Daring, Nerve and Chivalry
by Scandalacious Intentions
Summary: Lupin and Sirius sort through yet more of Lupin's photographs, this time from 1979-81. Sequel to 'Where Dwell the Brave at Heart'.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter; but then, I never expressed any desire to own Harry Potter. It's Remus Lupin I want.**

Lupin's room at Grimmauld was almost identical to his office during his term at Hogwarts. The creamy white carpet was deep enough to sink one's feet into. Three walls matched the colour perfectly, whilst the fourth was a brilliant scarlet and decorated with the few pictures that Lupin had decided to keep, most almost duplicates of the many Harry had seen last night.

On the windowsill, Harry even noticed the Grindylow tank, now filled with a selection of rare fish, the likes of which Harry had never before seen.

Lupin had a rare knack for making almost anywhere feel like home and this room, cold and filled with junk though it was, even smelt like him. "Make yourself at home. I never really unpacked. I've been living out of my trunk for quite some time."

Harry, biting his lip and attempting to decide between the bed (warm, comfortable and so very tempting in his state of semi-sleep) and the chair, opted for the latter, deciding that falling asleep in his former teacher's bed would be one of the most embarrassing moments of his life.

"I suppose," said Lupin, flicking through photo albums and creating organised piles at his feet. "I should explain a few things before Sirius has time to exaggerate the facts."

* * *

Lupin's rushed synopsis of the years between their leaving Hogwarts and that fateful Halloween, was over and analysed well before lunch, let alone before Sirius could interrupt.

For the remainder of the day, Harry practically shut himself away, flicking through the photo album that he had been given by Hagrid, watching his parents dance in the snow, watching his parents smile outside a small and unassuming church and watching his father flick his wand so that his own tiny face would light up as multi-coloured sparks danced above his head.

It just wasn't fair.

Despite everyone claiming that he and Sirius might as well have been father and son, they weren't. No-one could replace James Potter and no-one dared to try. He hated himself for thinking it, but sometimes Harry wished someone would.

When the door opened, Harry hurriedly flicked to the next photograph, not wanting to be seen dwelling on pictures of Sirius and debating how alike his father and his best friend were in appearance. The last thing he wanted was to be the catalyst in sending his godfather into one of his renowned melancholy moods.

To Harry's surprise and relief, his visitor was Lupin who, as though having read his mind, crouched beside the chair and said, "You can't live in the past, Harry."

Harry nodded, unable or unwilling to speak.

"If I show you these pictures, promise me that you won't feel resentment. Obviously, you'll feel longing, we all will. Please don't let longing or resentment consume you."

Harry began to wonder why he had not had this lecture before he'd seen their school pictures. That said, their school pictures had been innocent and as they belonged to Sirius, it was not Lupin's place to tell him any of this.

Again, Lupin answered this unasked question. "You know what happened, Harry. I would wake up in the morning and think to myself, thank God it was a dream. Maybe I'd manage to convince myself that I was alone because your parents were in hiding or I was alone because I couldn't put Peter at risk, but eventually I would have to come to terms with reality. I would look at these pictures almost every day. It was the lowest point of my day and at the same time, it was the reason I woke up in the morning. I don't want that for you, Harry. I don't want you to hate-"

"I've got more reason to hate Pettigrew than the pair of you!"

Lupin shushed him, taking a clenched fist and squeezing it reassuringly. "I know. I know." He took a deep breath. "I'm not talking about him."

Harry raised his head, meeting Lupin's eyes and frowning in confusion. "I don't understand."

"I'm talking about us, Harry, Sirius and myself. Knowing the truth, I see these pictures and it is obvious. For years I looked at these and I never saw beyond the image. I believed what I was led to, so perhaps I'm talking about myself more than Sirius."

Harry mulled this over. Whatever he was about to see was not pleasant. He wondered whether he even wanted to see them anymore. Glancing down at the picture of his mother, her arms around her husband's neck, laughing half to the camera and half into his jumper, he knew. Of course he wanted to see them.

"I couldn't hate you," he answered quietly. "Besides, the truth wouldn't have brought them back."

Lupin steeled himself. "At the time, it might have saved their lives." He stood and began to pace. "Living in the moment, you are forgiven for not realising the true meaning behind a gesture, behind an odd look, behind the expression on someone's face. However, when you watch that gesture, that look, that expression, every day, well…"

Harry swallowed hard. "What are you saying?" His breathing settled. "Look, if I hadn't seen Pettigrew, I would never have believed you. If you hadn't taught me and I hadn't known you, I would never have even allowed you to show him to me. How can I blame you for feeling the same way?"

Lupin smiled, curious. He sat opposite Harry and shook his head slightly. "I know you are told that you're like your father every day but-"

"But my father would have done the same?"

Lupin shook his head. "Your father would certainly have never held a grudge and he would have forgiven me, don't misunderstand me. The thought process that went into that, Harry, was purely your mother." He beamed and got to his feet. "Anyway, the Prince of Darkness is ready to grace us with his presence."

Harry smiled faintly. He was always perplexed by Lupin's ability to lighten the mood in seconds, despite often being rather low himself. "So what you're trying to tell me is that I should look beyond what I see first?"

Lupin nodded, collecting the box of photographs that he had left behind before lunch. "Always," he replied. "When you feel you ought to be suspicious, then you ought to look deeper for your answer. I pray that you will never have to study such an image and know that lives depend on it, Harry, but knowing you, you probably will."

"You pray?" Harry asked incredulously. "How can you believe in God after everything that's happened?"

Lupin laughed. "Harry, after everything that's happened, how can you not?" He waited to close the door behind Harry who, still thinking about this, trudged out.

"Are you pair even coming, or what?"

Lupin leant over the banister. "I'm on my way!" He ushered Harry down the stairs, muttering, "Merlin, he's got the patience of a starving shark."


	2. In which Sirius performs his duties

**Disclaimer: See Prologue  
****A/N: A quick update because I needed something to distract me from over-revising for this afternoon's exam. Also, this shouldn't surprise me but Wikipedia has a picture of the camera Lupin uses which, for anyone who actually cares, is a Kodak Retina IIIC 1957**

Opening the box had been easier physically than the last, but both Lupin and Sirius shared an almost apologetic glance as the latter pulled off the lid.

Sirius held up the photograph and Lupin visibly relaxed, smiling in response, even telling his friend to stop marking it with his fingerprints.

Harry held out his hand for it and stared down at a photograph of Sirius, Lupin and Peter sitting at a kitchen table, in a room painted a soothing duck egg blue. The three young men dipped spoons into a remarkably small pot in the centre of the table. Harry just about made out his mother staring at them and shaking her head slowly.

"That wasn't long after you were born," Sirius told Harry, an expression that could have been guilt, in his eyes.

"God knows what you'll think of us," murmured Lupin.

_January 1981_

"_Thing is, James," said Sirius, obviously planning this mode of attack very carefully. "You need to come out with us more often. We're on the brink of replacing you with Mundungus Fletcher. In fact, the only reason we haven't is because Remus pointed out that he would probably steal the clothes off our backs."_

_James Potter couldn't help but laugh. "If you hadn't noticed, not only am I supposed to be watching my back these days but I also have a five month old baby."_

_Sirius shrugged. "Well, you can't say I didn't warn you. When Dung starts calling himself Prongs, don't come crying to me."_

_James raised his eyebrows. "Oh really?"_

"_Unless you come out with us tomorrow night, yes."_

"_I can't, Sirius. I can't leave Lily with Harry for most of the night when he won't sleep."_

_Sirius grinned. "Come out for lunch with us then. Moony never feeds me properly and he'll be up for it and you know Peter, he's always hungry. I tell you, since I took Moony's spare room; I haven't eaten a decent meal. I swear to God, he hardly eats at all. He just snacks."_

_James laughed, nodding. "We'll see. Owl me next time you're out. Where is Remus anyway? The pair of you are joined at the hip now, aren't you?"_

_Sirius gave him a half-smile. "Whenever Nancy isn't around." He grinned back as James winced. "He's in the kitchen, snacking. Lily asked him to finish up the yogurts you made her buy and won't touch."_

_James was relieved. "Thank God for that. They're foul! Pads, they've got bits in."_

_Sirius made a face. "Doesn't that make them healthy?"_

"_Exactly."_

_At the sound of Harry's cries and Lily's almost growl of frustration, James threw his friend an almost pleading glance before heading upstairs, leaving Sirius to troop back to the kitchen._

"_How's the yogurt?"_

_Lupin looked up. "It's amazing. I've seriously never eaten anything like it in my life."_

"_No, neither has James. Has she drugged it or something?"_

_Lupin shrugged. "I don't know but it doesn't taste anything like yogurt. Get a spoon."_

_Sirius did as he was told and sat beside his flatmate, bringing the spoon to his mouth as one might do had it been loaded with arsenic. His eyes widened as he swallowed. "That's pretty good actually."_

_Lupin nodded and reloaded his spoon._

"_They're really small pots though," Sirius noted. "I wonder why they do that. Do you know who makes this stuff? We have to get some!"_

_Lupin shrugged. "Lil said something about it being a Muggle brand that James had seen an advert for and thought he was cool for having some in the house. It's probably M__ü__ller, my mother loves the stuff."_

_He didn't like the look in Sirius' eyes._

"_Your mother loves it, does she?" he asked, smirking. "So, you know if I covered myself in it…?"_

_Lupin hit him with the spoon. "It didn't hurt." He grinned though. "At least my Dad's out of the picture, so I don't have to hate you quite as much anymore."_

_It was the first time in three years that Lupin had fully acknowledged his father's death, let alone made something of a joke about him. Sirius wasn't entirely sure what to say to that and for the first time in his life, was grateful for Peter's sudden appearance._

"_Alright, chaps?"_

"_Yeah," answered Sirius. "Get a spoon. You have to taste this."_

_The three men were now taking minute spoonfuls of the stuff, not wanting to take the last of it._

"_If the three of you like it so much, there are six pots," Lily told them, flicking the switch of the kettle. "James is seeing to him for a change. Does anyone want some tea?"_

_Sirius, willing to scrounge off anyone, and Remus, addicted to caffeine and sugar, both nodded. Peter shook his head and followed the trail of the pot, scooping out goo that was of a very odd shade and consistency for yogurt._

_Lily gasped. "How much of that have you had?"_

"_Only the one," replied Sirius. "But don't worry; we'll make a decent start on the others now."_

"_It's Harry's," she shrieked. "I'm trying to wean him onto solids with those."_

"_Well that explains it," exclaimed Peter, grinning inanely. "It was very nice anyway."_

_As Lily watched in horror, the Marauders shared an embarrassed glance before all three at once, dived their spoons into the pot, knowing this was the last spoonful they would get._

_CLICK!_

"_You left this in the living room," said James, tossing the camera across the room to Remus, who he knew would catch it and reprimand him for negligence towards his Kodak baby. "What's the matter?"_

_Lily, finally able to see the funny side, abandoned her tea and nudged her husband out of her way, laughing to herself as she followed the sounds of her son who was already waking up after a three and a half minute sleep._

"_We're stealing your son's food," said Sirius, casually. "We saved you some."_

"_You ate my son's food?"_

_Lupin at least had the decency to look moderately ashamed of himself. Even Peter stared out of the window in response._

"_I was performing my godfatherly duties," Sirius assured him. "Poison testing. James, you hear such horror stories."_

_If James was alarmed by this, he hid it well. Frowning slightly and wondering if this was some sort of sick joke, he took Sirius' spoon and stirred the remainder of the cream coloured substance before tentatively tasting it._

"_Well gents, I say we crack open another pot."_

_Lupin's head shot up. "You're not serious? What'll you tell Lily?"_

_James shrugged. "We summoned up all our Gryffindor courage and tested them for poison."_


	3. In which Lupin is tormented

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

"Ah," said Lupin slowly, watching a much younger looking version of himself, sitting in the Potters' living room, Lily at his side, his head in his hands. "Well, to understand that one, I suppose I'd have to take you back to the afternoon before."

Harry frowned. "What happened to you?"

"I'll explain in a minute," said Lupin, trying to find the appropriate words. "You remember that my father passed away?"

Harry nodded, still confused. He was sure Lupin had said that he spent the months with his mother, away from his friends. What would he be doing in his parents' house, shaking?

"Well, this was almost a month afterwards when I needed his advice and he was obviously unable to give it and-"

"And he shagged a taken woman," said Sirius, raising his eyebrows.

Lupin attempted to smile. "That's one way of putting it. I was hoping you'd keep out of this one but, alas. Very nice terminology, by the way."

_1978_

_This past week had taken its toll on Remus Lupin. To look at him, one would assume that he had endured a succession of full moons all at once. The bags under his eyes would take weeks to fully correct naturally. He couldn't summon any amount of effort in regards to anything beyond the most basic magic._

_This particular day was a Friday; Friday, August 13__th__. This particular Friday was spent in Diagon Alley, Flourish and Blott's to be exact, while he attempted to find literature that he could immerse himself in, forgetting who he was and why he felt as empty as he did. _

_Such emptiness had overtaken his usual hyper-awareness. He turned, knocking a stack of books out of the arms of a pretty, young witch, who gasped in alarm. Immediately he knelt to collect them, apologising profusely as he did so._

"_It's alright," she assured him._

_Lupin pricked his ears. He knew that voice. He recognised the soft, Irish accent that had lulled him through past traumas and was almost tempted to praise God there and then. And then he remembered._

"_So, how are you doing?" he asked her, hoping she would not return the pleasantry._

_She nodded. "Fine, thanks. You?" Biting her lip, she shook her head. "I'm sorry about your father. I read his obituary in the Prophet."_

_Lupin nodded his thanks. "I'm okay, I think."_

_What was he saying? She would pity him and he hated pity at the best of times, but from her? No, he couldn't allow it._

"_Do you still see your friends?"_

_Hmm, tricky one. Yes and no, really. The Marauders had all owled him regularly and he had responded to most of their letters but he certainly wasn't ready to let them see him like this. _

"_Yeah, now and again," he replied. Willing to steer the conversation to any topic but himself, Lupin even tortured himself further. "So are you and Mulciber still together?"_

_Anna Lovett nodded. "I wish you'd start calling him by his name."_

"_Mulciber is his name," snapped Lupin. It was sick, but he was enjoying this. He couldn't think about the pain of losing his father; the pain of losing his girlfriend was far stronger at the moment. "Besides, it's not as though I'll be invited to any of your dinner parties any time soon."_

_He was expecting her to ignore him, move on, buy her books and perhaps in true Anna fashion, storm out. She did not. Instead, she placed her books on the nearest counter and steered him out of the shop with the words, "You need to talk about your Dad."_

_Strapped firmly to her arm, he was sent whirling through a myriad of colour. It was over far too soon and he was now standing in a dark but no less attractive room. The heavy curtains swallowed his bitter laughter. Anna hurriedly poured out two glasses of Firewhiskey and instructed him to take a seat on her sofa which, frankly, looked as though it could swallow him whole._

"_How's your Mum?"_

_Lupin nodded and swallowed the whiskey. He shook his head. _

"_What does that mean?"_

_Lupin shrugged. "It doesn't matter, does it?" He accepted her offer of another drink and quickly gulped down the second glass. And the third._

"_What did he do?"_

"_He worked for the Werewolf Capture Unit at the Ministry. Ironic, no?"_

_Anna smiled faintly. "I was utterly disgusted that you didn't tell me."_

_She was fixed with Lupin's knowing, black gaze and sat up straight. _

"_You didn't exactly prove yourself to be trustworthy though, did you?"_

_The silence engulfed them. Anna poured herself another whiskey and sat beside him, muttering, "My birthday was the full moon. I just thought you couldn't be arsed. I knew that you backed off to make girls dump you and I thought that was what you were doing to me so…"_

"_So you went to Mulciber." Lupin wondered how this conversation had taken such a wrong turn. He didn't want to talk about this; not now, not ever._

"_If Sirius hadn't been coming out of the broom closet-"_

"_Then I would never have known!" cried Lupin, leaping to his feet. _

"_I would have told you!"_

_She followed suit and threw her chin up, in an attempt to compensate for the twelve and a half inches between them in height. She pouted slightly and the sincere look in her eyes was all it took for his lips to come crashing down on hers._

_It should have felt wrong but he had never been surer of anything. He began to have his doubts as they moved together on her sofa but the obstacle was soon overcome._

* * *

_The summer rain had fallen and James Potter was awoken by the persistent tapping on his window. Beside him, Lily Evans shifted in her sleep and moaned her displeasure at such an ungracious alarm._

"_LILY!"_

_James made out the shape of Lupin's Eagle owl and leapt out of bed. He opened the window and Nancy flew in, ruffling her feathers and shooting James a disapproving look. Nevertheless, she allowed him to detach the letter from her leg and was pleased to receive a small treat as means of thanks._

_The door had been opened downstairs and the voice of Lupin himself shouted up the stairs. Nancy hooted and flew out of the bedroom door, just opened by Sirius._

"_It's Moony."_

"_I know."_

"_I think he wants Lily."_

_Lily groaned and threw on her dressing gown, glaring at Sirius. "What the hell are you doing in here?"_

"_He sent me a letter," said James, gesturing for his friend to read it with him. "Go, Lil. He sounds a bit desperate."_

_Lily stood at the head of stairs, her lips pursed and nostrils flared. Angry? She was furious. They had all been alerted to his father's death and it was the last they had really heard of him. His letters had been ridiculously short and infrequent._

_At the sight of him, her anger dissolved._

_His face was torn and scarred as a result of July's full moon. His drenched hair clung to his face and hung in his eyes, black and full of tears. He was dripping onto her newly laid laminate flooring. He bit his lip._

"_I'm sorry," he whispered, unable to form a coherent sentence. "I knew it was you I needed to see."_

_Lily nodded and ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck. "Remus, where have you been? You look terrible."_

"_I feel terrible," he croaked as he was removed of his soaked coat. "Could I trouble you for some tea?"_

_Lily ushered him into the living room and pushed him onto the sofa. "And you're going to stay there until I get some satisfactory answers."_

_Lupin nodded and a few minutes later, accepted the steaming mug of strong tea. "I was out of it. I met this girl yesterday and we ended up having sex."_

"_Christ, Remus!"_

"_I know, I know." He took a sip of the tea. "I shouldn't have done it. She's moved in with her boyfriend and he'd kill me. I…my…"_

_The door burst open._

"_Anna _fucking_ Lovett?" snapped Sirius, his scorn obvious._

"_Remus!" cried Lily, her emerald eyes burning. "Oh, Remus." She threw her arms around him and luckily, Sirius cast a hover charm on the mug and directed it to float towards the table._

"_What were you thinking?" James asked, shutting the door behind him and taking his place beside Sirius. "Mulciber is an idiot, you can take him in your sleep, but screwing his girlfriend is…well, it's actually closure isn't it; an eye for an eye and all that?"_

"_Thing is," murmured Lupin, wishing he could hold the mug just to have something to do with his hands. "There's another girl…from school. She came round when she read about my Dad and we talked about dating."_

_Wanting to know who it was but preoccupied with solving the dilemma at hand, James frowned slightly. "Let's just clear this up. Are you single?"_

_Lupin nodded. "Sort of."_

_Lily sat up. "Sort of? There's no such thing as 'sort of'. Are you single or aren't you?"_

"_I don't know. I told her I would speak to her later and we'd talk some more."_

_Sirius sighed with relief. "Okay, so you're single. The blame lies with the bitch from hell and it's her word against yours. No problem. There are only two questions left to ask."_

"_Go on."_

"_One; what the hell were you thinking?"_

_Lupin gave a laugh of sorts but shook his head. "She was just so…warm."_

_She had been. She had been pleasant, welcoming and above all, she felt like home._

_Sirius rolled his eyes. "And two; who's this mystery woman then?"_

_Lupin blushed and hid his head in his hands. Lily wrapped a comforting arm around him._

_CLICK!_

"_Sorry," said James, returning Lupin's camera to his charmed coat pocket. "It was sick revenge. I thought that now you were feeling a bit better, I could get one back at you for those bloody pictures from first year that you showed at my seventeenth. You realise I'll be handing this one round at your wedding?"_

_Lily clicked her tongue. "Remus, you don't have to tell us."_

"_Oh yes he bloody well does!"_


	4. In which James chooses

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

Harry slowly lowered the photograph and seemed a little lost for words. He nodded slowly, turning to Lupin who smiled sheepishly.

"You went back to Anna Lovett?"

Lupin grimaced. "Not exactly, no. Besides, I told you she married Mulciber and she hadn't then. She married not long after your parents did. Needless to say, we didn't get invites."

Sirius snorted. "You say that as if we wanted one."

Harry smiled faintly and pulled the next photograph out, angling it towards Lupin who nodded and smiled.

"That was your living room," said Lupin watching Harry's nose wrinkle in distaste. "What, you don't like it?"

"It's very…orange."

Sirius laughed. "That was exactly what I said."

_1979_

"_Where's Peter?" Lupin asked, accepting the Butterbeer and taking a seat in the burnt orange armchair, an unfortunate choice as it was the exact shade of his jumper._

_James sniggered at the sight of him. "You look like a floating head in that chair. To answer your question, I didn't really consider Peter."_

_Lupin nodded slowly. In truth, he couldn't imagine Peter's speech either. "I left Sirius to his own devices. He said he wanted to bring the bike and there's no way in hell I'm getting on it again, not after last time."_

_James shrugged and smiled slightly guiltily. "It was a good gag."_

"_It made me feel gay."_

_The roar of the handcrafted V8 engine silenced them, putting their mock argument on hold as James headed into the kitchen for a second Butterbeer._

_The door flung open and true to form, Sirius Black had still not removed his helmet._

"_Oh very flash," said Lupin, standing and strolling towards his friend, one eyebrow raised. "Some people might be intimidated by the prospect of imitating such an icon but you've pulled off Darth Vader really well."_

_The helmet was yanked off so that Lupin could get the full benefit of the smarmy smile beneath it. Sirius flicked his hair out and ran a hand through it. _

"_I don't know why you won't come with me," said Sirius, making himself at home in the armchair Lupin had vacated. "It was tremendous fun."_

"_I'm sure it was," agreed Lupin. "It also made you half an hour late."_

_James certainly looked less troubled as he re-entered, handing a half full bottle to Sirius._

"_You've been drinking this."_

"_I know," replied James, opening another bottle and taking a swig from it. "Maybe next time you'll get here before Remus and I can let that happen."_

_Sirius rolled his eyes but accepted this punishment. "So, we've been called here like the Extraordinary League of Gentlemen because…?"_

_James grinned. "Because I thought I couldn't put off choosing any longer. You need to work on the speech and stuff so…"_

"_Just hurry up!"_

_Lupin, by far the more patient of the two, clicked his tongue and smiled at James. "And?"_

"_And I've taken a lot of things into account," answered James. "I thought about the planning of my party and the speech and who I would trust with the rings. Obviously, no-one throws a party like Sirius and at the same time, I do not want my stag night to end with a prison sentence."_

_Sirius shrugged. "Fair enough."_

"_But the choice was taken from me by Lily so I was wondering, Sirius, if you'd be my best man?"_

_Sirius leapt from the chair and wrapped his arm around James' neck. "Hell yes! Besides, Remus and I have already planned your stag night. We're going to Amsterdam, aren't we, Loops?"_

_Lupin nodded, standing and shaking Sirius' hand. "Yep, it'll be a long night. Sex and drugs and sausage rolls. My mum's making them for the journey. I don't think she understands Apparation. In the end, it was easier to just let her get on with it. She's insisted I bring a trifle to your wedding too so I thought we could have that before we go to the church."_

_James laughed and nodded. "I can never say no to your mother's food, you know that."_

"_I wouldn't say no to his mother either."_

_Lupin's death glare soon silenced Sirius. _

"_Anyway, anyway, anyway," said James, biting back his laughter through fear of Lupin's legendary temper. "Lily wants to see you in the kitchen; something about giving her away. I don't care who you give her to but bring her back by June, won't you?"_

_For possibly the first time in his life, Remus Lupin was speechless. He slowly smiled and pulled out his camera._

"_Come on," he said, ushering his two friends closer so they would fit in the frame. "I want a decent picture."_

_Sirius laughed, dragging James into the centre of focus. His grin spread almost ear to ear. James, too used to Lupin's quirks and the subject of far too many pictures for his liking, faked vague annoyance._

_CLICK!_

_Lupin waved the Polaroid photograph and blew on it, smirking at James. _

"_You don't look pissed off at all. You're waving."_

"_I'm not pissed off," James assured him. "You wouldn't be you without your camera."_

_Lupin laughed. "I'll build up one hell of a collection. You'll be dead before I give this camera up."_

_James laughed. "We'll be eighty-three and he'll be demanding pictures of our dentures."_

"_You wish! I've got far more important things to be capturing than your false teeth, thank you very much."_

_James stared open mouthed. "What could be more interesting than my teeth?"_

_Sirius smirked. "Your hair? Let's hope the kids don't inherit it, eh, Moony? I can't wait until you go grey, James. Your hair really will look like an abused mop then, won't it?"_

"_I'll turn you into an abused mop if you carry on!"_

_Sirius grinned. "You realise that this is all going in my speech, don't you? I need a few embarrassing anecdotes. OUCH!"_

_CLICK!_


	5. In which Peter fiddles

**Disclaimer: See Prologue  
****A/N: Random insight into my life for you; this was acted out in an English study session just for the laughs. I improvised Peter and my friends did Sirius and Lupin. Hope you enjoy. Candy~  
Oh, and incidentally, you can still buy **_**SuperBike**_**!**

Peter fidgeted. He rolled two small wooden balls around in his hands and bit his lower lip, flinching as he cut it.

Harry began to wonder if this was the side of Peter who actually gave a damn that he was betraying his friends in the lowest way imaginable. Was this the Peter who knew what would happen to the people he claimed to hold dear to him? Was this the Peter who was afraid for his friends?

Sirius laughed, this time with genuine mirth.

Perhaps it wasn't that side of Peter then.

_January 1980_

_Peter frowned slightly at his reflection. Was it cameras that added ten pounds or mirrors? It had to be mirrors, surely. His face was not this round usually and nor was his midriff. _

"_Remember when we all bought suits last April?"_

_Lupin looked up from his book and wondered where this question was headed. "Yes…"_

_Peter's nose twitched in distaste. "Does yours still fit?"_

_Lupin raised his eyebrows. "I haven't the faintest clue. I've been keeping it for when I desperately need a suit and I haven't; not since James' wedding." He unwrapped a sherbet lemon with a quick twist of his fingers and sucked on it as he thought. "Why?"_

_Peter stared on in awe. "How can you do it?"_

"_Unwrap a sherbet lemon?"_

"_No, idiot!" cried Peter, punching Lupin's arm in an exasperated but affectionate manner. "Eat all that sugar and not put on a pound, how do you do it?"_

_Lupin smiled knowingly. "It's a wolf thing."_

"_Tickets are here!"_

_Lupin grinned. "Thanks, Nance! Do you want to keep them? I'll only lose them."_

_Peter caught sight of her hair before he met Nancy Clarke for the second time. He barely remembered what she looked like but she had not been the owner of a bright, bottle blonde spiral perm when they had last met in June. Nor had she been wearing Sirius' spare leathers._

"_Hello, Peter." _

"_Hello, Mrs. Clarke."_

"_Ms," Nancy corrected. "The divorce papers came yesterday."_

_Lupin breathed a sigh of relief. This was no longer immoral and hypocritical. He need not beat himself up any further. Her husband was now officially out of the picture._

"_Anyway," she said, turning to her ridiculously young lover. "Sirius offered me a lift home. I hate driving through London on that thing. I just know I'm going to come off it. If I don't see you tomorrow, blame him."_

_Lupin laughed and, very conscious of Peter who refused to look away, kissed her cheek and bid her goodnight. Exasperated was not the word as he turned to his friend._

"_Peter, if it bothers you that much, diet."_

_Peter groaned. "I can't. You know what my willpower is like." _

_Lupin rolled his eyes. "Exercise then. I get away with chocolate for breakfast because I run round like a mad thing once a month. I spend the rest of my time cleaning up after Sirius, I need the energy."_

_Peter, infuriating as ever, continued to argue. "I hate running. I can't run, Remus. James told me I was a health and safety hazard when I ran and God help me, he was right. I can't swim, I don't play a sport and I draw the line at Pilates."_

"_You just need to find something that works for you, Pete. If you don't mind, I have a lot of work to do. I have to do my lesson plans for tomorrow so…"_

_Peter sighed. "It's okay. I'm going."_

_Half an hour later, he was back, beaming and irritating the hell out of Sirius because Lupin, who had the patience of a saint, had demanded absolute silence in the living room while he worked._

_In the shared kitchen, Sirius had been frying chicken to put into a renowned Marauder sandwich. Frying had involved flicking his wand, listening to the hiss of it and his flatmate's groans of near starvation, while he flicked through _SuperBike_. _

"_If you're that hungry, Moony, eat something."_

_Lupin clicked his tongue. "What did I just say? I want quiet!"_

_Sirius rolled his eyes. "I don't like you in teacher mode."_

"_I need to get my head around subtracting fractions. So be quiet."_

Pop!

"_I've got it!"_

_Sirius jumped as Peter Apparated into the small kitchen. "Pete, what the hell?"_

"_My diet!"_

"_Shhh!" Lupin hissed from the living room desk. _

_Sirius pulled a face and slammed the door shut. Hurriedly, he smothered two slices of bread with tomato ketchup and Branston Pickle, gagging quietly but oddly content._

"_Is that the sandwich?" asked Peter. "I haven't had one in two years."_

"_Good," said Sirius. "They're full of fat and you were about to tell me about this diet of yours."_

_Peter beamed at him. "It's called 'Fiddle Yourself Thin'."_

_Sirius snorted, almost spitting out the bite of his sandwich. "It's called what?"_

"_Fiddle Yourself Thin," Peter repeated. "It involves using your thumbs to just play with parts of your body."_

_Somehow, Sirius kept a straight face. "Oh yeah?"_

_Peter nodded enthusiastically. "And occasionally, you can use your balls."_

_Sirius was forced to put down the sandwich as his hands, as was the rest of him, were shaking with suppressed laughter. "Right, so you use your thumbs to play with your balls and suddenly you're a stone lighter?"_

_Peter continued to grin and nod inanely. "Good, isn't it?"_

"_Oh very, yeah. What do you eat on this diet then?"_

_Peter sat beside him and in the manner of one about to bequeath a great secret, said in low, hushed tones, "That's the beauty of it; you don't have to change a thing. The book said that small changes can make a huge difference."_

"_They can indeed," said Sirius, nodding sagely. "But the thumbs seem an odd choice. Could you not go with the whole hand?"_

_Peter clicked his tongue. "Of course not! You'd look like a right idiot then."_

"_Peter, who the hell is going to be looking at you?"_

"_It could be anyone," Peter replied. "That's the great thing about it. You can fiddle just about anywhere. I could do it in the street if I wanted."_

_Sirius' eyes were almost the size of the saucer he had placed the sandwich on. "What? Peter, that's asking for trouble. That's sick!"_

_Peter frowned. "What is?"_

"_Fiddling with your balls in the street! In fact, I'm fairly sure it's illegal!"_

_Peter pulled out a small pouch from his pocket. "What? No. Look. I'll show you my balls."_

_Sirius stood suddenly, pushing the table in his hurry. "No, Peter. Really, you don't have to. I'm ashamed that I can imagine what they look like. REMUS!"_

_The door was flung open. _

"_What? What the hell is it this time?"_

"_Peter's trying to show me his balls."_

_Lupin stared open mouthed. "I beg your pardon?"_

"_His balls! He's trying to get them out and show me!"_

_Lupin closed his eyes. This was not his life; it couldn't be. "What are expecting me to do about it, get the camera and snap it?"_

_Sirius' eyes lit up. "Yeah and then we'll put it on pamphlets and post it round Diagon Alley. 'Have you seen this wizard's balls?' Keep him there!"_

_Lupin shook his head. "There is something very wrong with you."_

_Peter, finally catching on, pulled out a small pouch. "Worry balls. Look." He began to roll them across his palms. "That helps you burn calories."_

_CLICK!_

"_Give me that!" cried Lupin, snatching his camera back. "That's quite enough. A class of thirty school children is nothing compared to you."_

"_They try and get their balls out for you too, do they?"_

"_I am _this_ close to kicking you out."_

"_Yeah, Peter. Out!"_

"_Both of you. Now! I'll be finished at nine, you can come back then."_

_Sirius smirked. "No problem. After I charmingly dropped your cradle-snatching girlfriend home, driving the Muggle way round London and incidentally, Remus, you have no idea what that's like until you do it; I'll nip round your Mum's place, shall I?"_

_Peter tried not to smile; really he did._

"_Get in the living room," Lupin snapped. "You can test me on my fractions."_


	6. In which Sirius intervenes

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

He was livid. That was evident enough.

Harry wondered whether he would have the guts to continue beaming at Lupin when he looked like that. In fact, if Lupin's eyes blazed, his jaw clenched and he balled his fists at him, Harry's first instinct would have been to run as fast as possible in the opposite direction.

Yet the much younger Sirius in the photograph he held, stood his ground and smiled angelically.

Lupin still seethed, sending a glance in Sirius' direction that Harry would not much care for had it been aimed at him.

_June 1979_

_Apparently, your best friend's wedding was one of the best places to pick up a girl. Not that the thought had crossed his mind. It would shut Lovett up though, no doubt about that. _

"_What about her?"_

"_Shut up, Sirius."_

_Sirius smirked. "You're the one looking at her. You got yourself into this mess."_

_Lupin rolled his eyes. "I'm not looking at anyone."_

"_No, of course you're not."_

_They fell into silence, allowing the noise and darkness in the corner of the reception hall flow over them. It soothed Lupin. So his life had been completely screwed up by the same woman repeatedly. That was just…bloody unfair, he supposed. These things always happened to him._

"_Where's Electra?" he asked, smirking and raising an eyebrow._

_Sirius folded his arms and leant against the wall. "She's at a family thing," he explained. "Why?"_

_Lupin shrugged. "Just wondered," he muttered. "You two seem joined at the hip these days so I thought perhaps she'd had you surgically removed."_

_Sirius clicked his tongue. "Remus, do I detect a hint of jealousy there?"_

_Lupin laughed. "Jealous? Of you and Electra Nott? No. I need sleep, and fun as being shagged to death by a pretty girl seems to be, I'll pass."_

"_What happened to Gemini?"_

"_I had her surgically removed."_

_Sirius smirked. "Funny. What really happened?"_

_Lupin sighed, exasperated. "How can I be with a girl who is a) three years younger than me and therefore still at school, b) who's life I will ruin just by being myself and c), the all important c), I've just messed up my life with Anna Lovett."_

_Lupin's nail biting was a sure sign of his worry. His eyes darted across the room, as though playing head tennis. _

"_Alright," snapped Sirius, dragging him by the sleeve of his jacket into the adjoining hall._

"_Don't crumple it!" cried Lupin, mortified. "I haven't paid for it all yet!"_

_Sirius ignored him and slammed the door shut, flicking his wand and lighting the room. Taking a seat, he said in an overly polite tone, "Right, so would you mind please telling me what the fuck is going on?"_

_Lupin took a deep breath. "I am essentially a walking target for Mulciber right now. I'm worried for her as much as I am for me."_

_Sirius shook his head slowly. "Let her go."_

_Lupin's next words were a mere whisper. "I can't." Watching Sirius open and close his mouth, wanting to no doubt shout something at him but knowing he couldn't ruin today for the Potters, he hurriedly elaborated. "She won't let me let her go."_

"_What you need is a good woman."_

_Lupin's already large eyes, widened ridiculously. "A woman? I'm staying away from women for the rest of my life."_

"_You're not though are you? You still insist upon torturing yourself with Lovett. If you want to do that; fine. Don't expect me to keep picking you up and dusting you off because if you think I will, you can dream on."_

_The door slammed behind him and Lupin slumped into a seat, allowing himself five minutes to wallow before he resurfaced with a brilliant white smile on his face._

* * *

"_I'm going through a divorce," she said, her lank hair and sunken in eyes slightly worried James who nodded with passion._

"_That's um…encouraging." He opted for sarcasm and hoped she would laugh. She did not and he winced. "Hey, Sirius!"_

_If there was one person who could rescue this situation, it was Sirius Black and James was relieved to find his best friend at his side in seconds, his eyes narrowed and burned with anger but at least he smiled._

"_This is Nancy. She's mid-way through a divorce."_

_God, this was awkward._

"_Right," said Sirius, following James' example and nodding fervently. "Yes, that must be awful. I suppose you're lucky to be free of him."_

_James sighed. Why hadn't he thought of that?_

_Nancy nodded. "He screwed me around. I need a nice man, I think. I don't want to be celibate while he buggers off with some pretty, young thing."_

_Sirius smirked, catching James' eye and winking._

"_Luckily for you, my dear-"_

"_Sirius, no. Please don't offer yourself up."_

_Nancy laughed. "I'd say it was the last thing on his mind."_

"_We," Sirius gestured to himself and James. "Happen to know a very nice man who is in desperate need of a good woman."_

_Unfortunately, the subject of this remark chose that moment to make his entrance. _

"_Remus! Over here!"_

_Lupin was so shocked to find Sirius in such high spirits that he blindly followed this order as Sirius led him like a lamb to the slaughter. _

"_This is Nancy. She's getting divorced."_

_Seeing where this was going far too late, Lupin politely shook her hand and attempted an excuse. _

"_Yes, well I have a lot of things that I should be doing and obviously James, I couldn't be happier for you and Lily and I offer my best but considering I'm not a very lucky person, don't hold your breath."_

_Nancy smiled at him, her bright blue eyes shining as she bit back laughter. Still though, he could make out the crow's feet and a few laughter lines around her mouth. She was much older than he. This woman was the anti-Anna. _

"_You can't leave now," protested Sirius. "You've only been here a few hours."_

_Lupin shot him a glare but managed a faint smile for the woman before him who was now wishing she could retreat hurriedly behind enemy lines and hide in the bathroom for at least ten minutes._

"_Remus, you're free Friday nights, aren't you?"_

"_No. It's my Pottery class."_

_Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Oh? I didn't know you were interested in clay."_

_Lupin fiddled with the buttons of his suit jacket. "Yeah, it's been an ambition for years."_

"_To make a vase?"_

_Lupin nodded. "Besides, if you're going through a divorce then, obviously you're a married woman, right?"_

_Nancy thought about this. "Some people could take that view, yes. Some people could say that because my soon to be ex-husband has been shagging another woman for the past three years, I am single."_

_All four of them fell into an awkward silence that there was seemingly no end to. Obviously, some time soon Lupin would be lying in bed and this would be over. He tried to comfort himself with this thought._

"_In that case, I could probably miss one Pottery class."_

"_No, it's fine. If you're using that then stick to it." Her eyes met his and she hurriedly scrawled her address on a paper napkin. "If you mean it, then you mean it."_

_Lupin took a deep breath and pocketed the napkin. _

"_You took that well, Loop."_

_Lupin nodded._

"_You look kind of…serene," James lied, watching his friend's nostrils flare._

"_Good. Calm was the look I was going for because let me tell you, Sirius. I am _this_ close to having an actual cardiac arrest."_

_CLICK!_

"_Get that away from me if you want to live."_

"_Oh, come on," coaxed Sirius. "Why not?"_

_James shrugged. "You do know she's a Muggle, right? She'll never know about your furry little problem. Who the hell is going to tell her?"_

_Lupin frowned. "What's she doing here?"_

"_She's a friend of Mrs. E."_

_His jaw dropped. "Lily's mother? How old is this woman? I don't even know her name and I've been emotionally blackmailed into taking her out on Friday."_

_James clicked his tongue. "We told you her name is Nancy. Don't you know how hot the older woman is these days? Look, sorry I've got to go but I want to know what happens next week."_

_And with that, James disappeared into the crowd, identified only when Lily's red hair and bright white dress were spotted._

"_What's the worst that can happen?" asked Sirius. "You both need someone to pick you back up. Am I right or am I right?" _

"_I could go off you."_


	7. In which Peter's Christmas comes early

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

Sirius grinned at the sight of Harry's expression. "We got a little intoxicated, didn't we Moons?"

Lupin nodded once but said nothing, wishing intently that he had never been a part of the venture. When he and Sirius were sitting in the flat, discussing the merits of a night away, Amsterdam seemed like the best idea they had ever had. In reality, it had been a disturbingly heavenly trip into hell and certainly not because of Sirius' actions.

"This is…" Harry trailed off, not sure if describing this photograph was even possible.

"Gay?" Sirius offered.

_1979_

"_And remember," James pleaded, linking arms with Sirius who, by means of side-along Apparation, was taking him to the location of his stag party. "I'm getting married on Saturday morning."_

_Lupin, on his left, nodded and said, "We know. That's why we picked a Wednesday, right, Padfoot?"_

_Sirius nodded, managing to keep a straight face. "Yep, although what've neglected to tell you is-"_

_James didn't catch the end of that sentence as he was dragged through what felt like the space-time continuum. Feeling a summer breeze through his hair, he risked opening one eye._

_Almost immediately, Lupin and Peter arrived. Peter dusted himself off and straightened his clothing._

"_Looks like Loops and Peter have had a roll in the hay on the way over," said Sirius, smirking as Lupin made a crude gesture with his right hand. He turned to James. "As I was saying, what we forgot to tell you is-"_

_They turned the corner, walking out of the abandoned and dark alley into which they had Apparated, and onto a busy street. The shops were filled with PVC items and the pubs were filled with people wearing them. That was all James needed to confirm his suspicions that this would be both the best and worst night of his life._

_Several scantily clad young women were standing on the street corner, smoking and smiling at them._

"_In Amsterdam," said Lupin, grinning in a manner befitting the wolf within. "Every night is a Saturday night." He nudged Peter. "I think that one's giving you the eye."_

_Peter flattened his hair and smiled back, much to the amusement of Sirius who assured him that, "She's just touting for customers, Pete."_

_Peter's face fell and he attempted a smile. "Yeah, I knew that."_

_James met Sirius' eye and bit back a smile. _

"_Never mind," said Lupin, pulling out a Tupperware. "Have a sausage roll."_

"_So where are we going?" asked James._

_He was promptly directed into a small, almost empty café. It was typically Dutch with dimmed lights and candles. The clientele were almost all under eighteen and smoking. James stared inside, words having failed him._

"_Go on," encouraged Sirius, pushing him in. "Breathe deeply."_

_James did as he was told. There was a distinctly odd smell in the air. It was almost like mown grass and tomatoes. It was rather musky and Peter almost immediately physically recoiled._

"_Where are we anyway?" asked Peter, wrinkling his nose in disgust and blinking rapidly for unknown reasons._

"_Remambrandtplein," answered Lupin. "This is a Gedoogbeleid. It's legal to smoke and sell Cannabis in here. That's probably why you're unused to the smell."_

_James coughed and stared at a beaming Sirius, horrified. "Are you trying to get me high?"_

_Sirius nodded. "And it's working. You ought to see your eyes."_

_Lupin nodded slowly. "It is very potent. I'm surprised I've lasted this long."_

_Sirius wrapped an arm around his shoulders and said, "Word of advice, Moony. You haven't." He turned to James and said, "It's a shame. We needed him to translate."_

"_I can still speak, you know," protested Lupin. _

_Peter was terrified. "We'll be arrested. Worse, one of us might be snatched by a heroin addict and you know it'll be me, it's always me!"_

_Sirius raised his eyebrows. "You're frequently snatched by smack heads, are you?"_

_Peter gave him a sarcastic smile and looked anxiously towards the door. "You knew what I meant," he said, frowning. He stared over at Lupin who was now nodding his head in time to a slow and imaginary beat. "Right, if Remus is getting like that, I'm going."_

_Peter turned on his heels and found himself clutching the wall._

"_Sirius," Lupin's bloodshot eyes met his friend's and together they glanced towards Peter. "I don't think I can walk."_

"_I think we should go," James suggested. "The cleaner is staring at us."_

"_It's alright," Sirius assured them. "Me and Moons learnt some Dutch. Moony said we had to be prepared." He strolled, swaying slightly, towards a man who was about the same height as Peter. _

* * *

"_What did you say?" Lupin asked, allowing Sirius' head to rest in his lap as he breathed deeply and tried to remember how to stop the bleeding._

"_What you told me to say," Sirius assured him. "Ik moet met je naar and then I forgot so I thought I'd say bed and hope for the best and then the bastard threw the bottle at me."_

_Lupin frowned slightly and groaned. "Ik moet slapen op je."_

"_Same thing," protested Sirius weakly._

_James raised an eyebrow. "What the hell?"_

_Lupin sighed. "I told him to explain the situation, lie and say that we thought it was a hotel and needed a bed for the night. The expression is 'I need a bed from you'. Sirius went with 'I need to sleep with you'."_

_Peter, who had found them a bench on a green upon which to sit whilst they pulled themselves together and tried to remember spells to cure the best man, lay upon said bench and muttered, "Serves him right."_

_The information took James a moment to digest. As soon as he burst into peels of laughter, Lupin lost every ounce of control and joined him, flicking his wand and pushing a patched up Sirius off him. _

"_Move!" he cried, shaking with laughter. "Before people think you really are a homosexual."_

_At this, even Peter laughed, declaring they needed a photograph. He held his hand out for the camera and Lupin stupidly handed it over._

_James was sprawled on the grass, clutching his ribs and wondering what the hell he had been laughing at. At the sight of him, Lupin fell back beside him and fought back tears of laughter._

_Sirius smirked and scrambled onto Lupin's chest._

_James curled into a ball and rocked with laughter._

_Peter and Sirius tried to refrain from laughing, Peter for the sake of the photograph and Sirius for the sake of a practical joke that he thought was hilarious._

_Lupin did not share this opinion and pushed upon Sirius' chest._

_CLICK!_

"_Oh yes!"_

_James was now laughing so hard that he had broken the sound barrier._

"_Give it to me, bitch!"_

_Catching sight of a rather pretty girl staring at them from across the road, taking a drag on her cigarette and raising an eyebrow, Lupin threw his friend off him and leapt to his feet._

"_It's not what it looks like," he shouted. "I mean…um…Het is niet…er…I mean, oh fuck." _

_Sirius shook with laughter. "Moony, it's Amsterdam. They're cool with that sort of thing."_

_Lupin raised his eyebrows. "Oh right. So you were just bottled for the sake of your own amusement, were you? Peter, give me that camera."_

"_She's a prostitute anyway," said Peter. "Look at her. She's cool with sex in all its forms."_

"_I don't care," said Lupin. "Try anything like it again and I'll swing for you."_

_Sirius glanced towards James who was now getting to his feet and wiping his eyes. He took out a small wad of notes and handed them to Peter._

_Lupin gasped. "No! I can't let you!"_

"_Relax, Cupcake," Sirius mocked. "We're not going to have sex with her. Pete, go and ask her over."_

_Peter, looking as though all his Christmasses had come at once, did as he was told, winking at Sirius who smiled and turned to Lupin. _

"_Well what the hell are we going to do with her then?"_

"_All in good time, mon frère; all in good time."_


	8. In which Lupin is late

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: For anyone wondering, of course that's not the end of the Bachelor Party but this is randomised so you'll probably get the next instalment sometime next week.**

Harry looked to Lupin for an explanation. He was the only person who would speak any sense.

"Just don't ask," was all he got in return.

"You _are_ straight though, aren't you?"

Sirius snorted. "As a beanpole. Besides, Moony wouldn't blush around attractive women if he was gay; unless he wanted to be one. That could be a reasonable explanation."

Harry was about to laugh…until the look on Lupin's face silenced him for quite some time.

"Next photo, Harry," said Sirius in a rather distressed tone. "Double quick. I've become rather fond of my limbs."

_July 1980_

_Her screams could be heard down the corridor. Screams and profanities; all aimed at James Potter and indeed, almost every man in a mile radius._

"_Don't worry, mate. It'll be fine. She'll snap out of it."_

_Despite such words of comfort, James was not calmed. Although it had to be said that if one had to be trapped in a hospital ward, it was a much more entertaining experience if one was in the company of Sirius Black. _

"_It'll be the Morphine," Sirius assured him. "She doesn't know what she's saying."_

_James' head shot up. "Oh I think she does, Padfoot. I really think she does." He continued to pace and after a moment of silence, added, "I'm starting to fear for my cock. Listen, if she's true to her word - which she always has been – then she'll chop it off and it's the sort of thing that I'll miss, know what I mean?"_

_Sirius laughed. "She won't castrate you. She'll miss it as much as you will."_

"_I beg to differ!"_

"_Look, Prongs, how many times have I been threatened with it? I've still got mine."_

_James raised his eyebrows. "Sirius, the only reason you still have it is because little Miss Perfect missed."_

_Sirius shrugged. "Just call me Lucky."_

_James ran a hand through his untameable hair and sighed, enjoying a rare moment of absolute silence while his wife prepared herself for more screaming._

"_Where's Remus anyway?"_

_Sirius shrugged. "Probably in work…or with Peter, seeing as neither of them are here yet."_

"_He said he would be though. Pete told me he couldn't make July. He's in France."_

_Sirius was astounded. "Apparation seems to have passed him by then."_

"_Nah," James assured him. "It's fine. I wouldn't want to come back in the middle of my holiday either."_

_Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Right so if me and Electra were expecting, you wouldn't come back then, would you?"_

_James snorted. "Of course I would and that's just so I could see it with my own eyes. After she threw a butter knife at your crotch, the chances of you and her having offspring don't seem very high."_

"_You underestimate the Black charm, Prongsie."_

_James laughed. "Charm? What charm?"_

_Before Sirius could reply, the door opened and a red-faced young woman emerged, smiling with relief. "Mr. Potter?"_

_James swung round. "Yes?"_

"_You have a son."_

_Very slowly, realisation dawned. A son; someone to discuss Quidditch with, someone to teach Quidditch to, someone to play with, someone to take out for a drink._

_Words failed him. _

"_Can I be godfather?" asked Sirius. "I'm the only one here, after all. Besides, Peter would be shit and Remus would spend all his time teaching him about zooming in and lighting effects."_

_James beamed. "I was going to ask you anyway."_

"_Nice try."_

_It was seconds later, once the door had been shut and the baby had been passed round to his father and godfather, that James heard his voice._

"_Madam," he snapped, obviously standing just outside the door. "Not only am I authorised entry but I'm probably a better midwife too."_

_James handed the boy to Lily and flung the door open._

"_Remus!"_

_Lupin gestured towards his friend. "See? I wasn't making it up, you know."_

_Grudgingly, he was allowed to pass. Turning to James, he said, "Don't worry. I managed to remember the camera."_

_James rolled his eyes. "If you're telling me that you missed the birth of my son so you could pick up that bloody camera-"_

_Lupin grinned. "My apologies. Is that him?"_

_Sirius laughed. "No," he replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "We kidnapped him on the way in. This is all just an elaborate ruse to confuse the hell out of you next week when Lils really gives birth."_

_Lily raised her arms and allowed her closest friend to take her son, watching him with a great deal of fondness as he stared down at her son's tiny face, seemingly confused._

"_Should his eyes be blue?" asked Sirius, peering over Lupin's shoulder._

"_Should he be surrounded by so many people?"_

_Lily smiled. "All babies have blue eyes for the first few days. I hope they go green because otherwise he'll just be a clone and I'll have no claim on him at all."_

_James' subsequent smile made his cheeks hurt. He took the child from Lupin and paced yet again._

"_What to call you," he muttered. "Obviously, your middle name will be James. Anything else would be wrong."_

"_I think you should name him after me," said Sirius, earning himself a disapproving glance and a click of Lily's tongue. "What?" he protested. "Sirius is a great name. Think of all the puns."_

_Lupin laughed. "Sirius, there's only one and it's not even funny."_

"_I beg your pardon?"_

"_Well it's not," Lupin objected. "Now, everyone budge closer together."_

_CLICK!_

"_You're never in these pictures," Lily complained. "I don't have any photographs of you."_

_Lupin smiled grimly. "I'm not exactly photogenic. Besides, I don't want to ruin your family photos."_

_James smirked. "If you say so. For that alone, you can help me think of a super hero name for the kid."_

_Lupin frowned in concentration. "Flash Gordon," he said eventually, earning a weak laugh from Lily who was too tired to explain the joke to her husband._

"_Flash Potter? Remus, if you're being serious, I pity any future offspring."_

"_The Lone Ranger!" cried Sirius. "Batman! No, better! Robin!"_

_James was horrified. "I'm not calling my son Batman, Sirius."_

"_Why not? That would be so cool."_

"_Yeah; until he got to Primary School."_

_CLICK!_

"_Remus, put that thing down!"_

_CLICK!_

"_Jamie_,_ I love it when you're angry."_


	9. In which James makes an announcement

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: I just don't know what's the matter with me. This is my third update today and people will be thinking that I have absolutely no life whatsoever. **

"Batman?" cried Harry. "You were going to call me Batman?"

Lupin grinned. "I wouldn't have let him. Have no fear."

"I'd have had the shit kicked out of me!"

"Language!"

"Sorry, Remus." Harry turned to his godfather. "It's true though."

Sirius scoffed. "No it's not. Who the hell's going to come near you? You're Batman for God's sake!"

Lupin rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I think you'd better just accept it and grab another picture or we'll be here all night."

_1979_

"_Oi, Lupin! Move your gangly-arse legs!"_

_Lupin smiled and shifted slightly on James' sofa so that he could sit beside him._

"_What's the matter then?"_

_Lupin sighed. "To say we've had a bit of a tiff is the understatement of the century."_

_James smirked. "Look, you were the one who asked him to move in with you. You should have known better. Incidentally, what's he done?"_

"_I needed someone to pay the rent," joked Lupin. "He cooked. I spent today scraping potatoes off the wall with my bare hands because there was absolutely no spell that would shift them. I didn't even get an apology."_

_James shrugged. "That's Sirius for you." He turned to peer out of the window at the sound of an engine. "Oh, what do you know? Speak of the devil…"_

"_I'm ready!" Lily shouted in a sing-song voice._

"_Well we're waiting for Peter!"_

_They heard her footsteps as she ran down the stairs and felt the sudden drop in temperature as she opened the door to Sirius._

"_We'll be waiting bloody ages," she moaned. "I don't know how he does it but I'm beginning to think that Peter Pettigrew would be late for his own funeral."_

_Sirius nodded. "I've been saying the same thing for years."_

_Lupin was about to make a snide comment about Sirius' own tardiness but was interrupted by a coughing fit from the fireplace and the arrival of Peter who scrambled to his feet, apologised and took the best seat that Sirius had been eyeing up._

_Lily beamed at him. "You couldn't have come at a better time." She ushered James to his feet and pulled him beside her, clasping his hand. Both of them were now grinning like idiots._

_This forced Lupin and Sirius to sit together and neither was entirely comfortable with it. Lupin flashed his eyebrows as means of greeting and a muscle jumped in Sirius' jaw._

"_We're really glad you could make it," Lily told them, meeting her husband's eye and giggling._

"_Oh spit it out," cried Peter. "I'm on the edge of my seat."_

"_Wormy! I had a speech written and everything," protested James. "Do you want to tell them or shall I?"_

"_I don't mind."_

"_Because it's our news and I don't want you to think that I'm taking the spotlight from you."_

"_James, I really don't mind."_

_Sirius sighed. "Oh for Merlin's sake, one of you tell us preferably before 1980."_

_Lily, who would ordinarily have shot him a murderous glare, grinned at him. "We're having a baby."_

_Lupin was immediately on his feet, shaking hands and kissing cheeks in a manner that wouldn't appear out of place in a Jane Austen novel. Anyone else would have seemed pretentious but not Remus Lupin. Strangely, it suited him._

"_Oh Christ, look out world." _

_Even his dry humour couldn't wipe the smile of James' face._

_Peter actually clapped and squeaked his congratulations, embracing both James and Lily before disappearing to acquire large amounts of alcohol on Sirius' insistence that they all get "absolutely shitfaced."_

_Sirius now seemed on the verge of tears. "I'm so happy I could be in a musical right now. Remus, is it just me or are you not just happy, but Broadway happy?"_

_Lupin widened his eyes. "Do you realise how gay you sound?"_

_Sirius paid this no heed and continued to fawn over the idea of being an uncle. "I'm going to teach him everything I know."_

"_Shouldn't take too long," Lupin quipped, catching Lily's eye and smiling conspiratorially, both relieved that the others hadn't heard the remark._

"_And I'll show him how to be bad. Ten times badder than me and all the girls will be crazy about him."_

_Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Yep, should be a sure-fire way to get him a criminal record by the time he's twelve."_

"_He'll learn all the tricks of the trade from me."_

_Lupin elbowed him playfully. "He'll learn the tricks of how to pick up trade from you."_

_Sirius grinned. "Does this mean we're friends again?"_

"_If I even hear a whisper of the word 'potato', you're out on your arse."_

_Sirius beamed at him. "See? I knew you couldn't be pissed forever. Besides, you'll need someone to Nancy-sit while you're out with…" Realisation dawned. "Oh my God! Your owl and your girlfriend have got the same name! Loops, that is creepy."_

"_She's not my girlfriend!"_

_James and Sirius shared a knowing smile._

"_Where's my camera? We need a picture."_

"_And put it on a timer. I want you in it!" cried Lily, giving her friend a meaningful look. "Good lad, now come here."_

_James and Lily continued to beam like fools. Sirius wrapped an arm around each of them and grinned, seemingly about to burst into song. Only Lupin managed to contain himself and fiddled with his fringe as the flash almost blinded him._

_CLICK!_

_Lupin winced and blinked furiously. "Now I know why I'm never in these."_


	10. In which Sirius apologises

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

"Harry, that is just too twisted to explain."

Sirius nodded, his eyes glinting with an emotion that Harry did not recognise and nor did he much care for. "Yeah, leave it for later."

'Later' would mean never and too intrigued now, Harry raised his eyebrows. "You think I'm too young to know then, do you?"

Lupin sighed. "Not at all," he replied. "It's not a night that I wish to remember too clearly so goodness knows what Sirius is going through."

Sirius shook his head. "I'm not saying a word. You can do the talking."

Lupin faked surprise. "You mean you're not going to contradict me or accuse me of blatantly lying? Good grief!" He leant forward and rested the back of his hand across his friend's forehead.

Sirius swatted him off. "Christ, Remus, any funnier and I'd have broken a rib," he snapped.

"That was the night before your father's death, Harry."

Harry physically recoiled, dropping the picture and glaring into the fire. He risked a second glance at it, taking in Peter Pettigrew, his smile wary and somewhat forced. Why? Had he planned James' death? Had he known that Sirius would follow him? Had he known that Lupin would torment himself for years?

Of the four young men, only one had known that this would be their last photograph.

_October 30__th__ 1981_

"_You should be at home. What the hell do you think you're playing at?"_

_Lupin paced, throwing his arms in the air in sheer exasperation. He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his fringe, pushing it back. He turned to look at James who was watching in vague amusement from the sofa._

"_I think, Remus, that I ought to apologise to you. That's what I'm playing at."_

_Lupin failed to be amused. "What if something happened to Lily or the baby?"_

_James rolled his eyes. "It won't. I'm sure of it."_

"_You can't be sure!" Lupin cried, slamming his hands on the table. "He knows far too much, James. What if he knows you're not at home?"_

"_I know what you're thinking, Remus. It's not often I say this but you're wrong."_

_The grate glowed green and slowly, Peter Pettigrew scrambled out of it, dusting off his shoulders and knees. He smiled at Lupin and took a seat at the rickety dining table._

"_Alright, chaps? Where's Sirius?"_

_James shrugged. "On his way."_

"_He's not going to come."_

_Peter smiled reassuringly. "Of course he will. James has asked him to."_

_Lupin scoffed. "It may have escaped your notice, Peter, but Sirius Black is not exactly my biggest fan right now."_

Pop!

_Lupin jumped and spun round. He was now almost nose to nose with Sirius Black. Neither seemed ecstatic to be in the other's presence. _

"_Any reason we're all here?" asked Sirius, glancing over at Peter who averted his eyes and began to pick at the varnish on the table. He turned to Lupin. "Can I have a word?"_

"_No but I'll give you two."_

_James stood. "I don't believe anyone in this room would betray me to Voldemort."_

_These words took a moment to sink in. Peter smiled in almost relief. The fighting would be over._

_Lupin stared at the floor and waited for the accusations to rain down on him._

"_Neither do I."_

_Lupin's eyes shot up and he met Sirius' eyes for the first time in months. "Are you serious?"_

_Sirius nodded. "Can I have a word?"_

_Lupin nodded and jerked his head toward the door. He was followed into the front room and with a flick of his wand, the fire blazed. It seemed to be the only light he was willing to provide._

"_Remus, I've been such a dick."_

_Silence._

"_If you can forgive me, it'll be a minor miracle."_

_Lupin slowly nodded. "You're my best mate, aren't you?"_

"_Well, I was…"_

_He shrugged. "So I suppose that means that there isn't anything to forgive."_

_Sirius sighed with relief and managed a smile. "I have my suspicions and I'm keeping my eyes peeled. I might still be wrong but…"_

"_Can I ask why you've finally seen sense?"_

_Sirius stared at the floor, and kicked at the carpet, making patterns with his heel. "I know he's safe now, Remus. I know that I'm in control and that I'll know who the rat is. If it's not you then it's not any of us and I was wrong. It's not you, Remus. I don't know what possessed me. I can see a little more clearly now."_

_Lupin nodded. "That throws my suspicions out of the window then. I thought it was you because you kept blaming me. How childish does that sound?" There was a moment's awkward silence before he spoke again. "What are you doing for Halloween?"_

"_Nothing since Lily decided she didn't want us round there."_

_Lupin bit his lip. "Sorry about that."_

"_What's a black eye between friends? How's the leg?"_

_Lupin gave him a lopsided smile. "What's a bruised shin between friends? Listen, if you want to come round here…" He trailed off. "My mum's got a few friends round. Bobbing for apples with dentures is the lost sport."_

_Sirius laughed. "Your mum's not even forty, Remus! Dentures, indeed. Why not? Give me a time and I'll be half an hour late. Shall we go back?"_

_They found James and Peter laughing in the kitchen. Peter held his hand out and smiled as James tipped a small handful of coins into his outstretched palm._

"_Told you," was all Peter would say. His smug smile made James roll his eyes._

"_You told him what?" asked Lupin._

"_That things would go straight back to how they were. James was betting on at least an hour of awkwardness."_

_Sirius raised an eyebrow and James shrugged, explaining, "It was the look on Remus' face that swayed me. Moony, you looked capable of murder."_

_Sirius elbowed Lupin and grinned at him. "Murder? Prongs, he's not capable of stepping on an ant."_

_Lupin laughed in shock. "And you had the gall to accuse me of being a Death Eater."_

_Sirius shrugged. "Well we all make mistakes. I bet even Jesus miscounted the disciples once."_

_James beamed at them and got to his feet. "I'm glad things are back to normal. I have no idea where I'd be without the pair of you." He glanced over to the table and corrected himself. "Well, the three of you. Come on, Pete."_

"_If this is another of your group hugs, I'll take the photo."_

_Lupin laughed. "Now there's an idea!"_

"_What, a group hug? Couldn't agree more, Moony."_

_Lupin gave James a sarcastic smile. "A photograph."_

_Within minutes, the camera had been positioned, the lighting brightened and Peter had even been coaxed into the frame._

_James wrapped an arm around Peter in a gesture that was almost a headlock._

"_Yeah, Pete. Get out of that one."_

_Peter flashed the camera a strained smile and struggled slightly._

"_How many seconds, Moony?"_

_A corner of Lupin's mouth turned upwards. "How many flashes have you seen?"_

"_Three, four."_

"_Six seconds."_

_Sirius turned to him. "Remus…" He locked eyes with Lupin and no more needed to be said._

"_Just don't keep things from me in future."_

"_Lads, we have two seconds, get in the bloody picture!"_

_Lupin laughed and dragged Sirius by the collar, wrapping his spare arm around James. _

_CLICK!_

_As the flash went off, Sirius tried not to feel guilty about keeping the change of plan from him. _


	11. In which Peter saves the day

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: My fourth update in half as many days. I think I'm addicted to fanfiction! I wanted to make this one a little lighter so fingers crossed this will turn out happier.**

No-one attempted to break the silence. There was nothing to say.

Eventually, Sirius broke the silence. Neither Harry nor Lupin was surprised by this. Silence and Sirius suited one another about as well as pleasantries suited Snape.

"Remus, I can't even begin to-"

Lupin smiled grimly. "Then don't." He knelt beside Harry and the box, flicking through them, knowing them as only a photographer could. He grinned at Harry and handed him a photograph of his father and Sirius, arms round one another and grinning inanely.

Harry frowned in confusion. "When was this taken?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Well, see that nutter in his wedding suit? Right, give you three guesses."

_1979_

"_Remus, you've thought of something haven't you?"_

_Lupin nodded. "Oh yeah, got a great speech written."_

_Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. "I just couldn't possibly think of what to write. Everyone's expecting it to be brilliant, you know. I'll be straight with you, Moons. I haven't got the faintest clue."_

_Lupin nodded sympathetically. "Oh, well… It'll work itself out."_

_This took a moment to sink in. Sirius blinked and shook his head slowly. "No, no, no. You said you had sorted it."_

"_When did I say that?"_

"_Not two minutes ago, Remus."_

_Lupin nodded. "Oh, I see. No, you misunderstood. I've written my speech."_

_Sirius gawped at him. "You promised last night that you would help me with it."_

_Lupin grinned. "And I will. Luckily for you, I've got a plan. The thing is, to really work, we can't rehearse it."_

"_What do you mean we can't rehearse it? It's my best man's speech! It's the pinnacle of my life thus far and you're telling me we can't rehearse it?"_

_Lupin nodded. "Trust me, it'll be great. I'll tell you what it is after the ceremony when I've worked on it."_

_Sirius stared after him. "You have got to be yanking my chain!"_

"_I beg your pardon?"_

"_You expect me to just hand it all over to you and hope for the best?"_

_Lupin smirked. "Why not? You used to do it all the time with your Charms essays and they came out with top marks."_

"_Remus, this is not homework we're talking about. This is my speech and if I cock it up, James will smother me with a napkin!"_

"_Shh," Lupin hissed. "It's your own bloody fault for expecting it to fall into the palm of your…" His eyes widened and he smiled slowly. He was practically glowing. "Scrap the last one; I've just had my best idea yet."_

_With that announcement, he almost bounced down the stairs, calling for James and Peter and beckoning for Sirius to follow._

_Once they were all assembled in the living room and Lupin's tie had been swapped because Peter had decided to be pedantic on today of all days._

"_Pete, we're all wearing the same tie. It doesn't matter."_

"_Yes it does," squeaked Peter. "I'd sewn my initials on the back so I didn't lose it."_

_Lupin rolled his eyes and yanked the tie off, reaching for Sirius'. He flattened his hair in the mirror and turned to the other three._

"_Right," he said, in the manner of an exasperated mother. "The trifle's in the fridge and mum says to help yourselves. I've hung up your suits and labelled them. I hope there are no other tie mix-ups and here's hoping we get through today with all our limbs intact."_

_James grinned. "Amen."_

_Lupin smiled back. "James, please sort your hair out."_

_And with that he Apparated into the corridor of Lily's childhood home, hoping he wouldn't startle anyone._

"_I swear," said James, running a hand through his hair and messing it up further. "That man has replaced my mother."_

_Peter sighed and reached for his comb. "James, I've got to do it again now."_

"_Peter, I'm beginning to wonder why you're not running a hair salon somewhere."_

"_Oh shut up, Sirius."_

_James dutifully took his seat while Peter parted his hair and muttered, "I can't wait until you go bald, my life will be so much easier."_

"_Do you want to run through your speech?"_

_Sirius shook his head and hoped he was convincing. "Nah, it would ruin the surprise."_

_He met Peter's dubious gaze and silently begged him not to say anything._

"_Sirius, you seem to misunderstand me. It's not that I want to spoil the surprise, it's that I'm terrified you're going to ensure the rest of my life is spent in hiding."_

_Sirius shrugged. "Peter told you it should have been Remus."_

_Peter yanked out a knot and said, "Yes, but he never listens."_

_James winced and clutched his head. Peter rapped his knuckles with the comb and continued to rake through his hair._

"_Pete, do you have to be so brutal?"_

"_Did you have to mess your hair up straight after I'd sorted it?"_

"_I'm off for trifle, anyone else want any?"_

_James shook his head. "I think I'm going to be sick."_

_Peter dropped the comb and yanked James round to face him. "Don't tell me you're getting cold feet? Not after I've bought you a bloody toaster!"_

_Sirius tried not to laugh. "Look, Jamie, it's only a life long commitment that means you'll be emotionally bonded forever."_

_James glared at him. "I'm not getting cold feet at all. If anything, I'm worried Lily is."_

_Sirius shook his head. "I wouldn't worry about it. You know what Remus is like; he'll have heated her socks in advance."_

_Peter picked up the comb. "I hope that's a metaphor."_

_Sirius winked. "I believe the word is euphemism, Pete."_

"_Sirius, I swear to God, I'll kill you."_

"_So that's a no to trifle, is it?"_

_James glowered. _

"_Right, that's your hair as close to normal as I can get it," said Peter. "I'll get the trifle."_

_He nudged Sirius forward and disappeared into the kitchen._

"_You know I'm only joking," Sirius assured him. "I wish Remus was here to see this. Let's have a photograph."_

_James stared at him. "You're scaring me now."_

"_I've worked out how to put it on a timer."_

"_How the hell did you close enough to Moony's pride and joy to learn that sort of thing?"_

_Sirius flashed his eyebrows. "I waited until he was asleep and then I summoned it to me last night. It's not like him to leave it here though. I think he wanted me to take pictures anyway. He said something about it last night."_

_After mere seconds of fiddling, the camera's timer flashed._

"_Aha!" cried Sirius, thoroughly pleased with himself. He stepped back and wrapped his arm around his friend's shoulders. His smile soon became a grimace. "Is it just me or should it have gone off by now?"_

_Peter ambled in, licking custard off his spoon. "Have you broken Moony's camera?"_

_Sirius glanced around as though even the walls had ears. "Shh, Peter."_

_Peter shrugged. "He can't hear me. What's the matter with it?"_

"_It's not taking the picture, Pete. Oh Merlin, Remus is going to skin me alive!"_

_Peter took the camera and removed the lens cap. "Right, now try."_

_CLICK!_

_James elbowed him. "You absolute dolt." _


	12. In which James is embarrassed

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Wow. It's been a while…**

"Dare I ask why you're on the table?"

Sirius beamed. "It was for my speech."

_1979_

"_Ladies and Gentlemen, pray silence for the Best Man."_

_Sirius exhaled and somehow managed to stand. If this ended badly, Remus Lupin was going to be strung up by his cardigan and publicly castrated._

"_It's alright," he assured the guests. "You don't have to listen. I'm fairly sure that James would much prefer it if you didn't. Those of you who practise Occlumency will no doubt be aware of his hope for a fire alarm or a nice, juicy murder to distract you."_

_There were a few titters and at this, he got into his stride, standing on the table and pulling Lupin up with him._

"_Now, I'd like to say this was all my idea but it was Remus' brainchild so I will be requiring him to provide me with some of his excellent impersonations."_

_Lupin grinned down at James who was rather confused by the whole affair until his own voice filled the hall, imitated perfectly. He was almost sick. They were not about to do this. Remus Lupin was going to die._

"_So," said Lupin, turning to Lily. "This is my wedding present to you. It's 'How to live with James Potter from someone who already has'."_

"_We're thinking book deal, a succession of films…"_

_James seethed. Much as he loved Sirius, he would have to be killed too._

"_I'd like to say that I'm not going to embarrass you, James, but I'd be lying. Besides, it's my Best Man's speech and I'm going to make this a real moment to remember."_

_James hid his face in his hands._

"_When he says, 'I bought you some flowers', he means…"_

_Lupin smirked and in a cockney accent, added, "I was debating whether the redhead selling them was wearing a bra and I had to get closer."_

"'_Will you marry me, Lil?' is only…"_

"_My mother says I am old enough now to do my own laundry."_

_Lily gasped and laughed in shock. James squeezed her hand and bit his lip._

"_I bet you thought we were going to make her divorce you before the hour is through, didn't you?" Sirius grinned down at his friend who refused to look at him. "Well, anyway, that was not the plan. What we'd like to give you, James, is a last gift from the three of us to remember for the rest of your life."_

_James raised his eyebrows and managed to speak._

"_Oh I don't think I'll forget it in a hurry."_

_Sirius smirked. "I'm going to say three words."_

"_As long they're not: 'Amsterdam: the photos', then that's fine."_

"_James Potter, this is your life."_

_Lupin frowned slightly. "Sirius, 'this is your life' is four words."_

"_Must you be such a pedant?"_

_Lupin made a face. "I'm just saying."_

_CLICK!_

"_Well don't," snapped Sirius. "Peter, put that camera down and get up here!"_

_Once Peter and a rather strange contraption that Lupin swore that he had not stolen from the Primary School in which he taught, had been heaved onto the table, Lupin tapped the projector with his wand and gestured for Sirius to place his first photograph onto it._

_The baby in the picture had a tuft of dark red hair and eyes black as night. Sirius smirked and James raised a dubious eyebrow._

"_This is _my_ wedding, isn't it? Yes? Just checking."_

_Lupin's eyes widened and he hissed, "What the hell are you doing?"_

"_I'm embarrassing you, Remus. I thought you'd recognise the signs by now. Sorry everyone, my mistake. That's not James. It's Gingerpubes here."_

_The new photograph was of a small child on a miniature broomstick, breaking pots and harassing a ball of fluff that appeared to be a disgruntled Kneazle._

_Sirius grinned back at Lupin who silently seethed._

"_As we can see, from a very young age, James was a Quidditch fan. Which led to…"_

_Peter, in charge of the photographs, placed the next one on the projector._

"_No that one, Peter."_

_Peter clicked his tongue. "Maybe you should have put them in order."_

"_Well I would have if Remus hadn't sprung it on me."_

"_I didn't spring it on you! We talked about it on the way back from the Church."_

"_Exactly!"_

_Lupin sighed and took over. "His being appointed Quidditch Captain."_

"_And Head Boy!" Peter piped in._

"_Indeed," seconded Sirius. "Which also led to a strange relationship with his best friend's best friend."_

_Lily gasped as a photograph of their first kiss was projected onto a wall. "Was my hair really that frizzy?"_

"_Although," Lupin interrupted. "I am fairly sure that it was only because he dug her a Well."_

_A photograph of the four boys, James leaning on a shovel, covered in mud and grinning, filled the wall._

_Sirius grinned. "I'm not entirely sure how to begin telling you about these two. They have forced me to believe in love at first sight."_

_Lily scoffed._

_Sirius, unperturbed, continued. "You see, they showed me that there was such thing as hate at first sight so I was forced to conclude that the opposite existed. Yes, so we were the childish prats she described us as but I am actually a very nice person so as long as you wash your hair before you speak to me. Sorry, I couldn't resist. So anyway, they just despised each other for four years and no-one cared but unfortunately, in fifth year, through Remus being made Prefect, she and Moony became friends which meant that she had to spend a little more time with us than she deemed necessary." He smiled at her and winked. "And in sixth year, our dear friend Moony started going out with a girl who we all hated. Lily spent a lot of time with us while we worried about him and she came to the conclusion that Remus was normal and sensible and Peter was quiet and shy and a genuinely nice person. So now it was only myself and James that she couldn't bear to be near, which, as James said, was a step in the right direction and so was born the plan to ensnare Evans."_

_James groaned and hid his face in his hands._

"_As you can see, it worked. And now, I will tell you how we did it. We got Remus drunk and then told him to tell us what it was James needed to do to make her love him. What was it you said, Moons? 'Nothing says I love you like a freshly dug well'. I had no idea what the hell he was on about and apparently, neither did Remus who spent the whole next morning assuring us that he was an imbecile. After that incident, we were all stunned when James received a letter telling him that he had been made Head Boy. He was forced to grow up and all's well that ends well. Lily eventually saw sense and realised how sexy his hair looks and Remus and I took photographs of them without their knowledge that we are willing to sell to anyone interested as soon as this speech ends, which is now. Thank you very much for listening and please have exact change."_

_James took a deep breath and attempted a smile. "You do realise that I am going to kill you and eat the evidence, don't you?"_

_Sirius grinned back. "Oh yes but I think it was worth it, wouldn't you agree?"_


	13. In which Lupin is terrified

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

"I don't believe you," murmured Harry. "I do not believe either of you. How could you?"

Sirius laughed. "Your mum said the same thing."

"Sometimes, Harry," said Lupin. "You have to make a difficult choice. Do you do the right thing, or do you laugh until your sides are sore?"

"Speaking of laughing until our sides are sore," said Sirius, pulling out the next photograph and handing it to Lupin.

Lupin nodded slowly. "Yes, when you say our, you mean your sides were sore. I don't believe I laughed at all. In fact, in this picture I look as though I am about to go into therapy."

"You did, didn't you?"

Lupin nodded. "I kept seeing you everywhere wielding scissors."

Harry was rather worried by this. "I'm sorry, what?"

_1980_

_It had not been Remus Lupin's best full moon. In fact, he might go as far as to say that it was one of the worst. _

_He lay on the sofa in the middle of the flat, groaning and swatting at his flatmate who was currently trying to fasten a flea collar._

"_Sirius, that wasn't funny the first time and this time, it just might earn you a knee in the balls."_

_James laughed. "Come away, Sirius. I've forgotten to put the muzzle on."_

_Lupin groaned something intelligible before giving him the finger. "I need you both to disappear. Nance'll be round in a few minutes."_

"_No problem," James assured him. "I'm getting good at the Disillusionment Charm."_

"_Fuck you."_

"_You know you love it."_

_However, even Sirius complied, following James into the kitchen where they waited for her key to turn in the lock and the slight Northern accent to fill the corridor._

"_Hello, my lamb."_

_The sound of Lupin groaning a greeting made Sirius snort. "Yeah, he sounds like a lamb…in a slaughter house."_

"_Poor darling, are you terribly ill?"_

_James frowned slightly. "I know that the older woman is supposed to be really hot but is it just me, or does she sound like his mother talking to him like that?"_

_Sirius shrugged. "I don't know but she's not half as good looking at his mother."_

"_One of these days, mate, Remus is going to tear you apart and I'll just sit there and laugh."_

_Through the door, they caught: _

"_I'll get you a nice glass of wine, alright, sweetheart?"_

"_It's only five o'clock."_

_Sirius raised his eyebrows and grinned, flicking his wand so that four glasses hovered from the shelf onto the cabinet. Casually, he poured large quantities of Firewhiskey into each glass and gestured for James to open the door for him. _

"_Yes, Remus but the big hand's pointing to party and the little hand's pointing to time. Alright, Nance, how's it going?"_

_Nancy accepted the glass and sniffed at it, gingerly taking a sip and trying to conceal her surprise. She closed her eyes and pursed her lips but could not conceal her raised eyebrows and upturned nose. She cleared her throat and replied, "Very well, thank you. How is it er…going for you?"_

"_It's splendid," said Sirius, slightly mocking. "Have you heard that James here is going to have a baby?"_

_Lupin laughed to himself. "No, James is going to be a father. James isn't going to have a baby. That would be rather frightening."_

_James laughed with him. "Thank God."_

_The flea collar on the floor had become the elephant in the room. No-one dared to even look at it until Nancy, the only person in the room who was not filled with horror at the sight of it, asked, "What's that doing on the floor?"_

_Lupin's eyes widened and darkened a shade._

_Oddly, it was Sirius who came to the rescue. "It's the cat's. She wrecks everything. Oi! Rowntree!"_

_A large, black cat stalked into the room, throwing a look of utter disgust towards Nancy before settling on Sirius' lap._

"_Oh, Remus, you didn't tell me you had a cat."_

_Lupin shrugged. "She's not around much. She can take care of herself. She only comes in for a bed for the night. Very much like Sirius, who should probably be getting off to wherever he's supposed to be right about now."_

_Sirius took the hint and shifted Rowntree off his lap. She was keen to leave after he had fastened a collar round her neck and made her hate him almost as much as she used to._

"_Alright, we'll see you later, Remus. Bye, Nance."_

_It was nine o'clock before Sirius dared to go back, hoping that Nancy had left. Unable to let the joke lie, he also returned with a cardboard box full of squeaky toys, tripe strips and a shock collar._

_The lights were off when he strolled into the living room and switching them on, he wished he hadn't._

"_Oh dear Christ! Remus, I sit on that sofa!"_

_Nancy leapt to her feet and hurriedly made her excuses. "I'll um…I'll speak to you in the week, Remus, alright?"_

"_Let me see you out."_

"_No, no, no. I know the way."_

_Sirius dropped the box. "I came with a peace treaty. I think I'm going to need it." _

_Lupin winced, propping himself up against the arm of the sofa. "Can you hand me my shirt?"_

_Sirius picked it up as though it were about to explode and flung it at his flatmate. "You have ruined that sofa."_

"_She was only kissing me."_

_Sirius breathed in deeply. "You were shirtless."_

"_So? Sirius, that's nothing. I mean, I've had s-"_

_Sirius stared at it. "I've sat on that since Gemini."_

_Lupin stared at the floor._

"_There's only one thing to do now, Remus," said Sirius, sombrely, heading into the kitchen. "I think we're going to have to get you snipped."_

_Lupin looked as though he was going to be sick when Sirius returned wielding the kitchen scissors and his camera._

_CLICK!_

_"April fool!"_

_"Bastard!"_


	14. In which Sirius is suspicious

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Ooh, angst…**

The next photograph made Harry's heart flutter. He recognised St. Mungo's at once. He recognised the very ward in which the picture had been taken. The same ward that Arthur Weasley lay in as they spoke was also the focus of the picture.

Like Arthur, Lupin was incredibly frail but he smiled at least faintly as Sirius wrapped an arm around him, sitting on his hospital bed.

"What?"

Lupin sighed. "You've heard of Molly's brothers?"

Harry nodded. Certainly, he knew of them. There were very few who hadn't.

Sirius smiled fondly. "They and Remus became practically inseparable and we used to call them the Justice League Squad to piss Moony off."

For once, Lupin did not object to his friend's vocabulary. "We were assigned a lot of work together and our luck ran out one night. I was incredibly lucky; incredibly."

_August 1981_

_There was still no sign of movement; only the laboured, shallow breaths and occasional groan. They were signals of his pain and yet, to Sirius who had taken on the unlikely role of Guardian Angel, they were signs of hope. They were signs that Remus was alive and that was more than enough for now. So what if he was the spy, they would deal with that when he woke up._

_Lupin spluttered and rose slightly, wincing as he did so. He groaned and fell back on his pillow, his eyes dull and barely open. _

_He gasped for breath and stared at the ceiling for some time before he appeared to make sense of his world. He shot up, ignoring the crack that made even Sirius wince, and turned to his visitor._

_No sooner had he done so than he was engulfed in huge arms that almost squeezed the life out of him and surrounded by the smell of coconut hair conditioner._

_CLICK!_

"_Sirius?"_

_Sirius nodded. "Well if I'm Antonin Dolohov back for revenge, then this is one hell of an elaborate disguise."_

_Lupin managed a faint smile. "Why am I in Mungo's?"_

_Sirius cleared his throat and fiddled with the edge of the bed linen, staring at the floor. This was a story that would take some telling and Lupin had the strangest feeling that it involved an attempt at baking potatoes._

"_Well, Remus, you remember what you were asked to do Wednesday night?"_

_Lupin frowned. Wednesday night was certainly familiar. Yes, Wednesday night he was supposed to be watching the home of a suspected Death Eater._

_In a flash of green light it all came back to him. His eyes darted across the ward. "Where are the Prewetts?"_

_Sirius shook his head. "Don't you remember anything, Remus?"_

_Lupin frowned again. It was almost tragic. The spell was obviously one of Dolohov's own devising. Whatever it was had slowly shut down the internal organs. Heaven knows what it had done to the once brilliant mind. Sirius took comfort in the fact that at least his friend could sit up unaided. He wasn't a complete vegetable._

"_I know what you're thinking, Sirius," snapped Lupin. "I'm not stupid, alright? I just can't remember."_

_Sirius faked affront. "Just when did I say that I thought you were stupid?"_

_Lupin sighed. "I could see it in your eyes. You thought you'd be feeding me mashed suede, didn't you?"_

_Sirius shook his head. "You don't like suede. I was going to go for carrots."_

_This forced a smile but Lupin's original question was not soon forgotten. He had cottoned on by now and was desperate for information._

"_Where are they, Pad?"_

_Sirius wrung his hands. "I…Remus, they fought like heroes. Everyone said so. I mean, Lily was there and-"_

_Lupin blinked rapidly. "Lily was there? No, Lily doesn't come with us. Why would Lily be there?"_

_Sirius bit his lip. Why was this left to him? He'd only botch it up. The only person who could do a worse job was Peter and he was nowhere to be seen these days anyway._

"_Remus, you sent a Patronus."_

"_To Lily?"_

_Sirius nodded. "We don't know why but it's become pretty clear that you were ambushed. We don't know why they picked Wednesday when you'd been there all week. We don't know who made up the party. All we know is that at ten minutes to eleven on Wednesday night, you sent a Patronus telling her goodbye and she freaked out. We all knew where you were and by the time she got there, Fabian was dead. Gideon told her to take you and go because you'd been hit by Dolohov and he didn't recognise the curse. That was the last we ever saw of him. I don't know how you managed to survive it, Remus, really I don't."_

_Lupin sighed. So they were having this discussion again and just when he thought Sirius had put it behind him and realised that his suspicions were paranoia. He shrugged. "I don't know either, Sirius. I suppose I was lucky."_

_The man who sat opposite him now was almost unrecognisable as the same man who had hugged him and taken a photograph of his waking. Sirius' back was straight and he had lost all friendly demeanours._

"_So how did they know you'd be there?"_

_Lupin raised his eyebrows. "Are you trying to suggest that I betrayed my friends?"_

_Sirius shrugged. "I just wonder, that's all."_

_Lupin was tired of his moodswings. He shook his head slowly. "I would rather die."_

"_You very nearly did."_

"_Sirius, I have had quite enough of you keeping me up in the air. What the hell is going on?"_

_Sirius shushed him. "The nurse said you weren't to be strained."_

"_God knows why she let you in then."_

_Such was Lupin's sarcastic nature that it was extremely difficult to determine whether he was serious._

_Sirius shrugged. "I wanted to know what was going on. I'm worried about you. Aside from that, someone needed to tell you about the Prewetts and James and Lily aren't able to leave their own house at the moment."_

"_Don't say it as though it's my fault."_

"_You're getting awfully defensive, Remus."_

"_Oh, fuck you."_

_Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Why Lily?"_

"_I beg your pardon?"_

_He resumed his seat. "Why ask Lily to go? Why not ask someone who could have saved Gideon too? Or was Lily even supposed to save your arse?"_

"_I said goodbye to Lily because she's the only person who gives a shit whether I live or die."_

_Sirius stood, staring down at Lupin. "She's not, Remus. Really, she's not."_

_And with that, he was gone. Only then did Lupin allow himself to sob into his pillow, muffling the sound. He desperately wished that he could remember the exact reason for his loss. _

_Perhaps it was for the best. After all, some horrors are better forgotten._


	15. In which James is Dadish

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: This one took a looooong time to write. Yeah, it's the same picture in Desecration.**

The picture was harmless enough, four young men standing in a garden, bathed in sunlight and surrounded by hanging baskets, ivy, sunflowers and lilies in the garden pond. It would have made him smile but Harry was speechless. His godfather's face had been scribbled over in dark ink that probably came from a biro. TRAITOR had been scrawled along his white shirt. His hands shook and Lupin snatched the photograph, ripping it into shreds and casting them into the fire.

"It was a while ago," he murmured, unable to meet Sirius' eye. "It was a bad night. I would never…"

Sirius cleared his throat. "Don't worry about it. It was years ago."

"Not that long ago."

Harry stared at the carpet, not daring to look up. He dreaded to think what he had unleashed. Dread was soon replaced by anger. Lupin had felt that strongly about Sirius' alleged betrayal? The rest of the Wizarding World had thought it too but they hadn't known him like Lupin had. He should have known. Harry had the overwhelming urge to besmirch Lupin's image in the same way. If anyone had betrayed their friends then it was…

Harry took a deep breath and came to his senses. Sirius had warned him that his former professor was in the possession of a tremendous temper, perhaps worse than his own. Besides, he had also been warned that he would feel this way. He frowned and kept his eyes trained on his shoelaces.

"I'm sorry," said Lupin finally. "It was childish."

Sirius shook his head. "I told you to forget it. Let's face it, I would have done the same to you. It wasn't entirely undeserved." He smiled at Lupin who attempted one in response. "Have you got the other one?"

Lupin shrugged. "Somewhere."

_1980_

"_Lil, will you take them?"_

_Lily nodded and accepted Lupin's camera. "I can't believe you want pictures in the garden."_

_Lupin shrugged. "It looks nice. I want some pictures of us that aren't of Sirius being a dolt."_

"_I, Moony, am never a dolt. I am merely unhinged. There is a huge difference between Dunce's Corner and St. Mungo's."_

_Lupin frowned. "I really don't think that that's anything to be proud of."_

_Peter hiccoughed a response and laughed to himself. James shook his head slowly and stared at his friend._

"_Are you alright, Pete?"_

_Peter gave him the thumbs up and hiccoughed a second time. He really ought to work on holding his Firewhiskey. It was due to Peter's reaction that Lily felt she ought to step in before the house caught fire._

"_And you're sure you don't want me to make something quickly?"_

_James clicked his tongue. "Lil, it's summer, I'm a man and I want to grill unsavoury bits of cheap meat."_

_She sighed. "On your head be it. If the sensible people…sorry, Remus, person, would like some pasta with me then he is more than welcome."_

_Lupin laughed. "I think I'd better stay here. They'll need an adult to supervise. Besides, you can't go anywhere, you promised you'd take pictures."_

_James bit his lip. "And I might need someone to tell me when it won't give me Salmonella." He smiled charmingly. "And obviously, your company would be very much appreciated."_

_Sirius grinned. "Good save. I didn't think you were going to get away with that one." He gasped. "I've been here for four hours and I haven't even asked after Harry!"_

_Lily smiled grimly. "I don't know why we made you godfather. Truly, there are days when it's beyond me."_

_Lupin hmmed vaguely. "Especially after the Christening."_

_Sirius glared at him. "It could have happened to anyone."_

"_No, Padfoot, really, it couldn't have; at least not to anyone with half a brain cell."_

_Sirius, forced to admit that it was indeed the truth, smiled sarcastically. "Shut up and drink."_

_Unfortunately, Lupin did as he was told and was soon almost as intoxicated as Peter. Perhaps this was the reason that he did precisely what he had assured himself that he would not and accepted a piece of chicken from James._

"_Moony, you know who hasn't heard your party trick?"_

"_Harry?"_

_James grinned. "No, Harry hasn't either. Lil, go and get him."_

_Lily was horrified. "No. He's sleeping. What party trick?"_

_Lupin nodded. "Oh, you meant Lily."_

_Sirius beamed. "Remus does superb impressions."_

_Peter nodded, his eyelids heavy, along with James who said, "And he sings Bohemian Rhapsody as Peter. He did it as Sirius once. That was hysterical."_

_Sirius rolled his eyes. "Shut up."_

_Lily shook her head. "You lot ought to be on the stage. I'm sure people would pay to see this much stupidity all in one place. Come on, bunch together a bit." She held up the camera and the three Marauders able to stand, wrapped their arms around one another's shoulders and smiled for it._

_CLICK!_

_Sirius burst into peels of laughter and pocketed his wand. He nudged Lupin and pointed at James' soot stained face and "Kiss me, I'm on fire" apron. "And now we have pictures of it," he laughed. "We can make a fortune selling these to the others. We can move out of the Hovel."_

_Lupin raised an eyebrow. "I love my Hovel. Go and live with Wormtail if you're that bothered by it."_

_Peter shrugged. "You can come if you like but that bloody cat is staying with Remus."_

_Sirius agreed. "He's the only one she won't try and eat anyway. Come on, Pete, get up."_

_Peter shook his head. "I'm fine here."_

_Sirius pulled him to his feet. "You've got to be in at least one of tonight's pictures. It's Prongs' first attempt at being Dad-ish."_

_James sighed. "I'm not being Dad-ish, and I don't care what you've put on my face but you can bloody well remove it when you like."_

_Sirius shrugged. "I don't know how to take it off."_

_James' eyes widened. He looked prepared to commit murder until his wife returned with a baby wipe and began to practically scrape the soot from his cheeks._

"_Ow! Lil!"_

_Lily pursed her lips. "You've earned every wince, Potter."_

"_I notice you're not this horrible to the baby."_

_Lily took a deep breath. "Harry has never deserved it."_

_James winced. "You don't call him Potter either."_

"_Sorry, force of habit."_

_James raised his eyebrows. "Well I've kept still through all that. I've been cursed and had no sympathy from my own wife. I have been rubbed raw. I think after all that, I deserve a kiss, don't you?"_

_Sirius met Lupin's eye and winked. "Of course, you do. Come here."_

_Lily reached up and wrapped her arms around him, granting his request._

_CLICK!_

"_I have absolutely no doubt that Padfoot is a better kisser than me and I have no intention of losing you to him."_

_James bit back his grin. "Really? Even after all the effort you put into avoiding me?"_

_She smiled. "Even after all the effort I put into avoiding you, yes."_

"_Is it just me," slurred Peter. "Or have you never felt like such a gooseberry in your life?"_

_Lupin smiled fondly. "We'd better be going."_

_Sirius bit his lip. "Okay, but first I have to steal that apron."_


	16. In which Lupin makes an offer

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

Harry grinned despite himself. He wished desperately that he could have seen the clean copy or that Remus Lupin had not decided to take total leave of his senses one night. "Did you do it often?" he asked quietly, unsure whether he was referring to attempting to grill cheap meat or scribbling out Sirius' face and writing obscene remarks about him.

Lupin ignored him and Sirius chose to take the question at face value. "Yeah, your dad fancied himself as the hunter gatherer." Sirius laughed to himself. "What was presented to us was…well, it certainly looked…interesting."

From the other side of the room, flicking through what Harry assumed was a further pile of melancholy scenarios, Lupin made several sounds in the back of his throat that screamed his agreement. "And it tasted about as interesting as it looked."

Sirius scoffed. "You can talk. I remember taking one look at your attempt at Sheppard's Pie not so long ago, mate, and refusing to eat it."

Lupin shrugged. "Kreacher's still alive, isn't he? It didn't kill him."

"Remus, I can only assume that you gave it your best damn shot."

Harry laughed and accepted the offered photograph depicting a much younger Lupin who wore a pair of marigolds, and Sirius wave at him from the confines of a small, bare walled corridor.

"Where's that?"

_1979_

"_I can't stay here," protested Sirius. "They're getting married next week. I'm not playing gooseberry."_

_Peter frowned. "I thought you were moving in with that Muggle with the spare room."_

"_I was going to, but he listens to Frankie Goes to Hollywood albums with his Pekinese. Next thing I know, he'll be making quiche."_

_Lupin smirked._

"_He won't put you in it," said Peter. "It's illegal."_

_Sirius smacked him round the back of the head. "Be quiet, Peter."_

"_Well," said Lupin. "What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?"_

"_It's my day off so I thought I'd get some last minute Stag Night planning done. You know, thought I'd debate the merits of a prostitute, wonder where we can buy some seriously good stuff to inhale and possibly read some more of SuperBike. Why?"_

_Lupin raised his eyebrows. "I was going to ask you if you wanted to come and see a flat with me but if you've got plans…"_

"_I haven't got plans!" piped in Peter. "I could come."_

_Lupin laughed. "I think my sick sense of humour is somewhat wasted on you, Pete. So, Sirius, are you coming or not?"_

"_You really didn't have to ask."_

_The walls had only just been plastered, the ceiling was slowly caving in and the carpet was covered in some highly questionable stains that Lupin attacked with every spell and later, Muggle cleaning fluid known to man; but it was theirs._

"_Christ, Remus, any worse for wear and it would be a hole in the ground!"_

_Lupin shrugged. "It's all I can afford on my salary. Teachers are poor. That's why we have patches on our jackets."_

_Sirius sighed. "It looks like I'm going to have to get a job."_

_Lupin nodded. "How else will we feed the hamster?"_

"_We have a hamster?"_

"_It was a present from my mother," mumbled Lupin. "Please don't ask about it. It only makes me die inside." He sighed. "Pass me the cleaning fluid."_

"_Yeah, you're going to need it."_

_Lupin cleared his throat. "You're not offering to help me then, are you?"_

_Sirius scoffed. "Nice try. Besides, I have to find a job, remember? I have work to do."_

_Lupin raised his eyebrows. "What kind of work? You can find a job in the paper. What are you going to do, go round knocking doors and demanding a job?"_

_Sirius shrugged. "Remus, you found your job in the paper and there is absolutely no way I am teaching eight year olds maths. I'm sorry but it's true."_

_Lupin shot him a withering glance. "I might get away with it anyway. Maybe after a few paint charms…"_

_Sirius scoffed. "Dream on, mate. Dream on. I'm sure that wall's damp. I think some of the stains on this carpet are going to need pounding with a rock."_

_Lupin wrinkled his nose. "Well, thanks for your help and encouragement."_

_Sirius smiled smugly and shrugged. "You'd better get the marigolds out."_

"_Screw you!"_

_But the door had already slammed shut._

"_Honey, I'm home!"_

"_I'm serious, Padfoot. I'll make you sleep on the streets."_

_Sirius laughed and flung his 'interview coat' ("It makes me look sensible, like I shop in a mid-life crisis shop") on the flimsy hat stand the previous owner had 'generously' left behind. Frankly, it didn't look as though it could take the weight. _

_He strode casually into what was to be the living area and draped himself disturbingly elegantly along the tatty sofa. "Guess who's Archive Consultant of the public records?"_

_Lupin continued to scrub at a particularly arresting stain. "The Pope?"_

_He rolled his eyes. "Alright, so it's not much but I might get promoted."_

_Lupin gave him a meaningful look. "Yes, or sacked."_

"_And just think, you'll never need to visit a library again. I can bring almost anything home."_

_Lupin bit his lip. "Will that extend to their calendar too?"_

_Sirius shrugged although his flatmate missed the gesture. "If you want one, Remus, you can have one. Personally, I'd have a chosen a very different twelve best valleys of Britain than the Ministry have gone for but I imagine the flowery, rabbit infested valleys are more your cup of tea than mine."_

"_Sirius, do you ever shut up?" He seemed to be satisfied as he vanished the small bucket of soapy water and sponge. Lupin took a seat, shifting Sirius' legs. "You're compensating. Look, they'll have you out of Archives before the month is through and put you in a more exciting department."_

_Sirius smiled. "Do you really think so?"_

"_I know so. You can't be left alone when you're bored. No-one is safe. Cheer up; I've been planning a Housewarming party."_

_Sirius grinned. "When?"_

"_Friday. I've invited everyone in the Order although I'm not sure I want McGonagall to see me dancing, and obviously some friends from school and Mum. Invite Electra."_

_Sirius immediately perked up. "Friday?" Friday was definitely familiar. What was he doing Friday? "Shit! No, I'm babysitting."_

_Lupin scoffed. "You? Babysitting who?"_

"_Andromeda's kid," Sirius replied. "She can come, can't she?"_

_Lupin bit his lip. "I don't know. I can always rearrange. It doesn't matter. Besides, this needs a lot more work and…"_

"_I'll sort it, Moon. Friday'll be fine."_

_Lupin beamed. "I need a picture."_

_He screwed the camera onto a stand he had been given several years previously and stood back, allowing Sirius to wrap an arm around his shoulders._

_CLICK!_

"_You do realise you're still wearing those fetching gloves, Remus, right?"_

_"Bugger!"_


	17. In which Peter is spotted

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: For some reason, my line breaks were edited out of yesterday's update. This should be a Peter chapter but I really don't want to have to write Peter.  
Sorry, Dee, I do seem to have a thing for cliffhangers and leaving them. I don't have many chapters before you all get to see some party snaps anyway.**

"Have you got the next picture?" asked Harry, hoping to catch a glimpse of the dancing Lupin was adamant his former professors would not see. Even better, the young Tonks had provided endless laughter last time.

Lupin shook his head. "I have, obviously. I just have absolutely no idea where it is. I don't know why I didn't go through these. It's a pain in the arse looking for pictures when I don't even know whether I kept them." He frowned and directed his next question towards Sirius. "Is it just me or did I have a bit of thing for taking miserable photographs towards the end?"

Sirius shrugged. "I think we were just miserable to be honest. What happened to your photos, Harry?"

"They're upstairs in my r…in um…in-"

"In your room?" Sirius supplied, smiling to himself. "Do me a favour, run and get them, will you? If you don't do it now, we might be subjected to more of Remus' delightful sad memories."

Harry smiled apprehensively. "Yeah, okay."

_1979_

_CLICK!_

"_Remus, you're a pervert. A genuine pervert."_

_Lupin grinned. "It's not like I have pictures of you in the throws of passion, you know.."_

_James rolled his eyes. "You're still a pervert. Do you sneak up on every couple in the park?"_

_Lupin smirked. "Yeah, but I'm a little more discreet when I'm snapping them." He winked. "Besides, sticks and stones, James. Sticks and stones."_

"_Don't tempt me, Remus, I swear."_

_Lily laughed and pushed her fiancé away. "What are you doing here?"_

"_I'm just enjoying local scenery," said Lupin, smirking in a self-satisfied manner. "It's great here, isn't it? People are so friendly."_

_James smiled. "That's what we'll miss and…what the hell do you mean local?"_

"_I've just spent my inheritance on a poky little hellhole round the corner."_

_Lily gasped. "But that makes us practically neighbours. How lovely. You can visit."_

_James laughed. "If he comes round any more than he does, he might as well move in. Besides, we won't be here long."_

_Lupin shrugged. "I thought North London might miss some Marauder influence. Besides, it's almost ridiculously convenient for my new job at St. Braithwaite's and it's got space for Padfoot to leave the bike. It's almost too perfect."_

_Lily raised her eyebrows. "You're moving in with Paddy?"_

_James smirked. "Yeah, have you ever seen 'The Odd Couple'?"_

_Lupin smiled sarcastically. "You're just jealous."_

"_What can I say? It's always been my dream to play Happy Families as part of an Alternate Lifestyle couple."_

_Lily frowned. "What is your obsession with homosexuality?"_

_James was affronted but Lupin burst into peels of laughter. "I don't think that's a good sign, Prongs."_

"_It's a man thing," James explained. "We like to call each other puffs. It's the done thing."_

_Lily raised an eyebrow. "None of my other friends do it."_

_James shrugged. "They're obviously gay then, aren't they? I'm not being funny, love, but your friends included Snape and there's definitely something going on there."_

_Lily's eyes blazed. "We were having a lovely time. Why do you have to go and spoil it by making remarks like that?"_

_Lupin bit his lip. He knew he had been intruding as they danced around the park but he had never intended for something like this to happen. "I'm sorry, it's my fault. I'll leave you to it."_

_James shook his head. "How the hell is it your fault? Christ, I have never met anyone who likes to blame himself more than you do, Moony."_

_Lily clicked her tongue. "Look, I'm sorry, alright. I'm just touchy about it."_

"_I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be such an idiot."_

_It all made Lupin feel decidedly uncomfortable, as though he was intruding on a truly private moment. The softness in their eyes as they smiled at one another, nervously trying to judge the other's reaction was not meant to be witnessed. It was for them and them alone. It was almost as though they had forgotten his presence._

_CLICK!_

"_Remus, seriously."_

_Lupin laughed. "I know but just think, when you pair have sprogs, they'll need something to be embarrassed about - won't they? Anyway, I'd better leave you to it." He whistled at a pitch that made Lily wince and a large, ebony black cat careered towards them. It looked as though it had escaped from the zoo but it stopped at Lupin's legs and wrapped its tail around them in a possessive gesture. "I'm just taking the cat for a walk,," Lupin explained. "We'd better get back.." He waved and ran alongside the cat until he disappeared from view._

_Lily turned to James. "What do you suppose is bothering him?"_

"_Something's bothering him?"_

_She rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue. "How obtuse can you get?"_

"_The moon maybe?"_

_She shook her head. "Not for two weeks. Doesn't matter, come on"_

"_Well, Lily, what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"_

_James sighed. "Sirius, a pleasure."_

"_What's bothering who?" he asked, smiling invitingly. "Oh, are you going for a stroll? Mind if I tag along? Oh look, there's Pete! Hi, Wormy! Over here!"_

"_The word conspiracy springs to mind," James muttered, draping an arm around Lily's shoulders. "They'll be the death of me."_


	18. In which Peter soothes

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

Harry stared down at the next picture of himself sitting on the lap of a much younger Lupin. He smiled and chewed his fingernails. Lupin's arm was wrapped firmly around him and he even managed to smile though the tear tracks on his red raw cheeks were plain to see.

"What happened?"

Lupin sighed. "I chose a time when everyone was round to be an idiot."

_February 26__th__ 1981_

"_What's happened?"_

_Sirius closed the door behind his friends. "I don't know. He won't talk about it. He just sits there and stares. He was crying all morning and a couple of hours later he started shaking."_

_Lily thrust her son into his godfather's arms and threw open the living room door. She waited for Lupin's gaze to travel to her but it did not. He continued to stare blankly at the electric heater in the far corner of the room. _

"_Remus?"_

_He nodded once but made no other sign. _

"_Remus, what's the matter?"_

_He made no answer, no gesture, no acknowledgement that she was even there._

"_Remus, please answer me."_

_Finally, he looked at her, though glared darkly may have been a better description. "What do you want me to say?"_

_Lily's blood boiled. "Don't speak to me like that! I've done nothing but worry about you. You don't think that I have better things to be doing? I shouldn't be leaving home but when Sirius says that there's something very wrong, I abandon everything, I risk the safety of my son and what the bloody hell for?"_

_James tugged gently at her elbow and pulled her back._

_Lupin remained unfazed. "I didn't ask you to."_

_Sirius sighed. "Remus, please. Tell us or man it up a bit."_

_He had not expected Lupin's sudden leap to his feet. "Piss off!" Nor did he expect the strangled sob that followed, at the sound of which, Lily wrapped her arms around him, her anger forgotten._

"_It's alright, it's alright."_

"_It's not alright. How can it be alright?" He removed Lily' s arm from round him and resumed his seat, muttering, "If ever there was a girl I would have married, it would have been her." He smiled grimly through his tears. "She was a bitch,"_

_James covered his son's ears and smiled down at him. "Just while uncle Moony gets it out of his system, mate."_

"_A total bitch and I hated her."_

_Lily rubbed circles round his back. "I don't-"_

_The door burst open. "Thank Christ, you're alright!"_

"_Jesus, Pete! You almost gave me a heart attack," cried Sirius, breathing hard. "Next time knock, yeah?"_

_Peter ignored him and flung his arms around Lupin. "I heard."_

_Lupin froze and pulled back/ "What do you know? How?"_

_Peter winced. "I had a run in with Snape." He pulled down one side of his shirt and revealed a cluster of scars reminiscent of Lupin's. "Sectumsempra," he muttered. "He was pretty pissed off." He shook his head. "You didn't kill her, Remus. Mulciber did. They all know it. She turned traitor. She wanted to do it, Remus, believe me."_

"_How can you know?" Lupin asked quietly. "How can anyone know?"_

_Sirius frowned. "Good question."_

"_I was told," Peter answered. "It was one of those sick moments that usually happen in films. You know, where the bad guy tells you everything and then says he's going to kill you. I don't think he counted on Gideon turning the corner." He turned back to Lupin. "She knew herself. Anna never did anything unless she had all sides covered. You know that."_

_Lupin nodded but his hands still shook. "I never thanked her."_

_James and Sirius locked eyes. _

"_What happened, Peter?"_

_Peter shrugged. "I don't know everything. Anna Mulciber is dead. She was killed last night when Remus went round to his mother's."_

_Lupin sniffed. "He tried to kill me. James, they know about the Fidelius Charm. He thought I was your Secret Keeper. That's why he went for me. She…she got in the way. He couldn't even touch me afterwards."_

"_She loved you," Lily murmured._

"_And I love her and that's why I couldn't tell you. You'd all laugh at me and think I was an idiot or you'd say things about her that I couldn't take."_

_Sirius shook his head. "Look, Nancy will-"_

"_Nancy won't.," said Lupin. "I'm nothing to Nancy."_

"_That's not true," said James. "She's mad about you."_

_Lupin shook his head. "I couldn't be with her. I went to see her this morning."_

"_What did she say?" asked Sirius. _

_Lupin frowned. "She slapped me," he said. "And then she told me she was too old for me. What is it with women and mixed messages?"_

_Lily laughed. "I'd say that was pretty clear."_

"_Well, you would," said James. "You're a woman. Remus, I'm very sorry."_

_Lupin nodded and blinked back more tears. "I'm such a bloody girl," he muttered._

"_Not just for Anna. I didn't mean to offend you. We were just worried out of our brains." James smiled and handed his son over. "Now apologise to Harry for scaring the hell out of him."_

_Lupin sat the child on his knee and put an arm around him to steady him. "I'm sorry, mate. Don't ever repeat a word of what I said." He smiled grimly and Harry beamed back. "Uncle Moony's being a dolt."_

_Sirius grinned. "Can you say that for him, Harry? Can you do me proud and call him a dolt?" He stood and reached for Lupin's camera. "Well, it's an important day and we need one happy picture. Smile, Moons!"_

_CLICK!_

"_Any chance I can have my son back?"_

"_None at all, Prongs. We'll deliver him in the morning if you're lucky. He's the only thing Moony's smiled at all day."_

_Lupin handed him back. "Peter, can I have a word?"_


	19. In which Sirius loses

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

The photograph showed a room full of strained smiles. Sirius' arm wound around Electra and their smiles were wide enough to pull facial muscles but neither reached their eyes. Sirius, despite the false beam, had a face like thunder and Electra looked as though she was about to burst into tears.

"What?"

Sirius took a deep breath. "That wasn't taken by Remus. That was from Peter's camera."

Lupin stared at the carpet. "I met him the next day and he gave it to me. He said that he wanted me to have something from last night because not only had I lost my dignity but I almost ruined it for you. Christ, I am so sorry."

Sirius shook his head. "No. I brought that on myself."

"You could have had a family."

"What would I have done with a family - I mean other than screw them up? I didn't really want to go through with it anyway. She sort of talked me into it. All I did was accept her proposal because I don't believe anyone knew how to refuse Electra while keeping their arms and legs."

"You were going to get married?" Harry asked, his mouth falling open.

_1981_

_Really, Lupin didn't know why he had been invited. He wasn't sure that Sirius had actually asked him. He only came because James told him he was going and Lily had found him a tie for it. He accepted the drink from what had been his drink's cabinet. The real hurt was watching his friends party in a flat that he had wanted to buy, where he and Sirius had partied before. He shook his head. He had been the one to move out. Sirius hadn't thrown him onto the street._

"_He probably wanted to," he muttered to himself, downing the overly large measure of Firewhiskey._

"_Who probably wanted to what?" Peter asked._

_Lupin shook his head. "Doesn't matter." It didn't seem like long ago that he had been dancing on that coffee table. It was only three months ago that the Prewitts had tried to intoxicate his cat.. Six months ago, he'd been dancing with Marlene McKinnon, trying to teach her to tango round the room. He smiled at the memory. He'd told everyone about that at her funeral. His friends were being picked off one by one. He reached for the next drink._

"_Remus, don't you think you've had enough?"_

_Lupin laughed bitterly. "Er…no, Pete, I don't think I have; not quite yet."_

"_You're embarrassing yourself."_

_Lupin turned on his heel and spat, "No! Do you know what's embarrassing? The fact that I am standing in my own home as a guest that wasn't even invited. I am having to ask for drink that I paid for with my bloody wages - what little I get. Everyone in this room thinks I'm a traitor and no-one wants me here. They won't even speak to me, Peter. That's what's fucking embarrassing." His eyes flashed dangerously, shining like burnt topaz in the light, like the wolf's. "So, yes please, Peter, I will have that drink. Thanks very much."_

_Peter handed it to him wordlessly. He watched as Lupin knocked it back and said quietly. "It's dangerous, Remus - the drinking."_

_Lupin grinned wolfishly. "You know what's dangerous? I'm dangerous."_

"_Well, we're all dangerous, Remus," replied Peter. "I'm dangerous. Do you know why? Because I'm not as stupid as you lot think I am."_

_Lupin frowned and refilled his glass. "I don't think you're stupid."_

_Peter laughed. "You're the only one who doesn't. Although, you're the only one who doesn't look at me like I'm a skid mark on a hotel towel so maybe they're connected. I don't want to be stupid, Moony. I'm going to prove I'm not and I'm starting to think this is the right sort of time. You know, this is just a game, Remus - life. Life's a game and let's face it, you should be one of its losers, but you're not. Whatever it throws at you, you get up and dust yourself off. I want to be like you. "_

"_Pete, I'm not quite drunk enough for that to make sense."_

"_Then have another drink," said Peter. "It's funny. Isn't it?" He laughed hysterically and Lupin began to wonder whether they had both been drinking before they came. _

"_I don't think there's anything funny about it."_

"_Don't you? It's a joke, Remus. Life's a joke. Don't you see? We're all going to die! Sirius, over there. Sirius is a winner. So's James, look at them. Don't you think it's time they lost for once?"_

_Lupin nodded. "Yeah, I think it's time Sirius lost." He cleared his throat and tapped the side of his glass. "Well, can I just start by wishing the happy couple good luck? They'll need it. I haven't felt so much love in a room since Sirius looked into his own eyes so it should be a happy marriage as their both so in love with him. Although she fell in a light so dim, she wouldn't choose her lipstick by it. Frankly, Sirius, I cannot for the life of me fathom why you would marry any woman who would take you for a husband. Now, talking of marriage without mentioning divorce is like sending people into battle without telling them that they won't all make it back. Fifty per cent of marriages end in divorce but the other half end in death so you could be one of the lucky ones. Have fun having your genitals dragged through your wallet. Don't get me wrong, the first part of your marriage might be perfectly amicable but after the ceremony, it's down hill from there, sweetheart, trust me. No matter who you marry, you wake up next to someone else and the next morning he will be a total bastard because that's what he does, Electra. He lulls you and he tells you that he needs you and you mean more than the earth and then he just discards you and starts treating you like you're a love letter he hadn't meant to send. I mean he'll stay with you and he won't stop your friends from seeing you but it's only out of spite. That way, he gets to treat you like shit for twelve hours a day. And you know what? I want to wish you every happiness that you couldn't bring yourself to wish me. I want to see you live a long life with absolutely no regrets even if that means I'm wrong. I want you to have a fantastic time of it. I don't know why you can't believe me. I'm not a coward and I don't sell out my friends but we can't all be Sirius. Some of us have to sit on the pavement and clap as he walks by. I would give anything, I mean anything to be able to…" Lupin trailed off, his voice losing all sarcasm and spite. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm here. Goodnight."_

_Lupin stalked out, leaving a speechless Peter._

_CLICK!_

"_Well, now," said Peter, nudging his former Transfiguration professor. "That was really quite something, wasn't it? I never thought Remus had it in him."_

_McGonagall blinked twice. "No, I don't think any of us did."_

_Peter smiled strangely. "These are strange times, aren't they? We've all hidden something somewhere."_

1995

Lupin hid his head in his hands and mumbled, "I was just so drunk. I was so completely blinded by this constant belief that it was you that I couldn't see."

Rather suddenly, Harry realised what Lupin had been talking about earlier that afternoon. The words echoed round his head: "_Living in the moment, you are forgiven for not realising the true meaning behind a gesture, behind an odd look, behind the expression on someone's face. However, when you watch that gesture, that look, that expression, every day, well…_" and Harry wondered whether he could forgive.

"I had a different kind of loss pictured in my head, Sirius. I just wanted to piss you off. I didn't want this. I'm not-"

Sirius nodded and cut him off. "I know. Moon, to be perfectly honest, if you'd told me, I wouldn't have believed you and neither would James."

Harry's head shot up. "Why?" His anger had transferred now to Sirius and his resentment to his father.

Sirius smiled grimly. "Because we were both so sure it was - I'm sorry, Remus - but we both thought we knew it was you. I know you pulled the Lycanthropy card on us too many times to count but we thought Voldemort would see past it if he could find a spy. Christ, I can't apologise enough. Harry, I'm so sorry."

Harry ignored the apology. "So why didn't you get married then?"

Sirius winced. "Three days later, Harry, your parents were murdered."


	20. In which Lupin is defended

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: A happier picture this time. These are getting depressing. I know this is insanely quick but I can't stop with this fic now. Thanks to BluLady, Dee and DerangedxandxSarcastic. **

Harry didn't want to see any more of these. He wanted to sit somewhere alone and wonder what would have happened if Lupin had understood and if Sirius had believed him. He wanted to wonder what Electra would have been like as a godmother. He wanted to wonder whether he would have had siblings or whether his godfather might have had children for him to spend time with. He shuddered. On second thoughts, no he didn't.

He rifled through the next few pictures just to have the excuse not to look at Lupin and his godfather. He needed something to do with his hands.

He saw nothing that was entirely to his satisfaction until he reached a small pile toward the back of the box. He pulled out the first of these and held it up to the light. What must have been most of the Order were standing together in what he recognised as Diagon Alley. The four Marauders stood at the front, doubling over and laughing. Despite himself, Harry couldn't help but grin with them.

Sirius smiled and cried, "I am Spartacus!"

Harry raised an eyebrow and Lupin burst into laughter.

_1980_

"_I'll pay then."_

"_James, please-"_

"_Remus, I won't hear of it. You're bloody well coming in, now for fuck's sake, stop fighting me on it because it's bloody cold out here and I'm starving."_

_Sirius grinned. "They'll even do your steak rare. You can't say fairer than that."_

_Lupin sighed and reluctantly pushed open the door. He didn't know what he was doing in a four star restaurant but he felt that he could get used to it with enough practise._

_The Prewitts were already waiting and immediately jumped to their feet to greet them. Fabian extended his arms. "Remus, baby, come on. We saved you a seat."_

_Lupin grinned despite himself. "Will you stop calling me baby? It's freaking me out. Marlene! Lovely to see you. How's things?"_

_Marlene McKinnon beamed back. "Pretty bloody good. We're really getting somewhere with Greyback. Give it a few more weeks and I'll kick the bastard's arse through the doors of the courtroom." She bit her lip. "I'm sorry, Remus."_

"_No, don't be. That's wonderful news. I like your new hair, by the way."_

_Marlene ran her fingers through her peroxide locks. "Thanks. It gets me noticed."_

"_You don't need bright hair to be noticed," Sirius told her, winking. "Your-" Electra glared. "Darling, I was going to say charm, I swear it."_

_Electra frowned. "I shouldn't be here. If anyone sees me-"_

_Gideon rolled his eyes. "As if she's a huge loss," he murmured to his brother._

_Sirius wrapped an arm around her. "They'll be too busy looking at me and thinking 'Who on earth is that gorgeous specimen over there with Potter?'"_

_Alice Longbottom laughed incredulously. "You know, Sirius, it's so easy to love you for your modesty."_

_Lupin grinned at her conspiratorially. "I've been saying that for years. He's just so transcendent and humble."_

"_It's the lowest form of wit, Remus."_

"You're_ the lowest form of wit."_

_Lily sighed. "Will you two ever grow up?" She took the seat next to Lupin and said, "I don't know what comes over you. You're a perfectly normal human being and then you meet up with those three and something just clicks in your head. It's the same with James. You're mental; all of you. Now, I do believe I'll have the scallops. They're apparently gorgeous here."_

_By the time twenty of them had sat down, rearranged themselves and pushed tables together, their waiter had been hovering for five minutes, tittering and protesting as much as he dared with men the size of Frank and Sirius around._

"_I don't know why you bother with a menu," said Gideon, reading over Lupin's shoulder. "You always have the same thing wherever we go."_

_Lupin smiled to himself. "I like to weigh up my options. Besides, I may just surprise you." He looked up and caught the waiter's eye. "Can I have a steak please?"_

_James laughed. "I'm glad you prepared me for the shock decision, Moony."_

"_How would you like that, sir?"_

_James grinned. "So rare that a decent vet could put it back on its feet."_

_The waiter frowned slightly. "Very well, sir." It wasn't long before he returned and the hubbub of chatter ceased while one by one, the Order stared up at him. He cleared his throat. "Is there a Mr. Remus Lupin amongst you?"_

_Lupin sighed and pushed back his chair. He raised his eyebrows when he found Sirius already on his feet._

"_I'm Lupin," said Sirius._

"_I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave."_

_The cries of astonishment and anger filled the room. James got to his feet. "I'm Lupin., shortly followed by Peter. "No, I'm Lupin." and Frank. "I'm Lupin."_

_The Prewitts stood. "We're Lupin."_

_Marlene jumped out of her chair. "I'm Lupin."_

_The waiter sighed. "Madame, that is impossible."_

_Marlene pursed her lips and said in a voice rather too loud, "Oh, so your prejudice extends to women too now, does it?"_

_Lupin buried his crimson face in his hands. "What the hell is this? Spartacus? _I_ am Lupin."_

_By this time, they had drawn the attention of every man, woman and child in the room and Andromeda in the far end said, "I'm Lupin."_

_Sirius waved and smiled as her husband did the same. "Well, ladies and gents. Electra! Get up and say you're Remus." He pulled her to her feet. "That's good enough for me. Right, well, it looks like we have to leave so if you'd all be so good as to leave in single file and kick as many things as you see fit on the way out."_

_The Remii traipsed out into the street - the real Remus blushing furiously - and congregated outside Flourish and Blotts._

"_Thanks," Lupin mumbled._

_A man he had never once before come into contact with in his life, strolled over and shook his hand earnestly._

"_Ted Tonks," he said, smiling. "I'm Andromeda's husband. I've heard a lot about you. It's nice to finally put twenty-four faces to the name."_

_Lupin laughed. "I've heard a lot about you too. A pleasure to finally meet you." He came to the conclusion that he could very well like this man. "We just seemed to keep missing each other. How's Nymphadora?"_

_Ted smiled. "Fine. She's acting up about the name again. We can't call her Nymphie anymore. Latest development is-"_

_Sirius rolled his eyes. "When you two love birds are ready, shall we talk about where we'll go now?"_

_Lupin shrugged. "We can go back to the hovel. I reckon I can rustle something up."_

_Sirius raised an eyebrow. "From three boxes of eggs and some broccoli?"_

"_And soft cheese," Lupin added. "We'll have a really big omelette."_

_James snorted. "You never cease to amaze me, you realise that?"_

_Lily grinned. "Squeeze in. I'll take a picture."_

_Andromeda took the camera from her. "Get in it. I'll take it."_

_Lily rushed into place beside Alice and laughed as Sirius cried, "Alright, say Spartacus! One, two, three…"_

"_I AM SPARTACUS!"_

_CLICK!_


	21. In which James proposes

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: My exams are over so I feel free to write this.**

For a moment Harry stared at Grimmauld's inhabitants, sitting beside one another on the sofa and laughing. How could they laugh? There was clearly a very disturbing mental issue that appeared to be the elephant in the room; an elephant that only he could see.

"I am Spartacus?" he repeated, slowly. "What the hell is 'I am Spartacus'?"

Lupin shook his head. "It would take too long to explain. It was a film that Lily had made us watch and it was so appalling that we made it an in-joke." He grinned. "Don't look like that."

Harry forced his eyebrows down. "Sorry. I just-" He stared down at another picture of his parents, arms around one another. His father was smiling like his Christmases had come at once and his mother blushed, laughing occasionally. "She liked really bad Muggle stuff, yeah?"

Lupin frowned. "Well, no. She liked Muggle films, yes. Sirius here regularly sat down to watch some with her. He was pretty eager if they had been banned in the majority of places but - and I'm risking my very life here - he once watched 'Sleeping Beauty' with her when he wanted to know what Disney was." Lupin was almost immediately set upon by a heavily upholstered and extremely ugly cushion that Sirius claimed to know nothing about. He flung it off, coughing as the dust clogged his airwaves. "She told us that Spartacus was iconic and Sirius - who thought iconic meant 'filmed at the Playboy mansion' - was especially keen."

Harry smiled. "So she was setting you up then?"

Sirius shivered. "Oh yeah. I had no idea that Laurence Olivier was going to come on to a pre-pubescent boy. She failed to mention that when she made me popcorn."

Lupin frowned. "Pre-pubescent? That was Tony Curtis, idiot!"

"Remus, his name is irrelevant."

"He was thirty-five!"

Sirius fell silent. He took a deep breath and said, "So, Harry, what have you got there?"

_1978_

"_I don't have anything to say," said Lupin, accepting tea gratefully. "My dad used to say that I couldn't force a woman to love me-"_

_Sirius laughed. "Oh, is this more of your old man's wondrous advice?"_

_Lupin smiled sadly. "Yeah. Well, it'll get a bit repetitive. He's not around to give any more." _

_James clapped a hand on his shoulder so hard that Lupin jumped. "It's good to get away from it all, Moons. You can come here any time, right?"_

_Lupin nodded. "Thanks."_

"_So what did you dad used to say?"_

_Lupin shook his head. "It doesn't matter. It's irrelevant really. It was just something that you made work. He said that I couldn't force her to love me but I could stalk her until she was too scared to say no."_

_James raised his eyebrows. "Sometimes, mate, I wonder what your dad was smoking. Still though, he has a point."_

"_I thought you'd say that, yeah."_

_James sighed. "So what shall I say?"_

_Peter smiled. "Well, - and this is just a hunch - maybe 'will you marry me?'"_

"_But this time," said Lupin. "Don't tell her she reminds you of a jacket potato."_

_Sirius nodded. "Yeah, women don't take that sort of thing very well. Believe me, I know. I had to dodge a butter knife last time."_

_Peter laughed. "You didn't say 'jacket potato' though, did you? No, you said 'ham joint'."_

"_Are you sure you even want to get married?" asked Sirius. "I mean, where will I live? Did you know, in some countries, marriage is what they give to shoplifters. And you might like her now but-"_

"_Sirius, will you shut up!"_

_James' eyes were wide. "No, he's right. I mean, what do I know about marriage? I've never been married before."_

_Lupin smiled grimly. "Sometimes, I find my thoughts drifting happily back to funeral arrangements. James, if you don't get in there and ask her then I will."_

_James' jaw dropped. "You want to marry Lily?"_

_Peter rolled his eyes. "I can't take much more of this, honestly. If you're going to ask her then bloody well ask her."_

_Sirius sighed. "Have you bought the ring?" James nodded. "Less than a month ago?" Another nod. "Take it back then, they'll give you your money b-"He was silenced by a glare from an unimpressed Lupin. "I was joking!"_

"_I'm sure you were," said Lupin dryly. "And you used up your monthly joke allowance with 'Jack the Kipper'. You know what, if you think she's like a jacket potato then tell her. Tell her how you feel about her."_

_James bit his lip. "Do you think it'll work?"_

"_You're not conning her, James. You're proposing."_

"_Same thing really."_

"_Sirius!"_

"_Sorry."_

_The sounds of Lily humming filled the next room and Lupin raised his eyebrows at James who took a deep breath and nodded once._

"_Are you going to go?"_

"_In a minute."_

"_If you're going, go."_

_She was wearing his favourite angora jumper, the same green as her eyes. She ceased her humming, sensing him in the doorway, and turned to smile. "You have got so much junk! I don't know what we're going to do with it when we start using the spare room."_

_He rolled his eyes. "Lils, I told you, don't come between a man and his useless crap. It's like asking me to choose between you and my God. You just can't win." He licked his lips. "Well, actually, you can. That's what I came to talk to you about."_

_Lily frowned. "God?"_

_James clicked his tongue. "No. I know you kept telling me it was too soon but I would actually like forever to start at around about…er…now. I think we both know that I'm not what you might call a patient man." He glanced back to the kitchen and wished he was still there with his friends. "Look, I love you. You're like breeze in August. You're like a jacket potato in November when I'm cold and wet. You're like an insurance claim to a desperate man. You're like after-sun when I've been roasted alive. You're-"_

_She quirked an eyebrow and immediately James fell into silence. "What's this leading up to? Are you trying to sell me something?"_

_He frowned. "Not that I'm aware of."_

"_Are you trying to talk me into having children with you?"_

"_Most definitely not."_

"_Is this another proposal?"_

"_Well, yes."_

_She smiled softly. "It's the best one yet, I'll give you that."_

_James sighed. Whatever he was about to say was snatched away by a kiss that seemed to last forever - which was probably the result of not breathing beforehand. Certainly, he was giddy but he was also fairly sure that he was turning blue._

_He gasped for breath. "So, was that a 'yes' kiss or a 'sorry, I'll pack now' kiss?"_

_Lily grinned at him. "I don't know myself yet. I haven't seen the ring."_

"_Shit. Sorry. It's upstairs."_

_She pressed her lips together to stop the smile spreading too widely. "I'll have it later. Don't worry."_

"_No, that's why accio was invented."_

_CLICK!_

"_Give me my camera back!"_

_Lily's mouth dropped open and she extracted herself from her fiancé's arms. "How long were you there?"_

_Sirius smirked. "Put it this way, we knew before you did."_

"_An insurance claim to a desperate man?" Lupin repeated. "James, you need serious help of the professional variety."_

"_But she said yes, Remus! She said yes!"_

_Lupin nodded. "I know. Didn't you hear Peter's squeals?"_

"_Thanks, mate!"_

"_No problem, Peter. Better I tell people than Sirius or he'll turn it into an anecdote and you'll never live it down."_


	22. In which Lupin succumbs

**Disclaimer: See Prologue  
A/N: Yet more angst. I just found a worrying photograph... Oh and this links back to chapter 6 which should make Sirius' reaction more understandable when he drags Lupin off before setting him up with a woman older than his mother. Desperate times call for desperate measures...**

Harry grinned goofily.

Sirius shook his head sadly. "He was a goner, right from day one. I don't know why I expected anything less. It wasn't too bad anyway. He made me best man on the basis that I throw a better party - although I'm not entirely sure he wasn't trying to bribe me off."

Lupin laughed. "Probably. I certainly wouldn't want you organising my stag night."

"You won't have much choice, mate," said Sirius. "I'll be the only one around when you and Minne finally shack up."

Lupin's laughter died on his lips and his mood did not improve at the sight of the next photograph.

"Is that-?"

He nodded curtly.

"What was she doing in your flat?" asked Harry.

"Good question, Harry. Ask your godfather. It was his latest's fault."

Sirius held his hands up. "It had nothing to do with me. If I'd invited her round, it would be to re-enact the shower scene from _Psycho_. Her and Electra were big pals, remember?"

_1979_

_It was a good day. He could feel it in his bones. The sun was shining, the tea was brewing and the sweet smell of success after last night's chess match still lingered in the air. Remus Lupin contemplated spending the morning in bed but one glance at the clock told him that he already had. It was two o'clock! He flung off the covers and, still in a ridiculously chipper mood, began to hum - which quickly became outright screaming punk. _

_He flung open his bedroom door and found Electra sitting on his mother's donated sofa, flicking through a magazine. She pressed her lips tight together but he could see the smile in her eyes. He could only thank God that Sirius hadn't been present._

"_Ah, shall we try that again?"_

_He closed the door behind him and took a deep breath. So she'd heard him singing 'Rip her to shreds' She probably did it all the time. He groaned. Oh well, he couldn't stay in here forever._

_Or could he? He could wait until Sirius and Electra disappeared on another shagathon and make tea. Better yet, he could take the kettle into his room. It was his kettle after all. And he could wait until they were completely shagged out before making dinner. Yes, this was all fitting together nicely._

"_Remus, are you alright in there?"_

_No, he was being ridiculous. "I'm dandy," came the strangled reply._

"_Are you sure?"_

"_Yeah, I'll be out now."_

_The knock at the door told him that Sirius had forgotten his keys yet again and he slid down the door. Any moment now he would be humming Blondie from the other side of the door and making remarks about how uncannily Electra had said he sounded like Debbie Harry._

_It had been at least ten minutes and nothing; not a peep. Lupin got to his feet, bolder now. Maybe this was a dream. Maybe it was Groundhog Day and he was just about to relieve walking into the living room for the first time. _

"_I'm not sure about lilac. It doesn't really match my hair," said Electra. "How about blue?"_

"_No! You look gorgeous in blue and I can't have you upstaging me."_

_There was no mistaking that voice; velvety and heavily accented, a little slice of Belfast itself. No, this wasn't Groundhog day, this was still a dream. Lupin opened the door expecting to find pigs flying past the window._

_No such luck. Instead, he was faced with the sight of his former lover reading a bridal magazine on his sofa with her best friend who had just caught him singing. Life was truly fan-bloody-tastic._

_He wanted to gain the moral high ground. After their last meeting, after her parting shot, he wanted to hit her but he was far too chivalrous. He took a deep breath and managed 'Good afternoon, Anna', but it came it out as, "What the fuck are you doing in my house?" which rather destroyed the cool, calm façade he had been crafting. _

"_Lilac's good, actually. I can work with lilac," said Electra, hurriedly. "I thought you'd gone back to bed," she told Lupin. _

"_Electra. this is my home, alright? It's not yours. It's mine. You don't live here."_

_Anna got to her feet. "Actually, I came to speak to you. Electra just happened to be here and she told me you were in bed so I said I'd wait. I didn't plan to show up and talk bridesmaids dresses in your living room you know."_

_Electra stood and barely managed a smile. "I'll just…I'm sorry, Remus."_

_She left, for which Lupin could barely bring himself to forgive her. The awkward silence was awe inspiring. They had never lasted this long before._

"_I'm sorry about what I said."_

_Lupin shrugged. "Forget it. You're not. If that's all you came to say, then…"_

_She shook her head. "I'm getting married in December."_

"_What do you want me to say? Shall I grovel on my knees and beg you not to look down on me because I'm a werewolf? Shall I ask you if you can bring yourself to put up with my very existence? Shall I entreat you to allow me to prove I can be responsible and a decent man despite my disease? Is that to your satisfaction?" He couldn't believe he was finally saying this. Their last meeting, last November, had not gone entirely to plan and he had left it emotionally drained and possibly scarred for life but he had never imagined this outburst._

_Her eyes glistened. "Will you listen? I just wanted to tell you that I won't bother you anymore. I won't be here. I'll just-"_

"_Marry a Death Eater and fuck off out of my life? Thanks." He wanted to take a step back and congratulate himself for his sudden spinal growth. _

"_And before I do that, I want to apologise for what was said." The tears fell and she hurriedly flung them off her cheeks with what could be described as sheer spite._

_His will crumbled. Great, he'd made her cry. "Anna, please stop."_

"_I'm fine."_

"_It's blatantly obvious that you're not." He took a deep breath. "Six months ago, you were willing to leave him. What's changed?"_

_She shrugged. "No-one else wants me. I might as well take what I can get."_

"_You know that's bullshit." The words had been blurted out before he could stop them. _

_She laughed bitterly. "You're with Gemini."_

_He raised an eyebrow. "We ended it a long time ago. I thought I had other responsibilities."_

"_Oh."_

"_Yeah. Oh." He smiled grimly. "Luckily, I didn't. I'm unfit because I'm a half-breed."_

_She whimpered. "I didn't mean it, Remus. You know I didn't mean it."_

"_It sounded like you were pretty damn serious about it if you ask me." His tone did not echo the harshness of his words and seeing her red in the face and weeping openly, her curls sticking to her face, he wrapped her up in his arms and paid no attention to the mascara stain rapidly breeding amongst the stitching of his favourite jumper. _

_CLICK!_

"_Evidence. Call me uncouth, please do, but er…what in the name of Merlin's stretch marks is going on here?"_

_Anna slowly turned to find Sirius glaring at her, camera still in hand._

_Lupin snatched the Polaroid. "Anna was just having…"_

"_The time of her life?"_

"_A breakdown."_

"_I wasn't having a breakdown!"_

_Sirius almost snarled, "I know what you did to him. You might have wormed your way back into his good books but he's got Doormat written all over him. Don't think that-"_

"_Electra let me in."_

_Sirius fell silent and returned the camera to its place on the shelf. "Right, I'm sorry, did I miss something? Have I spent the last year asleep?"_

_Lupin licked his lips and stared at the floor._

"_Evidently yes," said Sirius. "You need help, Remus; serious help. I'll see you later."_

_The door slammed behind him and echoed around the silent flat. Lupin sucked in a breath. "He's right. I need help and you're not helping me, Anna. You need to get out of my life. You live your life and I'll live mine. I can't cope when I'm with you. I need you to understand. I need-"_

_She pressed her finger to his lips. "Shh, I know."_

_When he woke up, she was gone. _

_Oh well, one for the road wouldn't hurt…nor would one for the potholes in the road. Despite his warnings, he knew it wouldn't be the last time. He forgave too easily._


	23. In which Sirius' breath catches

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: No, thank heaven, this is not a photograph I have taken. Oh, and I feel really bad about all the Anna hatred (although once everyone reads what she said to him in November, they'll hate her even more) so if you haven't read it, please check out 'Sugar and Spice' because she's really not all bad. In fact, there's a tiny part of her that is completely selfless.**

Harry stared intently into the photograph as though willing to be dragged into it. Outside the same little church his parents had been married in, stood Sirius. There was nothing particularly remarkable about him other than his wearing a suit with black Converse boots and a wicked grin. He carried it off effortlessly whereas James beside him looked entirely out of place.

One thing that was odd, thought Harry, was the joint expression on both his parents' faces, slightly strained smiles.

Lupin laughed. "I really don't know what possessed you," he said to Sirius who grinned and replied, "Well, it certainly wasn't Satan."

This sent them both into peels of laughter and Harry merely watched, utterly confused.

_1980_

"_Where are your shoes?"_

_Sirius raised his eyebrows. "On my feet. Why? Where do you want them?"_

_Lily clicked her tongue, exasperated. "Well, you're not going to the church in those."_

_This was a challenge. Sirius winked. "Watch me."_

_And sadly, she did. Lily tried her best not to wonder what everyone thought of their choice of moral guardian, She hissed, "Peter and I told you, warned you even, we said it was ridiculous. We said it should be Remus."_

_Out of the corner of his mouth, James replied, "We asked Remus and he turned it down. Harry can manage with one godfather. Loads of children do."_

_Lily rolled her eyes. "Loads of children don't manage with Sirius, James."_

"_Sirius is my best friend."_

_Sirius nudged him. "Hear, hear."_

_Lily almost blushed. "Well, it's true. You're the only person I have ever come across who wears a suit with trainers to a church," she hissed. "Honestly. You think you'd make a little more effort for Harry's christening."_

_Sirius coughed, "Excuse me , more effort? Do you know how long this hairstyle took?"_

_Peter nodded beside him. "I was up half the night practising it with him. Don't insult it or I'll be forced to hex you."_

_Lily huffed and turned into the church, taking her son with her. James met Sirius' eyes and bit back a smile. "Come on," he said. "We'd better get in."_

* * *

_In a church full of friends, family, friends of friends, it was impossible not to be nervous and Lily immediately had doubts about her use of a Christening gown. It looked awfully feminine. She heard the loud cries of a child in the back row and knew that despite herself, her sister had not stayed away. She smiled, "With God's help, I will."_

_The minister turned to Sirius. "Do you believe in God?"_

_Sirius thought about this for a moment. "No. I mean, I'd like to but it's all a bit vague really isn't it? I'm more of a Big Bang man myself."_

_Even James was glaring at him now. Lupin leant over and muttered, "Pad, you're the godfather."_

_Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Oh, God, you say? God, yes. 'Course I believe in God. Good man. Certainly knows the Kingsmill from the Hovis."_

_The minister frowned. "Er…yes….I suppose he does. And er…do you renounce Satan?"_

_Sirius glanced behind him. "Why? Is he here?"_

"_Oh no, this is just between you and I, sir."_

_Sirius nodded. "Then consider him renounced."_

"_Godparents fill a special role in the life of a child. In accepting the role of this child's godfather, you promise to participate in the life of this child, doing everything in your power in the strength of God to assist the parents in the spiritual nurture of this child." As the speech went on, Lily shook her head more and more violently. Sirius saw her catch Lupin's eye and smiled to himself. "Do you, as the godfather to this child, promise to share responsibility with James and with Lily, for this precious child, to pray for him and walk with him in the way of Christ, to help him take his place within the life and worship of Christ's church? If so, answer 'With God's help, I will'."_

_He looked down at the small child in the minister's arms. He wasn't what one might call a beautiful child. Indeed, he had turned a violent shade of scarlet after screaming for a whole ten minutes. Now, he was strangely quiet and vulnerable. Harry returned his gaze with bright green eyes and he hated to admit it, but the breath caught in Sirius' throat._

"_With God's help, I will."_

_He looked up, drawn by Lupin's soul-piercing gaze. His black eyes were twinkling and the smile was evident in them despite the repression of it on his lips._

_It was only once they were outside and Lily and James were preoccupied with thanking guests and saying their goodbyes that he felt Lupin's eyes on him once more and turned round._

"_What's that look for?"_

_Lupin grinned. "You're getting broody, aren't you?"_

"_What? No!"_

"_You never could lie to me. You want a baby, don't you?"_

_Sirius frowned. "Are you forgetting who you're talking to? Sirius Black does not get broody. Hens get broody."_

_Lupin nodded but he was still smiling smugly._

"_Shut the fuck up!" snapped Sirius._

_Lupin's eyebrows rose. "I didn't say anything."_

"_No, not out loud."_

"_Do you want a photograph?" James asked Lupin, smiling back at him and putting an end to the argument. "Sirius, do you want to hold him?"_

_Somewhat reluctantly in front of Lupin, Sirius held his arms out and accepted the little white, ribbon adorned bundle._

_CLICK!_

"_Had to. Sorry."_


	24. In which James comforts

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: It took a lot to be able to write this one.**

They were legal adults but they still looked like boys in their overly large black suits. Lupin who usually dressed like a tramp among tramps for, Harry assumed, the hell of it, looked particularly out of place. He stared off into space, looking toward the sea and biting his lip, holding back tears.

"When was that taken?"

Lupin took a deep breath and made to speak but Sirius silenced him with a mere finger. "July the eighteenth, 'seventy-eight. It was Remus' father's funeral."

_1978_

_CLICK!_

_Sirius had a lot of respect for John's widow. She managed to keep her head when all around her had lost theirs. Of course, Remus had a perfectly legitimate reason to fall apart. He and John were more like brothers than father and son, but Sirius really couldn't understand how people he had never before seen (and he had spent an awful lot of time at Sleepy Cottage) had any right to weep and leave Emma to plaster on a faint smile and struggle on. _

_"There. You all look so grown up. Well, you are grown up. You know what I mean." She was a remarkable actress, she had once made a living from the ability, but she couldn't bluff the grief out. She reached for her son and straightened his tie. Sirius caught sight of her shaking hands and had the decency to engage James and Peter in conversation about rising sea levels as what was left of the Lupin family clung together as though letting go would mean losing one another._

_Eventually, Emma pulled away and flicked imaginary dust from her son's shoulder. "You look ever so handsome." She stepped back. "Just like him." She was secretly relieved that this statement was not completely true. She didn't think she would be able to stand if her late husband's eyes twinkled at her._

_Lupin smiled weakly. "We'd better go."_

_James watched him turn away and walk along the cliff path to the church and muttered, "He's going to go to pieces."_

_Sirius nodded. "Let's hope we can get him out before he does, eh?"_

_And so they waited with baited breath throughout the service, surreptitiously glancing in Lupin's direction as he sat, stony faced beside them. Eventually, he stood and walked towards the lectern. He licked his lips and immediately James froze. This was it. This was the breakdown, in front of all these people. In a Church for Heaven's sake._

_Lupin glanced into the casket. The silence was deafening. Nobody even coughed. "It's been said that a man's greatest fear is public speaking," said Lupin. "This is followed by death." He took a deep breath and attempted a smile in his friends' direction. James shook his head slowly. Please God, Lupin wasn't opening with a gag. "So at funerals, a man would rather be in the casket than reading the eulogy." He laughed weakly, alone. "Well, I can second that one. I'd certainly rather be dead." _

_He leant on the lectern. "When I was eleven, I was sent to Boarding school. My father wanted desperately for me to be in his House and I wasn't. I was placed in what I think was the best place for me. I told my dad and I was terrified of his response. I waited two days and at the end of the week, the letter came. I never showed it to anyone but it meant to much to me." _

_He pulled a yellowed piece of parchment out of his pocket and read, "Remus, well done. My son the Gryffindor. It could be a lot worse. Congratulations. Your mother could tell you the story better than I ever could but in Greek myth, Icarus flew too close to the sun and his wings burned. People always say that the moral of the story is not to fly too close to the sun. Bullshit!" He paused and looked up from his sheet. "I was eleven." His eyes flickered back down. "Who tells you how high you can fly? Build better wings, kid. Build better wings and if they melt, I'll catch you." _

_His voice cracked and the tears pooled in his eyes. "He used to watch Casablanca every week with my aunt Charlie and when he wasn't doing that, he was throwing things at me because he thought I ought to improve my reflexes. They were his hobbies. He was that sort of man. I really can't put into words how I felt about him; how I still feel. He is my hero. Was; was my hero."_

_He wiped his eyes and peered back into the casket. "Well, here's looking at you, kid." He gasped for breath. "I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore." _

_Emma Lupin got to her feet but James and Sirius were quicker, pulling their friend out of the Church just before the howling started. James shushed him, fearing a repetition of the Anna debacle in the Shack, screaming and scratching until he bled._

"_Remus, please."_

_Lupin was immediately silent, watching James as the wolf might, with a vague curiosity that frightened both James and Sirius. It was almost as though they spoke to a vegetable._

"_My father is about to rot in a churchyard and Voldemort is allowed to keep on killing. John Lennon stood in the street and was shot while Yoko Ono stood beside him in the bloom of health. Albus Dumbledore had the power to end a war and won't do it. You explain that to me." He leapt to his feet and screamed. "Explain it!"_

_James was struck dumb. Luckily, Lupin had enough to say for both of them. _

"_And do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to find that bastard Travers and I'm going to take his wand off him, tie him to a chair and light my cigarette. I'm going to get the name of the curse he put on my father and then I'm going to put it out in his eyes."_

_James took a deep breath. "Well, it's a decent enough plan, Remus. It's clear that you've really thought this through and of course, I'll stand by you, but that doesn't really solve any problems, does it?"_

_Lupin laughed bitterly. "If it gets another Death Eater out the way, it sounds good to me."_

_James sighed. "It also gets you out of the way, Remus. Being what you are, the Ministry will immediately shove you in Azkaban and let the Dementors have you."_

_Lupin shrugged. "That sounds pretty good to me too."_

_James' eyes blazed. "Sirius, can you give us a minute?" He turned back to Lupin. "Remus, I have never met anyone more deserving of happiness than you or your family but the world doesn't work like that. I don't know if you've actually really looked at your mother today but if she found you after they'd done that to you, she would die, Remus. I mean it. She would actually die."_

_As though slapped across the face and waking from a trance, Lupin met James' eyes and shook his head slightly. "I need to see her. She's worse. She's-"_

_James held out a hand. "Sirius is with her in there." All four boys had been aware of Emma Lupin taking on Sirius after hearing about his treatment at Grimmauld. None of them had failed to notice his extremely large portions nor the praise heaped on him for the most trivial achievements. She had attempted to make up for any lost love and as a result, Sirius was crazy about her._

_Lupin sank down onto the grass with the easy grace he had inherited from his mother. "I just feel like I've been cheated out of everything. I'm not cursed, James. I _am_ the curse."_

_James sat beside him. "Don't be ridiculous." He sat in silence with him for a moment before the thought occurred to him. "Do you want to go back in, Moon?"_

_Lupin shook his head. "I'm not going to the wake either." He saw James open his mouth to protest and pressed a finger to his friend's lips. "I'll have one myself."_

_James nodded. "We'll have one for him together."_

_Lupin nodded and managed a faint smile. "Thank you."_


	25. In which Peter disturbs

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: These lines were improvised and I will say that it was a lot of fun to do too.**

Harry stared down at the photograph of Peter and his father sitting opposite woman who was blatantly not his mother. For one, she had a bottle blonde perm and perhaps most obviously, she was twice his age and wearing a red silk blouse and leather trousers that wouldn't have looked out of place in the sort of magazine he would never admit to even glancing at through a shop window.

"Who's that?"

His father laughed and the blonde collapsed back in her chair.

Lupin took a deep breath. "That's Nancy."

_1979_

_December 3__rd_

_Nancy Clarke, despite her age, possessed what one might suggest was a tremendous body. Only four months spent in the company of a man twenty years her junior had produced remarkable changes. Most prominently, she no longer looked like Margaret Thatcher. She had also lost thirty-five pounds and permed her hair, dying it a peroxide blonde to offset her sea green eyes magnificently._

_Most importantly, at this moment in time, she was wearing expensive underwear that made her feel like she was sex on legs. And with blonde hair, aqua eyes and black lace underwear - she was. In fact, if one had questioned Remus Lupin - assuming that he still retained the capability to speak - he would say that he had died and gone to heaven._

_And as pleasantly surprising as finding one's girlfriend scantily clad and waiting in one's bed was, he was also terrified because this woman had never before seen him naked. Never before had she laid eyes on his scarred body and she had thrown him in the deep end when he did not have a well rehearsed lie to hand._

_When faced with such terror, he acted as though he was the hero of a Jane Austen novel. "Good evening."_

_Nancy smiled, her eyes glinting. "I certainly hope it will be."_

_Lupin cleared his throat. "Um…yes. Listen, I'll just um…I will go and ask Sirius to go out for a while. Why don't you…um…make yourself comfortable?"_

_He closed the door behind him and finally exhaled. Without knocking, he pushed open Sirius' door and grabbed him by the shoulders, hissing, "What the fuck am I going to do?"_

_Sirius' eyes were wide. "What? What's happened? Are you alright?" One glance at Lupin's black eyes, wide with terror told him that this was a very stupid question indeed. "Okay. Remus, what's gone on?"_

_Lupin's hands shook. "There is a woman in my bed wearing very sexy underwear and wanting to have sex with me. What the hell do I say?"_

_Sirius blinked twice. "A quick 'thank you, God' seems appropriate."_

_Lupin hissed and threw off his phoenix jumper. The worn and purple scars wove intricately around his torso. "I'm talking about these."_

_Sirius took a long drag of his cigarette. "Well, Remus, there's only one thing you can say. You were mauled by a bear while hunting on the Appalachian Trail."_

_Lupin rolled his eyes. "I'm serious."_

"_So am I, Moony. So am I." Sirius shrugged. "It's all I've got. I'd believe it."_

* * *

"_What the hell happened to you?"_

_Lupin hurriedly cast off his jeans and practically leapt into bed. "I didn't give them to myself."_

_Lie number one._

_Nancy frowned. "I wasn't suggesting you were some disaffected youth. What happened?"_

_Lupin sucked in a breath. "I have this obsession with animals that are out to kill me," He couldn't believe he was saying this. "I was out with some friends - people I knew before Sirius and those - and um…I was attacked by a bear, basically."_

_Lie number two._

_Nancy's jaw dropped open. "Let me see properly."_

"_You can barely make them out, Nance. There's no point."_

_Lie number three._

"_In fact, why don't we just go to sleep?" He leant over and switched the light off. "Goodnight."_

_Immediately, Nancy flicked the switch. "Sit up." Lupin did so. "Uncross your arms." She gave his chest the once over and pursed her lips. "Is that it? You thought I wouldn't fancy you because you've got a few bloody scars? Remus, I'm actually quite concerned because I think I'm falling in love with you, so get used to it, stop talking bollocks and get down to business because you owe me and frankly, these knickers are designer and I won't have them going to waste."_

_Remus Lupin was quite concerned himself. After that little speech, he just might be falling for her too. "Yes, Ma'am."_

* * *

_December 4__th_

"_How big?" asked James._

_Nancy hiccoughed. "Big," she assured him. "My ex-husband's was like this." She made a gesture, creating a space between her fingers that was approximately five centimetres long. James frowned and handed her another glass of Firewhiskey._

"_So that puts Moony at about three inches then. What was it like?"_

_Peter smirked. "Was he any good?"_

_Nancy downed the glass. "Any good? It was fantastic." She hiccoughed again. "And he's not three inches."_

"_Two and a half then," said James, grinning, "Miss Pedantic 1978."_

_Peter nodded. "What does he say?" The smile he shared with James was almost sinister and Nancy would never have divulged this sort of information had they not given her obscene amounts of alcohol._

_Nancy thought hard. "He didn't say anything. He just moaned a lot."_

_James laughed. "Yeah, sounds like Moony, alright. He's the biggest whiner we know." He frowned slightly. "Have you got a name for him in bed?"_

_Nancy shook her head. "Why? Do you think I should have one?"_

_Peter nodded, "I'll help. I'm good at nicknames."_

_James frowned. "Pete, I really don't think you should be giving your best mate a sex nickname, I really don't."_

_Peter scoffed. "From the man who wants to know what he says at orgasm so he can shout it during Order meetings." Peter thought for a moment. "I don't think I have one for him."_

"_Well," said James, "what do you call your boyfriends?"_

"_By their names," answered Peter. "Despite what everyone seems to think about gay men, we don't all dress up as The Village People and call each other 'big boy'." He raised his eyebrows. "What do you call Lily?"_

_James shrugged. "Lily. Why? What do you call her?"_

_Peter rolled his eyes. "Give us some juicy details," he said to Nancy. "Come on. It'll help."_

"_Yes," said James, "get you off."_

_Peter elbowed him. "Shut it, Potter." He turned back to Nancy. "Does he have any odd quirks?"_

_Nancy laughed. "Well, he has this thing for stockings. He made me keep them on all night."_

_Peter and James raised their eyebrows. "Wow," murmured Peter. "I really didn't think Moony was the type to have a fetish."_

_James shrugged. "At least it's not for feet."_

_CLICK!_

_Lupin kissed Nancy's cheek. "You okay?" He tried to make eye contact and found her eyes bloodshot. He sighed irritably and turned to James. "What have you given her?"_

_James gawped. "Me?"_

"_Peter and I were just trying to give you a sexy nickname," Nancy told him. _

_Lupin frowned and Peter developed a sudden interest in the state of the ceiling. Either that or he was praying to be spared Lupin's wrath. "Yes, well, I should be getting back. Big Boy's just bought an Indian headdress and I don't want to miss it."_

_Only James laughed._


	26. In which Sirius alarms

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: I am having so much fun with these. Oh and by the way, virtual cookies and a chapter request for anyone who can tell me the irony in Snoep's name. **

Harry frowned. "That is…really rather worrying."

Sirius scoffed. "Every bloke does it."

"_I_ don't!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh, you always say that. I don't bully people. I don't find it funny. I don't interrogate my friends on their sexual prowess."

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "I hope you don't take offence when I tell you that you are quite possibly the worst godfather in existence." He handed Harry another photograph, this time of Sirius and an extraordinarily ugly girl wearing far too much make-up and far too little clothing. They ate candyfloss together and sat on the teacups. She appeared to be sensationally bored. "Amsterdam," said Lupin, smiling fondly.

_1979_

"_Relax, Cupcake. We're not going to have sex with her. Pete, go and ask her over."_

_Peter, looking as though all his Christmasses had come at once, did as he was told, winking at Sirius who smiled and turned to Lupin. _

"_Well what the hell are we going to do with her then?"_

"_All in good time, mon frère; all in good time."_

_The girl strolled over on Peter's arm. She chewed constantly and seemed to be in a state of perpetual motion. She rocked back and forth, switched her weight from right to left leg and nodded in a manner reminiscent of Remus in a Gedoogbeleid. James stared in wonder, mentally listing the diseases he could catch from this girl, up to and including Spattergroit._

"_Um…wat is uw naam?"_

_Lupin frowned. "Peter, that's just an English question in a Dutch accent. It's not really very helpful."_

"_Carlein," she replied, "marr je kunt me altijd mij Snoep."_

_Sirius gasped. "What did she just call me?"_

_Lupin sighed and folded his arms. The inner teacher had emerged. "She says you can call her Snoep."_

"_Snape?" James repeated, earning himself a withering glance. "She's Snape?"_

"_Shut up," said Lupin. He headed towards her and took hold of her. "Het spijt me."_

_Carlein - or Snoep - sighed irritably. "You are Dutch appalling. I speak English. You please speak it to me. You kill my language."_

_Sirius laughed so hard that he almost cried. "Yeah, Moony. Murderer!"_

_Lupin blushed. "From the man who was bottled for asking a man to sleep with him."_

_Sirius scoffed. "Moony, stop living in the past." He took Snoep's arm and pulled her over. "Well, my dear, we don't want to use you for sex."_

_At this, she reverted to her own language and spurted a lot of Dutch awfully quickly and Lupin listened intently, trying to pick something up. "U betaalt mij. Ik zal worden betaald."_

_Lupin took hold of her and calmed her. "Miss, obviously we'll still pay you for your time. You have no need to worry about that."_

_Sirius nodded. "We were rather hoping you could teach Peter about it," he said, pushing Peter forward. "He's a bisexual."_

_Snoep frowned. "You sleep with men?"_

_Peter cleared his throat. "On occasion. I actually have a girlfriend at the moment and I really don't think she'd be happy about this so I'm going to opt out of sex education."_

"_This," said Sirius, "is James' last Wednesday as a free man. We're on his stag party."_

_Snoep finally smiled, nodding. "I know stags. I see. Wednesday is strange day for it." She smiled at them, her dark eyes twinkling. "What do you want me to do?"_

_It was only when she asked that they realised that they didn't particularly want her to do anything._

"_Can I take photos?" asked Lupin rather nervously. " I suppose it makes you feel rather redundant."_

_Snoep nodded. "I go back to my corner." She smiled at them and waved, turning her back and heading towards the street corner opposite the green where she had glimpsed Sirius' practical joke. She avoided their eyes and looked up and down the street, waiting for her next opportunity. _

"_It's a horrible life," said Lupin, shuddering. "I mean, can you imagine? We could have been serial killers. We could have gang raped that girl, taken her money and slit her throat and I'll bet that no-one would look into it. I bet no-one would even notice she was gone."_

_Sirius stared at him, horrified. "Moony, that had better not be a bloody suggestion."_

_Lupin rolled his eyes. "You know damn well what I mean by it." He tried not to stare at her as his hands shook. "I wouldn't do it if it was the last choice between that and death."_

_James finally laughed. "No. No bugger would pay for it with you, that's why." He was still somewhat disconcerted, especially at the sight of a large group of very drunk men carrying a doll approaching the poor, smiling young girl. "Ask her over again. Tell her we'll pay her to just stay with us. I feel awful."_

_It was left to Sirius who - with a scar on his cheek and aristocratic features - looked as though he could handle himself, to disperse the crowd and pull her away. When he returned, Snoep did not appear too pleased to see them again._

"_You don't want me. Why are you pull me back?"_

_Lupin smiled. "Well, Miss, we wondered if you wanted to um…be part of a stag night."_

_James grinned at her. "And not just any stag night; not the typical one."_

_Now she was intrigued. "What do you want me to do?"_

"_Well," said Sirius, "I was wondering if you'd come to the fair with me. I'll buy you some candyfloss and we'll go on the big wheel thingy."_

_Snoep shook her head. "Heights make my head go…um…how do you say it? Spin. My head to start spinning."_

_Sirius laughed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "At least let me win you a toy and take you on the teacups."_

_And though Carlein was dubious, she was an exceptionally good sport. Her heavily lacquered hair was the only thing still in place as she and Peter hobbled off the ghost train, shaken and covered in cobwebs. After which, James thought it appropriate to buy her an ice cream to calm her nerves and take her on a ride whose name translated as 'Freak Out' which incidentally, was precisely what they both did as they were strapped in, much to Sirius' amusement._

_By the time Lupin was through with her, his experience of fairgrounds while growing up and spending his summers at Devon fair week adding tremendously to his appeal, she was a skilled con-artist, knowing exactly how to cheat at hooping a prize and how to aim a rifle that had been tampered with so that it still shot true. Though as soon as the lesson was over, it was time for him to drag her onto his personal favourite, the token rollercoaster which looked as though it had been erected in the twenties and left to rot. _

_She tumbled off, tottering on her heels and feeling really very sick indeed while Lupin bounced behind her, grinning and pushing his hair back into place. _

"_Wasn't that incredible?"_

_She nodded. "Incredibly bad."_

_Sirius laughed. "Come on. Come and have some candy floss. There's nothing like sugar to calm you down, just ask Remus."_

_At first, she was grateful for the slow motion and shared her bright blue sugar with Sirius, but the teacups was a long ride and she had become accustomed to thrill and found she rather liked it._

_CLICK!_

_Sirius rolled his eyes and soon led her off. "Right, where are we off to now then?"_

_James grinned. "Well, seeing as it's my stag night. Do you think maybe we could get a drink somewhere?"_

_Lupin groaned. "I know where this is going."_

"_Good idea, Prongs," said Sirius, grinning. "Come on, love. I'll buy you a drink."_


	27. In which Peter is furious

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: For everyone wondering what Emma looks like, look up the young woman in the Dolmio adverts. Her hair is even the same style. It frightened me when I was watching ITV earlier.**

It was an awkward photograph. Peter's smile didn't reach his eyes. He looked decidedly flustered. His work as a double agent must have been severely affecting him, thought Harry bitterly. If he had known just how close to the truth he was, he would have been horrified.

Lupin sighed deeply. "This is why I sometimes find it hard to hate Peter," he explained. "There was something about him here, something more than a man who betrayed his friends because here he was quite the contrary."

"How would you know?" Harry snapped. "You're out of it here."

Lupin raised his eyebrows and spoke in a tone that frightened Harry. He was icily polite and immediately Harry felt the need to apologise. "Peter made the same mistake. I was _not_ 'out of it', I was half-awake. I'm sure had Peter actually realised this then he would not have had an extremely incriminating conversation in my presence. He was certainly clever enough to pull it off for years. Had I any reason to suspect Peter, this conversation would have made sense but I did not. In fact, I so truly believed that the spy was Sirius that I didn't dream of worrying about Peter. I understand you're angry, Harry. So am I."

"Not with you," Harry mumbled.

Lupin softened. "And the conversation may not have gone exactly like this. I don't remember all the details. As you said, I was 'out of it'. I was drifting in and out of consciousness when I remember Sirius taking that picture. I'm not putting words in Peter's mouth but I may not get them exactly right. Though," he added quickly. "I did ask him about it after Anna died."

Harry nodded. "When you wanted a word with him?"

Lupin nodded. "We discussed the details of this conversation. He fed me lies and I swallowed them whole."

_1980_

"_You promised me!" snapped Peter. "You promised you'd keep him safe. No matter the cost, you said." Lupin groaned softly and shifted. Peter swung round and stared at him. Satisfied, he turned back to Lupin's first visitor. "So what went wrong? Why is he here?"_

_Anna Mulciber sat down and had the sheer nerve to even light a cigarette in the hospital room. "Mr. Pettigrew, some credit please. You yourself know of what the Dark Lord is capable."_

_Peter shook his head. "But you can lie and you're the only one who can."_

_Anna raised her eyebrow. "Severus is also a highly skilled Legilimans. Peter, may I remind you that while both myself and Severus find lying absurdly easy, it's a little bit harder to cast a protective charm around a man in the middle of a battle and pass it off as a mistake anyone could make. If you would like to face Bellatrix, then please, be my guest."_

_Peter snarled. "So you just let Dolohov hit him then?"_

_She reclined further in the seat. "What would you have done then?"_

_Peter smirked. "For _Remus?_ For _Remus_ I'd face Bellatrix."_

_She scoffed. "And for James?"_

_No answer. Peter turned away and muttered, "If I were you, I'd stop talking about things I had no hope of ever understanding."_

"_What makes a Remus then? What makes a Remus different from a James?"_

_He could hear the amusement in her voice. "Mrs. Mulciber, you yourself know better than I. After all, you're the one who claims to have loved him."_

"_I still do." The smile was gone. "And at least I'm trying to help him. At least I know where my loyalties lie."_

_Peter spun round. "So do I! My boundaries are perhaps a little more personal but I know who I'm protecting. I'm not constantly choosing between my husband and my ex-boyfriend."_

_Anna glared at him, her chocolate eyes losing all warmth. For the first time, he was afraid. Although Anna would not dream of hurting him - at least, not in a public place - she was more than capable of betraying him to her husband. She was more than capable of destroying Peter Pettigrew herself. _

_And still, Peter did not know when to leave well alone. "I've got a question for you, Mrs. M., if Remus and Charles were slugging it out, who would you stand by?"_

_Anna took a long drag of her cigarette. "I would never allow that to happen."_

_Peter frowned. "Let's say that you have no say in the matter."_

"_Remus."_

_Peter smirked. "Oh really?"_

_Anna nodded. "Because he's far too honest to handle my Charlie. Remus is a firm believer in not kicking a man when he's down as it were. Charles will do it gladly and derive pleasure from it. I'd hate the very ground he walked on if I didn't love him so much. Still, c'est la vie."_

_Peter glanced down at his friend - his only true friend. He shuddered at the sight of the blood bag. The bright red liquid dripped slowly down the tube at regular intervals and in through the needle in Lupin's left hand. Peter winced; Remus hated needles. And in through the right, the needle supplied a constant pain killer. The bruises had not faded and Peter assumed they were caused by the rubble. It must hurt for him to even breathe. He turned to Anna and spat, "This is your fault."_

_For the briefest instance, fury blazed in Anna's eyes, but it died to flickering embers as she answered, "Yes, Peter, I freely admit it. If I hadn't pulled him away, Remus would be in the morgue with Meadows. If you'd rather that, I'm sure I can arrange it."_

_Peter shuddered. _

"_And one more thing, Pettigrew, next time you need a favour, you can bloody well ask someone else. You have no idea what I went through for that. You have no idea the pain he put me through. Few people have come out the other side when Riddle's pissed off with them. You'd do well to remember that."_

_He glanced out of the window. "His mum's here. She's not what I'd call your biggest fan."_

_Anna shrugged. "Yesterday night, I saved her son's life. She owes me."_

"_And Sirius and James," muttered Peter, smiling oddly. "I'd go if I were you. Sirius will slaughter you before you even open your mouth."_

_Anna hissed and Disapparated. _

_Peter listened to the strained gasps for breath and stepped back from the door as a frantic Emma Lupin pushed it open and ran to her son's side, perching herself on the end of the bed without so much as a backward glance toward him. _

"_Remus, my darling, can you hear me?"_

_Lupin groaned and sat up, wincing. "Where is she?"_

_Peter's terrified face gave away more than he would have liked. "What do you mean?"_

_Lupin did not have the chance to argue as Sirius burst through the door, "If he's not dead, I'm going to fucking kill him. I haven't slept all bloody night. And don't get me started on the Healers. Who the hell do they think they are? They think they can stop me seeing him in the night? Fucking bitches. I'll kill them too."_

_James smiled at Mrs. Lupin. "Sorry." _

_Lupin hissed in pain and propped himself up. Finally, he noticed the needles and cried out in alarm. _

"_What happened?" James asked, allowing no sentimentality; not yet._

"_Voldemort," Lupin mumbled. "It was Voldemort. The Death Eaters weren't all there. We had four of them. He killed Dorcus, straight out, and then he went for me and…" He shook his head._

_Emma squeezed his fingers. "And what, sweetheart?"_

"_I think I was pushed."_

"_Pushed?" Sirius cried. "Pushed by who?"_

_Lupin sighed irritably. "I don't know. They were all wearing masks."_

"_By a Death Eater?" James asked, his voice high pitched. "But who would do that?"_

_Sirius frowned. "And more importantly, why?"_

_Emma clicked her tongue. "Does it matter? He's alive. That's all that matters." She turned to look at Peter who looked as though he was about to be sick. "Poor Peter. He's so tired, bless him. Why don't you go home?"_

"_Thanks for sitting there, Pete," Lupin murmured, smiling. He frowned, not sure whether he had invented Peter's words After all, Peter couldn't have had a conversation. He was the only one in the room._

_Peter waved it off. "You'd do it for me."_

_Sirius had perked up almost immediately. "Wormtail, you look like shit."_

_CLICK!_

_Lupin rolled his eyes. "Is that really appropriate?"_

_Sirius grinned. "Of course it is. I took the opportunity to get acquainted with your little baby while you were away, Remus, and I know how to work the flash now and everything."_

_CLICK!_

_Lupin shielded his face with the bedclothes but it was too late. _

_James sighed. "All right, we'll talk some more about this when you're feeling better. See you, Peter."_

_Peter waved and closed the door behind him, presumably choosing to walk home. He looked like he needed the fresh air anyway._

"_What am I going to do with you?" asked James, sitting on the other side of the bed and pushing his friend's fringe out of his eyes. "I'll have to make you wear a collar with a little bell on it so I know where you are."_

_Lupin smiled grimly. "I couldn't save her, James."_

_He nodded. "I doubt any of us could have. No-one survives when Voldemort wants them dead, Remus."_

_Lupin tried to be blasé. "I suppose I'd better watch my back then."_

_Sirius shook his head. "I'll watch your back. You keep a look out ahead, alright? If he's two steps in front of you, there's no point looking behind."_

_Lupin nodded and laid his head on his pillow. Within seconds, he had fallen asleep and Sirius had pronounced him dead. James rolled his eyes. "Ill go and get some tea. Does anyone else want anything?"_

_Emma ignored him, staring down at her son, transfixed by him. Sirius signalled he would take the tea and waited for his friend to leave before he approached the woman who had been more of a mother to him than his own._

"_Mrs. Lupin, I meant it. I love him. He's like a brother to me and as much as I hate Regulus, anyone who wanted to hurt him wouldn't get within a mile of him."_

_Mrs. Lupin threw her arms around him. "Thank you."_

_James kicked the door open, balancing four cups of tea and a large bar of chocolate. "Oh, do excuse me if I'm interrupting something. I'll just stand here like a tea tray, shall I?"_

_Sirius prised himself away reluctantly and took a cup for himself as his chosen mother. "Moony, wake up. James brought you some more of your dishwater tea and some choccie."_

_Lupin thanked him groggily and took a sip of tea. _

"_I think it's the painkiller," said James. "You haven't been letting Costello nurse you, have you?"_

_Lupin summoned the energy to make a rude gesture and ate a square of chocolate. "Can I smoke?"_

"_No!"_

_He rolled his eyes and drank more tea. "I just want to sleep," he mumbled, When he closed his eyes, he could make more sense out of things. He was convinced a woman had been in the room with Peter and he was convinced he had been saved and yet, how were either of those things possible?_


	28. In which James is taught

**Disclaimer:** **See Prologue**

"I still hate him."

Sirius smiled grimly. "Yeah. You're not alone. I mean, it's not that I dislike him, it's that I could quite easily hit a killing curse right between those big, bambi eyes." He raised his eyebrows. "And don't try and act the humanitarian, Remus, because you were up for it several times these past few years."

Lupin cleared his throat. "Several times? You mean twice?" He winked at Sirius. "Three times. I've just seen the next picture." Harry was horrified and he wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "I'm joking, kid." He immediately removed it, perhaps not as comfortable with the gesture as Sirius - who was what one would call a 'touchy-feely' person - or because he had once been Harry's teacher. Whatever the reason, Harry had never felt more comfortable in his presence despite the sudden avoidance.

"Incidentally," said Sirius, "what's the next photograph?"

Lupin held up a picture of himself and Harry's father in -Harry gave a start - one another's arms.

_1979_

_Lupin took his usual seat - the burnt orange armchair - and accepted both the Butterbeer and the sandwich offered. _

"_Peter?"_

_Peter groaned and clutched his stomach. "James, I can't. I've got a date on Friday. Do you honestly think I'm going to eat?"_

_Lupin frowned. "How long have you starved yourself?"_

_Peter rolled his eyes. "Well, two days but on Saturday morning, I am going to eat so damn much."_

_Lupin nodded. "And you'll put on about half a stone because that's the way the body works." He smiled sympathetically. "Really, Pete, have the sandwich. You'll only make yourself ill."_

_Peter shook his head and groaned again._

_Lupin rolled his eyes. "You leave me no choice." He smirked and made his way to the kitchen, leaning on the doorframe. "Peter's changed his mind. You don't mind, do you?"_

_James grinned. "Why would I mind? You're making them." James grinned. "Remus, no-one, and I mean no-one, makes a sandwich like you."_

_Lupin rolled his eyes but he smiled. "All right. What have you got?"_

_Ten minutes later, he handed Peter a plate. "Right, I haven't even put butter on it so there's no fat whatsoever. There is protein though, and I cut the fat off the bacon. I've put that in James'; he needs fattening up a bit. And I've bulked it out with plenty of lettuce and you do eat tomatoes, don't you?" _

_Peter nodded mutely. On the one hand, it would ruin his track record and on the other, it was made by a man known in certain circles as The King of Breaded Goods. _

_Lupin smiled softly. "Just eat it. You'll feel a lot better." He returned to his seat and immediately, he and James tucked in to two sandwiches and a packet of crisps each. They ate like hippogriffs and Peter had not the faintest clue how they managed to retain such twig-like physiques. _

"_So," said James, "I need a bit of help from you."_

_Peter's eyes widened. "What do you mean help?"_

"_Pete, I'm, not about to ask you for sexual favours, stop looking at me like that." James laughed and Peter smiled back. "No, I need you to do something with my hair for the wedding. I can't go like this and there's nothing I can do it - at all."_

_Peter nodded. "All right. We'll practice a few styles and see what looks the least messy."_

_James thanked him and slowly turned to Lupin. "I um…" he trailed off, mumbling._

_Lupin frowned. "What the hell was that?"_

"_I need you to teach me to waltz."_

_Peter grinned. "Oh man, this I've got to see."_

_Lupin laughed. "James, I can't. We'd both be leading and that's just impossible." One look at the desperate expression in James' eyes and Lupin sighed. "Come on then. I'll give it a go." He got up, still sighing and rolling his eyes. "Right, now the crucial thing to remember is that it goes quick, quick, slow. All right, good. Now get into position."_

_James raised his eyebrows. "Remus, I really don't know anything."_

_Lupin pursed his lips. "This is going to be a very long day, isn't it?" He held his arms out. "Come here. Okay, so you need to lead." He placed one hand on James' shoulder and clasped his hand with the other. "Now, you put your hand here on my back." Lupin positioned him. "Okay, this is so fucking awkward." James laughed. "Now, you take one step forward with your right foot. No, your left." James did so and Lupin stepped back. "Good. Very good. Well done."_

_James grinned at Peter triumphantly. "Ha! I've got to see this, indeed."_

_Peter snorted. "It looks ever so funny, Prongs."_

_Lupin glared at him. "Now, take one step forward and to the right with the right foot. Now, this sounds trickier than it is. You should trace a letter L as you do it but upside down." James frowned, mystified. "Here," said Lupin, "let me show you, look."_

_James somehow managed to repeat the move, a lot less gracefully than his teacher had done, but Lupin smiled encouragingly and made the right sort of noises. _

"_Okay, so now you shift the weight onto your right foot. Now, keep the left still. Good. Now, let's imagine we've got to the third beat. Slide the left foot over to your right." James did so. "Superb. Now, step back with your right."_

"_Oh," said James, "this is the same thing in reverse."_

_Lupin nodded. "So back and to the left with the left foot now. That's good, but with the backward L." He frowned and grabbed James as he toppled. "Yes, it is harder backwards. We'll keep working on that one. Do that again for me."_

_James slowly went through the motions, stepping backwards and twisting his foot. _

"_Brilliant," cried Lupin, grinning at James as though he had established World Peace. If there was anyone more cut out to be a teacher, neither James nor Peter could think who. "Now slide your left foot…that's it! Okay, so let's do it again from the beginning now. Left foot forward…and one, two….three. One, two…three. There! You've got it!" he cried, allowing James to twirl him and feeling like a total pansy. _

_CLICK!_

"_Wormtail!"_

_Peter laughed. "Sorry, Moons. I just couldn't resist."_


	29. In which Lupin forgets to zoom in

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

The next photograph, Harry noticed, was altogether more ordinary; three Marauders with baguettes, sitting in a park, drenched to the skin. Although considerably less shabby than he appeared to be these days, in the rain, eating slightly damp crisps, Lupin looked like a tramp.

"How do you do it?" Harry asked Sirius, envious beyond words that his godfather's hair hung in his eyes, dripping slightly but still shining blue-black without the slightest trace of sunlight.

Sirius grinned. "Good genes. They had serious personality problems but it has to be said, my parents were exceptionally good looking and so am I."

Lupin bit back his smile and met Harry's eyes. Harry grinned back at him. However frustrating and ambiguous he was at least eight-five percent of the time, it was impossible not to like Lupin and wish he had grown up knowing him.

"Oh, and er..sorry about the quality," said Lupin. "It was raining really hard so you can barely see anything."

Sirius laughed. "No, Remus, you can barely see anything because you forgot to zoom in."

_1981_

_Sirius sighed irritably. Peter had made his excuses - something about an Miss Marple convention in Norfolk - James was antsy and Remus was late; very late. He was tempted to panic with James, after all, Remus would show up for his own execution twenty minutes early just to be on the safe side, but James was twitchy enough for both of them and kept glancing over his shoulder as though he expected Voldemort to materialise behind him at any second._

"_Will you stop it," Sirius hissed. "You're making me nervous."_

_They were standing in Muggle London, under a canopy of a hotel not even James could afford to spend the night in, waiting to 'do lunch' as Sirius had previously suggested. Though Lupin's language teacher salary, coupled with the need for James to blend in, had rather struck out some of the more appealing options. They had decided to grab a sandwich and sit in Hyde Park. All well and good if the weather had stayed fine. Still, James hardly ever plucked up the necessary nerve to leave his wife and child at home despite Sirius' reliability as his Secret Keeper, and Lupin rarely had a free weekend. He needed to learn German in order to teach it to privately educated children who strongly disapproved of his taste in ties. So they decided to keep their arrangement. And now they were regretting it._

_James glanced behind him once more. "Sorry." Sirius rolled his eyes. "He's all right, isn't he, Padfoot?"_

"_What do you think I am. A seer?" He didn't want to answer this question. He had no idea what had happened to his best friend and he wasn't sure he wanted to know. "He can take care of himself, Prongs. He's a big lad."_

_If James had been feeling more secure, he would have laughed. "Remus is the only man I know who could inadvertently start a fight with Gandhi. He's been in Mungo's more times than half the bloody Healers. They've got a filing system these days that goes A-Z and Remus Lupin at eye level for easier access. Christ, Sirius, if something's happened to him-"_

_But James never finished that sentence as Lupin turned the corner, holding an umbrella and reading _German Verbs - Simple not even when you know how_. Without looking up from his page, he avoided a cyclist and reached into his pocket with the hand that wasn't delicately balancing the book and the umbrella, to pull something out and pop it into his mouth._

_James stared in horrified awe. "Remus, if I have stood here imagining you bleeding in a back alley because you were held up buying sweets, I'll make sure you're bleeding in a back alley very shortly."_

_Lupin grinned at him and closed his book. "No, the sweet buying process took up two minutes of your valuable time, Mr. Potter."_

_James frowned. "So what happened during the other twenty-three?"_

_Lupin smiled to himself, a funny glint in his eyes. "Nothing much."_

_Sirius sighed and rolled his eyes. "I never thought I'd see the day our Remus sold out his friends for an afternoon fumble."_

_Lupin smiled sarcastically. "Padfoot, I am not you." He grinned wickedly. "So what are we doing then?"_

"_Going for lunch," said James. "There's a really nice baguette place round the corner and they do some really obscure fillings. I thought that was right up your alley."_

_Lupin nodded. "Perfect. You wouldn't mind testing me on these, would you?" He indicated the book he still held. "They're impossible. I had to learn German practically overnight." He frowned slightly. "Where's Pete?"_

_Sirius smirked. "Dressing up as an elderly female detective for some perverts in Norfolk as far as I can understand it."_

_Lupin nodded. "An average weekend for Peter then."_

_The more time James spent with them, the more convinced he was that he was in no real danger. After all, he and Sirius were like brothers and he would let Electra date Snape on the side before he allowed any harm to come to him. Visibly relaxing, James ordered what was almost a chicken curry trapped in a stick of bread. "And what are you having?" he asked Lupin._

"_You don't have to keep me like a pet," said Lupin, smiling warmly. "I'm earning now."_

"_Yes," said Sirius, "and it only took donning a pair of lederhosen and pretending to be German to get you the job this time."_

"_Sirius-"_

"_Ich bin ein Berliner."_

_Lupin laughed. "Shut up. You're impossible." He turned to James. "Sure you're still paying?"_

_James clicked his tongue. "I told you I'd sort you out. It's a promise I have every intention of keeping."_

_Lupin shrugged. "All right, but I'm buying your drinks later. Brie, bacon and cranberry please. No butter."_

_Before James handed over his exchanged note Sirius chipped in. "And I'll have smoked salmon and cream cheese and have you got any Jalapeños? Thanks." James gawped. "Well," said Sirius, "what else would you spend your money on? It's not real money anyway."_

_Lupin rolled his eyes and assured the cashier that neither James nor himself and Sirius were in the possession of counterfeit notes. "He's foreign and a bit confused." He bit back his smile at Sirius' expression of indignation. "His parents are related," he added, as though this settled the matter._

_James sighed. "And a monstrosity then," he said, wondering how on earth Sirius hadn't been poisoned by his strange food choices._

_The rain had stopped. Sirius led the way to a little spot Electra had found a week previously, picking out chili peppers and eating them as he went, much to Lupin's disgust._

_And as soon as they sat down, the heavens opened. Lupin sighed, "You couldn't make this up."_

"_That's it," muttered James. "I know that look. Smile!"_

_Lupin smiled sarcastically. "We all have hobbies."_

"_Yeah, yours is just embarrassing evidence." Sirius grinned. "Put the timer on."_

"_And balance my camera on what?" asked Lupin. "We're in the middle of Hyde Park. I can't just levitate it and hope for the best."_

_James hummed. "Put it on the bench."_

"_That's miles away!" Lupin cried, outraged. "And the lighting will be appalling in this weather. It's a travesty."_

"_Remus, it's ten yards."_

_Lupin sighed. "In photography, ten yards _is_ miles."_

"_What happened to your precious zoom button?" Sirius asked. "You loved that button and now you've cast it away like an old glove."_

_Lupin busied himself pressing a selection of buttons and backing away slowly as a young mother might do when leaving her baby for the first time. "Okay, get in. We've got ten seconds." He picked up the bag of crisps he and Sirius were 'sharing'. And 'sharing' really ought to be 'fighting over' as when faced with sharing food, eating with Sirius was like feeding time in the shark tank. _

_Evidently they did not have ten seconds as just as James tried to flatten his hair, Sirius plucked out another chili pepper and Lupin reached into the bag, the flash went off and James rolled his eyes._

_CLICK!_

"_You couldn't make this up," Lupin repeated, realising he had neither zoomed in nor made the appropriate lighting effects._

"_What the hell were you fiddling with?" asked James._

_Lupin mumbled and shrugged. "I don't know…I thought I was changing the flash to super-bright."_

"_Let me have a go," said Sirius, reaching for it._

_Lupin grabbed the camera and pulled it to his chest where he almost seemed to cradle it. "Not on your life, mate. You'll kill it."_

"_No more than you will."_

"_Oh really?"_

"_Not as much as your mother would."_

"_What is it with you and my mother?"_

"_Wouldn't you like to know."_

_James was frankly very frightened that he had begun to wish he was with Peter, wearing a tea cosy and trying to solve murders with perverts in Norfolk._


	30. In which Sirius is coerced into visiting

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: It's been a while, hasn't it. I'm sorry. And this one is pretty angstalicious. Those who read "Gospel According to Lupin" will know what Sirius is talking about at the end there but even if you didn't, I'm pretty darn sure you can guess.**

"How long did he have left?"

Lupin's eyes softened and he pressed his lips together.

"Eight months," said Sirius quietly, pulling out the next photograph and closing his eyes momentarily to handle the wave of pain that accompanied the picture. "Longer than some."

Lupin nodded solemnly. He glanced over at the picture in Sirius' hand and his breath caught, watching Electra sob into Sirius' chest on their sofa; watching him rock her slowly and kiss the top of her head. He remembered taking it not to taunt but to remember. It was a beautiful picture, haunting and tragic, but beautiful. The lighting was soft and the shadows long, representing the fear now instilled in all of them. It displayed Lupin's deepest fears and his belief in hope - two terrified people grieving and clutching one another as though letting go would mean destruction of their world.

"Electra," Harry murmured, watching the woman he should have grown up with, turn toward the lens, her eyes bloodshot and her mascara staining her cheeks. She had never looked so human.

_December 1980_

_The stairs creaked slightly but the deathly silence was soon restored. Three more steps. The door handle turned to the left and made a soft swishing noise as it shifted the carpet. The last cloaked, masked figure shut it behind them and cast a wordless silencing charm. The lock clicked and Orestes Nott shifted slightly in his sleep._

_The second figure - a woman - leant stood in the shadows, pulling the third to stand with her. Her silver eyes glinted with malice. She hissed softly and the first figure pulled out a long thin wand._

"_Nott!" Bellatrix spat, immediately waking Orestes whose hands shook. He sat up in bed and pushed himself against the wall. He sized up the figure before him. It was tiny, far too short to be a man and he could push past. He threw back the covers. "Nott, I feel I should warn you that you are no longer able to Apparate in or out of this room."_

_Nott took a deep breath and barged past the Death Eater standing beside his bed. He was surprised at the lack of resistance from even Bellatrix as his hands gripped the door handle._

"_Oh, and I've taken the liberty of locking the door. I hope you don't mind."_

_Nott made for the dressing table but Bellatrix was far too quick for him. With a wordless charm, his wand flew, spiralling through the air into her outstretched hand._

"_You are no doubt realising that you have been caught."_

_Orestes shook his head. "I don't know what you're talking about."_

_Bellatrix smirked. "Well, then, I think I had better remind you. Theodore?"_

_Orestes watched in horror as his uncle removed his mask. "You betrayed the trust of the Dark Lord who, above all, desires loyalty and courage."_

"_No. No, I didn't. I didn't mean-"_

_Bellatrix cackled and sent shivers down his spine. "This, Nott, is what happens when you betray the Dark Lord. He is merciless."_

"_No, please. You don't understand-"_

_Bellatrix pouted slightly and nodded, mocking. "I know. I know. What happened? You thought you'd try it out for a while? See how the mark suited you? And then little Notty got scared, did he?" Her voice returned to its usual sharp, malicious pitch. "Thought he'd run off, did he? Thought we wouldn't find him, did he?"_

_Nott pressed himself against the door. "No. My sister-"_

_His uncle glared and shook his head. "For the first time in your life, be a man."_

_Bellatrix smirked smugly. "Mulciber?"_

"_Anna? Anna, don't do it. You know you can't do it."_

"_Shut up!"_

_Anna pulled out her wand and remained silent. Of the three, she was the sole Death Eater wearing her mask - one she had loaned from her husband as she did not yet bear the mark that even Orestes had tattooed onto his forearm. By rights, she oughtn't be here, she thought to herself, but it was Christmas Eve and Electra would probably be walking up the stairs as they spoke and if anyone deserved to be saved, it was Electra. She couldn't allow her to see this. Closing her eyes, she murmured, "Avada Kadavra."_

_With a click of her fingers, the wards around the room dissolved and Bellatrix shifted the body back into his bed and Disapparated, taking Nott with her. If Mulciber was caught, she was caught. She mattered little. _

_Anna's hands shook and she could not remove her eyes from the last look of terror etched onto her best friend's brother's face._

"_Ori!"_

_Anna gasped, spinning round as the door opened and a bubbly festively dressed Electra dragged her beau in behind her._

"_Ori, look who I brought with me."_

_She heard the _pop_ that signalled someone had Disapparated. She clutched Sirius' hand and he squeezed back._

"_Ori? Ori, for heaven's sake, you can't have sl-" She shook him and felt his cooling skin beneath her soft hands. His eyes were wide with fear and he was frozen. She let out a blood curdling scream and clutched the bed post for support. _

"_Jesus Christ!" Electra felt arms around her before she could collapse and his voice was in her ear whispering, "Come on, Lex. Come home with me. I know, darling. I know. Come on."_

_Her shaky breaths were shallow and she gasped for air, screaming and punching Sirius' chest as he pulled her closer to him and dragged her away._

"_Please, Electra. Please."_

_Wondering whether he should take her back and return himself to investigate, his Auror instincts taking over, he bit his lip and deliberated whether he was going to Apparate or cast a Patronus. He let go of his girlfriend and headed towards the bed where he was shocked to find a Dark Mark on the victim's left arm. He turned and saw Electra slide down the wall as would a rag doll. His mind was made up._

"_Remus!"_

_Lupin flung open his bedroom door, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and yawning. "What?" he hissed, irritated._

"_He's been murdered! The bastards killed him!"_

_Electra clawed at her skin and pulled her hair, shrieking._

_Lupin sat beside her and took hold of her hands. "I know this is hard for you, but if you carry on screaming, I'll be evicted so please…calm down. There. Good girl." He looked up at Sirius. "What happened?"_

"_She wanted to go and visit her brother. She made me go because Christmas is about good will to all men." He ran a hand through his hair. "I was going to find a reason to be at James' tonight. Thank Christ I didn't."_

_Electra sobbed once more Lupin stood, allowing Sirius to dart into his seat and bundle her up in his arms, pulling her onto his lap and wrapping both arms around her, running one hand through her hair as he shushed her._

"_I'll contact James. You'd better stay here."_

"_Remus?"_

_Lupin turned. "Yeah?"_

"_Thanks."_

"_Don't worry about it."_

_And when he returned he found the fairy lights glowing softly, bathing the lovers in a myriad of colour. Blood red - strangely fitting, sunshine yellow, baby blue, bright green, neon pink; all were too bright and suggested cheer. The candles attached to the tree suited them better and Lupin switched the Christmas lights off with a wave of his hand. _

_Her sobs had ceased and became occasional hiccoughs, breaking the silence. Both were so involved in their world that neither appeared to notice that Lupin was standing in the doorway._

"_I love you, you know."_

_Electra sniffled and nodded, whimpering as she clutched at his woollen jumper - courtesy of Mrs. Lupin - and buried her face in it, hiding herself and breathing in the scent of Sirius - of comfort._

_CLICK!_

1995

Sirius smiled sadly. "We found out who it was. Aurors tend to do that. We had it down to last movements. I never could tell her. I wish I had."

Harry frowned. "I thought you said Lovett wasn't a Death Eater."

Lupin frowned. "What the Auror report said was that three Death Eaters attacked Nott on Christmas Eve and they knew Mrs. Mulciber made up a third of the party. However, she had neither a mark nor her own mask. I can vouch for that completely. I was there the night that she died and she had neither then."

Sirius bit his lip. "Harry, you wouldn't nip back upstairs for that nice one of your dad, would you?"

Harry sighed and got to his feet, closing the door behind him and leaving Sirius free to speak without fear of corrupting an innocent.

"She came to visit me," he said softly, "when I was _in there_."

Lupin froze.

"I know, Remus."

He closed his eyes and ran a hand through his messy fringe. Sirius watched him and smiled grimly.

"She told you?"

Sirius nodded. "Why didn't _you_?"

"It was twelve years. She'd married William and I thought it didn't matter. It was one night, Sirius, your first in…in Azkaban. I never even so much as glanced at her in the street after that. I don't know what came over me. I just-"

"-wanted to hurt me. I know. I had that feeling about you when I thought…"

Lupin nodded. "Can you forgive me?"

Sirius laughed genuinely. "She wasn't even mine then. It wasn't as though you'd been having a year long affair." The laughter died on his lips. "You hadn't been having a year long affair, had you?"

"No, Sirius, funnily enough. I didn't even like her very much."

"Then there's not a lot for me to forgive is there?"

Lupin smiled tentatively as Harry took his place on the sofa, and met Sirius' eye. He received one in return.

"Besides," said Sirius, holding another photograph and grinning wickedly, "I felt up Nancy so we're even."

"Nancy and I were together. You were with Electra. At least, _we_ were both single."

Sirius winked. "But I had mistletoe and wine, Remus."

Harry was thoroughly confused.


	31. In which Lupin faces the truth

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: I will update faster next time but this took ages to write.**

Harry stared at the photograph for quite some time, watching the candlelight flicker, watching the weeping woman. He ran his hands across the picture, tracing the smoother patterns of the light and racing across the shadows on the wooden floor. For once, Lupin did not object, but smiled softly.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Harry nodded wordlessly. "I love this bit here," said Lupin. "Look, see where the shadows keep creeping into the corner. The light's pushing them out."

Harry smiled. "I like that bit too."

Lupin frowned slightly, almost analysing him. "C'è sempra la luce, Harry." He grinned as Harry appeared baffled. "There is always light. Always. As Sirius here will testify, justice and goodness can take a long time to come about, but they always win out, Harry. Always."

_Bad blood will out._

"What's the 'Sempra' thing?"

"That's Italian - like my mother. She used to tell me that when…when I was…low. I needed constant reminding. And I know it's hard, Harry, for you to see the light because you _are_ the light. You are the light to so many people, but before you were to them, you were to me."

Lupin reached into the box and pulled out a photograph of himself and the young Harry, wrapped in a little blue blanket, cradling him in his arms and Harry felt the rush of love as his stomach gave a pleasurable little squirm. He peered closer into the photograph.

"I would go and check up on you from time to time. It gave my weekends some purpose."

And then he felt physically sick.

"I only wish the laws had been different. I would have taken you there and then. That's why I didn't accept the role of your er…other godfather. I thought it might have hindered rather than helped you in later life. "

"Show him," said Sirius, rather suddenly. His face betrayed no clues as to what Lupin was about to reveal and has he sighed and removed his pullover, Harry's eyes widened.

Upon the back of Lupin's left shoulder, just under the upper jaw's bite marks, the Italian words were inked.

Harry barely registered that this mild, bookish man had a small, unassuming tattoo - the last person he expected. He was far too busy staring at himself as a child, staring at the scar on his forehead.

_1981_

"_I just know. That's why I came back from Remus' mother's. I just know something's not right."_

_Electra sighed dramatically, more than half growl. "You had better not be out all night down there. I mean it, Sirius. You were the one who picked tomorrow morning and you'd better bloody stick to it."_

_Sirius threw on another jumper. "Yeah. I'll be there."_

"_Because I'm not house-hunting on my bloody own, looking like some sad act."_

_Sirius rolled his eyes. "I will be an hour tops." He kissed her cheek. "Don't wait up."_

_Electra was not convinced. She folded her arms and raised her eyebrows. "Meaning you'll sneak back into bed at five o'clock and not wake up on time to see the house."_

_Sirius' hands shook. "Something's gone wrong. I can feel it, Lex, and if anything's happened to him, I need to be there. I need to help him. I need-"_

"_Let me come with you."_

"_Don't be absolutely ridiculous," he snapped, his eyes blazing. "If you think I'm risking your life out there too…" He sighed. "Do you think I can concentrate with you out there? I need to know you're safe."_

_Electra took a step back. "What aren't you telling me? What do you know?"_

"_I was James' Secret Keeper."_

_Electra frowned. "Was?"_

"_If anything should happen to me…if I don't come back-"_

"_Don't talk like that." And though she felt his lips on hers, desperately trying to convey how he felt, his fear, his anger, his confusion, she could not respond. He had used past tense. He knew what had happened to his best friend, but she could not understand how._

_

* * *

_

_Peter's house was empty. Not even his mother was at home. Sirius crept inside, not knowing what he was going to find and hardly daring to guess. He lit his wand and peered into the gloom._

"_Peter?"_

_There was no response and by the light of his wand, he could see there had been no struggle and Peter may have been incapable of out-dueling a Death Eater but he would have screamed blue murder and thrown anything and everything he could get his hands on. Certainly the Dark Mark had not hovered above his door._

_Sirius' hand shook and he revved the engine, trying not to remember the feel of James' arms around him as he kicked off or hear his voice in his ear, screaming as he deliberately accelerated to terrify his passenger. He landed in the little side street he and Remus had used. With his mind drifting back to happier times, of parties and punch bowls and laughter and…and Remus, it was harder to be afraid, harder to deal with the fact that Peter had betrayed them._

_But perhaps not yet. Maybe there was time. Maybe James could be dragged out and slapped until he saw sense. He wheeled the bike out and ran along the street, dragging it behind him. _

_He breathed a sigh of relief. The lights were still on and the Mark did not shine above the little house. It was only when his eyes traveled back down to the open front door that he realised the far left of the house had been blown completely away. It was barely visible from this side and his heart stopped beating for what felt like whole days. _

_But still, there might be hope. Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe he had been knocked out. Maybe he was going to wake up in Remus' mother's, drenched and still bobbing for apples. Perhaps his head had been under water too long._

_Remus._

_Remus had heard too. He would be here. And he would see this. And he would think this was his fault. Sirius gasped for air, gulping oxygen. He had had the chance to tell him, too many times to count. He had suspected that Lupin would betray them because Voldemort had promised equal rights for Werewolves. But of course he wouldn't, he was a Gryffindor, a true Gryffindor._

'I'm not a coward and I don't sell out my friends.'

_And who had planted that idea in his head? Peter. Peter the rat. Peter the imbecile. Peter the spy._

_Sirius heard his teeth chatter and tried to blink away the tears pooling at the corners of his eyes. There still had to be something he could do. Maybe this situation was not a complete write off. Maybe this could all be sorted by the time Remus arrived. Maybe he was Martin Miggs the Mad Muggle._

_He propped the bike against the fence and ran along the path, through the open door and there, right before his eyes was the crumpled body of his best friend, fallen on the stairs. He might as well have been sleeping if it weren't for the smashed lens in his glasses._

"_James? James for fuck's sake, this isn't funny. It's Peter, Jamie. I cocked it up. It's Peter and you need to get out and we'll find somewhere. You can come and live with me and Lexi and we'll bring Remus and we'll all live together and it'll be fun again. Remember how it used to be? Remember when it was just us two? Do you remember that whole first day and we got lost? Yeah, the stairs changed, didn't they? And we missed breakfast because I was so late. And then we re-met Remus, didn't we? And it was just us and it was fantastic. I know it didn't last long but we were all right together. We had fun. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't…I'm sorry."_

_He collapsed beside him and lay there, silent and smelling the salt of his tears. It occurred to him that he had never told Electra what to do. She hadn't wanted to hear it. He hadn't even told her, his live-in girlfriend, beside whom he slept every night, in whose arms he was comforted._

_Fiancée. He corrected himself. He had not even told his fiancée with whom he was supposed to be looking for somewhere in which to make a home in less than twelve hours. An hour ago, he had been ducking for apples and laughing loudly, telling a crowd of middle-aged women all about Remus' brush with homosexuality in Holland. _

_An hour ago, he had believed James and his family were completely safe._

_An hour ago, he was worrying in Remus' old bedroom, recalling the discussion he had had with Electra the night before on the subject of bedrooms. He had been worrying needlessly about her instance upon a small room to turn into a nursery while his best friend had died fighting for his son._

_Sirius sat up rather suddenly. There was no wand. He felt the ruined frame of the house shake and scrambled to his feet, darting outside and waiting beside his bike, his wand at the ready._

"_Hagrid?"_

_Hagrid looked almost as shaken as he did. _

"_Are they-?"_

_He nodded and held the bundle closer to him._

"_Harry," Sirius croaked. "Where's Harry?" He laughed in sheer relief as the little bundle in the half-giant's arms was handed to him and he looked into Harry's bright green eyes, tracing the lightning bolt on his head. "But how?"_

_Hagrid shrugged. "No-one knows."_

_Sirius nodded. "Thank you."_

_As though reading his mind, Hagrid smiled grimly. "You can't keep him, Sirius."_

"_Why not? James and Lily entrusted him to me."_

_Hagrid cleared his throat and his chest puffed out. "Professor Dumbledore sent me to get him. He's to go to his Aunt."_

_Sirius gawped. "That twisted, horse-faced bitch? No way!" He held Harry closer to him. "I won't let you. I'm his legal guardian now and I'm telling you that you're not taking him away from me." Harry was his last hope. He could explain to Remus and he would listen if he knew Sirius had been allowed to keep the child. He would believe._

"_Dumbledore knows what he's doing."_

_Dumbledore thought the child was in danger, surely._

"_It's not how this looks."_

_Hagrid frowned. "And how does it look?"_

_Sirius allowed the tear to fall. "Like I killed him. I didn't. I should have been here. I should have protected him." He felt Hagrid's arm around his shoulders and couldn't help but feel awkward about it. He kissed Harry's scarred forehead and handed him back. _

"_Bye then, Harry. I'll come and get you. I'll find you, okay? I promise."_

Pop!

_Remus._

_Sirius bit his lip, debating whether to stay or speed off. He handed the bike over. "You need it more than I do. Watch out for fifth gear. I didn't get round to fixing that. Stay in fourth for as long as you can." And with that, he sprinted._

_Had the circumstances been different, the scene could have been comical. Just as Sirius turned the corner, so did Lupin who faced with the rubble and the evidence of Sirius' presence, collapsed to his knees in the middle of the cobbled street, and shook silently weeping, rocking back and forth. _

"_Remus?"_

_Lupin looked up at Hagrid, his breathing still uneven. "I have…I always take my…can I take a picture of him?"_

_Hagrid handed the child over, swapping him for the camera and as Lupin adjusted the blankets and soothed the child, stroking his cheek with a calloused thumb and attempting to smile down at him, the flash went off._

_CLICK!_

_Lupin felt his knees buckle and hurriedly handed the baby back, gripping the fence and taking back his camera, stuffing it into what Hagrid recognised as an old school bag._

"_I brought everything I thought might be useful. I thought maybe I'd misheard and we could all laugh about it and they'd go back to calling me Mad-Eye-Moony and we'd…I don't know."_

_Hagrid nodded, now almost tearful himself._

"_I don't know what to do," Lupin confessed, his voice cracking. "When did Black leave?"_

_Hagrid frowned, wondering what had happened between them since that morning. "Not two seconds before you did."_

_Lupin sucked in a breath. "Which way?"_

_Hagrid nodded toward the twisting black lanes. "Why?"_

"_He betrayed Lily and James. I've no doubt he gave an impressive performance." He threw the tears away, shaking his hands as he did so as though the water burned. "He sold them to Voldemort."_

_Hagrid shuddered. "I wish you'd stop-"_

"_Saying the name? Well, I won't. Not ever. What the fuck do I care? Why should I be afraid? What the hell have I got to lose?"_

_Lupin spared a kiss for Harry's forehead before he too sprinted off into the shadows, where it did not take him long to find the hunched figure, curled up on the floor, his knees pressed to his chest._

_Sirius sat up, staring in the direction of the growls and the feral snarl that ripped past Lupin's lips; the wolf within was willing to fight to the death and if he was completely honest, Sirius really wasn't in the mood for this._

"_It's not-"_

"_Avada-"_

"_Jesus fucking Christ, Remus."_

Pop!

_Lupin laughed bitterly as he stood alone in the alleyway. "Coward," he hissed._

_

* * *

_

"_You were longer than an hour." Electra smiled sleepily, completely unaware of the circumstances outside her little world. She turned back the cover. "Get in."_

_Sirius shook his head. "I can't go with you tomorrow."_

_She sat up in bed. "What?"_

"_Everything's changed now." He blinked back his tears. "Will you still love me?"_

_She flicked him her ring finger as an answer. _

"_Please take it off."_

_And before she could ask why, he was gone._


	32. In which James awakens

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: I won't be around for a few days as I am working in North Wales but I will be home by Friday and there'll be another update.**

**A/N 2: Frankly, this is getting angsty. It's time this got happier.**

"You were going to kill him."

Sirius met Lupin's eyes and grinned. "No, he hasn't got it in him. He had a total of three opportunities and he never took one of them, even when, by the time the second opportunity came to him, I was an escaped serial killer whose murder could probably have earned him some serious cash."

Lupin smiled smugly at Harry. "And the third time I could have done it, I believe I was pulling your hands from round his throat, you little hypocrite."

Harry frowned and almost blushed. Unable to look at either of them, he mumbled a quick "Sorry," to his shoes.

Sirius laughed. "S'all right. It certainly made my night a little more interesting. Besides, I'm a Marauder; I love a challenge. Convincing you was one thing but convincing you as I was being strangled to death and sat on by a cat, now that was my kind of challenge."

Lupin drew in a deep breath. "Sometimes I really do wonder how we became friends."

Sirius sat up straight, his eyes twinkling, and Harry had the distinct impression that his godfather was about to enjoy himself immensely. "Well, of course, Remus, you're right. I see no similarities between us at all. Certainly, I wouldn't drink myself into a stupor before waltzing into a tattoo parlor at three in the _afternoon_ and ask them to write on my shoulder with needles. No, Remus, no similarities whatsoever." He smirked. "The only difference, Saint Remus of Mercy, is that _my_ mother didn't go ballistic when she found out." He frowned. "Though, at least your mother _cared_ enough to go ballistic, so I don't really know who wins this one."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "Shall I move on or do you have something of any worth to add to the discussion?"

Sirius smiled sarcastically. "Oh look, Harry, here's a nice one."

_1979_

_James Potter wondered how in the world he had awoken beside a traffic cone, in the middle of a public park, wearing no shoes. He could see only one plus point. No-one here knew him and he couldn't understand their bitching. _

_Okay, two plus points. Things were on the up._

_Things could be distinctly worse. He glanced over at his friends and found that Sirius was curled up beside a tramp and Peter was naked. He had come out of this experience remarkably well in comparison. _

_He sat up with a jolt. If Sirius had slept beside a tramp and Peter had given him his clothes, then where the hell was Remus? James tried to remain calm. After all, Remus was a big lad and he could…cause trouble in an empty phone box. Worryingly, he was also an early riser with a camera. _

"_Peter," he hissed. "Peter, there are people passing and as slack as Dutch police can be, you will probably be arrested."_

_Peter groaned and hit out at him, turning over and finding his face mashed into dewy grass. He shuddered in horror and sat up, upon which it rather suddenly occurred to him that he was naked._

"_Jesus, Prongs!"_

"_Yeah, I know."_

"_Fuck!"_

_James nodded. "My sentiments exactly."_

_Peter bit his lip and darted behind a tree. "Okay, what are we going to do? Where are my clothes?"_

_James bit back his smile. "I don't know, Pete. I was rather hoping you might have the answer to that one."_

"_Shit, man."_

_James prodded Sirius with a bare foot. "Oi!"_

_Sirius stretched out, arching his back upwards in a manner that distinctly reminded James of his cat. He shook his hair out of his face and glimpsed the elderly, bearded man who appeared to be wearing Peter's AC/DC t-shirt._

"_Dear Christ!" he spat, leaping to his feet, glad to be found in the same clothes he had arrived in. "Who knows what I've caught."_

"_Fleas probably," said James. "Still, you should be used to them by now."_

_Sirius smirked. "Just remember, Prongs, that in two weeks, it's Full Moon and to me, you are venison."_

_James flicked him two fingers and returned to talking to the tree. "Peter, you're going to have to come out some time."_

"_He came out when we were at school."_

"_Shut up, Padfoot!"_

_Sirius laughed. "So you're topless. Big deal."_

"_I am not topless," spat Peter. "You ask him what he did with my underwear."_

_Sirius struggled to stand up, laughing so hard that he broke the sound barrier and clinging onto James, he was rather reminded of the previous evening in a small Dutch café. _

_James bit back his grin and glanced toward the tramp. "Okay, Wormy, I don't want to worry you, but he's er…well, he's gone."_

"_WHAT?"_

_Sirius finally stopped laughing. "And so's Remus. Funny, we never saw them together."_

_James rolled his eyes. "Don't even start on that. You know what he's like. I dread to think." He turned back to the tree. "There's bound to be something we can buy you." He sighed. "Sirius, if you don't stop giggling like a teenage girl, I'm going to go fucking bananas. We've lost Peter's clothes, we've lost Remus, we've lost my shoes and if you carry on, Pad, you're going to lose your life."_

"_Mystery solved," said Sirius, grinning._

"_It's not my clothes by any chance?"_

_Lupin's hands shook and he clutched James' wrist, squeezing it. "You will not believe what just happened to me."_

_James raised his eyebrows. "Oh, I think we will."_

"_It is one thing to wake up with morning wood. In fact, I was expecting it as I had agreed to share a room with a prostitute, but it is quite another to wake up and find out that she's got it too."_

_Sirius burst into another bout of giggles that not even a withering glance from Lupin could put an end to. "You? Sleeping with prostitutes?"_

_Lupin gave him the finger. "Okay, a) prostitute - singular and b) literally sleeping. She couldn't afford the room on her own and after you three were thrown out, I agreed to split with her. She had the bed, I slept on the floor, but then it got cold and she told me to 'hop in' so I did and...oh God…"_

_James frowned. "And at what point did the erection dig into your back?"_

_Lupin hold on James' wrist tightened. "I had no idea until she got out of the shower and she had chest hair and a tent in her towel and then I looked down and she'd shoved her nipple tassels on me in the night. I have never been more afraid in my life."_

"_What happened?"_

"_He asked me if we'd done anything and how much I owed him. I explained and he paid for the room. I'm telling you, last night she could have passed for a looker but this morning…" He took a deep breath. "I shared a bed with a distant cousin of the Addams family."_

"_Oh, Moony, stop. Stop. I can't breathe," said Sirius, clutching his ribs. "This is even better than the tramp who stole Peter's clothes."_

_Lupin's mouth dropped open. "The what, sorry?"_

_Peter waved from the other side of the tree and Lupin slapped himself hard enough to make James wince._

"_Any minute now, I am going to wake up."_

_James nodded solemnly. "I know how you feel. Unfortunately, Remus, we are awake and we now have to find Peter some clothes and as the most sensible person I have around me, will you come with me to find some?"_

_Lupin nodded. "At least, I would but I don't think it's wise to leave Sirius with a naked Peter. I really don't."_

"_Good point," said Sirius, smiling to himself. "So you two could stay and I could find him some clothes. How hard can it be? Remus, you can stay and I'll take James because he obviously thinks he's the man for the job."_

_Lupin nodded. "And try not to make idiots of yourselves. I know it's hard, but try." He leant against the tree. "So what's the damage?"_

* * *

_CLICK!_

_Peter adjusted his friends' offerings. "It's a bit…tight."_

"_I could give you my jacket to cover it."_

_Peter glared. "Yes, Padfoot, that's just what I need; leather to complete the ensemble."_

_Sirius nodded and turned to James. "I told you we should have bought him the whip to go with it."_

"_I can barely breathe."_

_James shrugged. "That's PVC for you, Peter."_

_Peter frowned. "Why couldn't you have bought me something normal?"_

"_Well, it's Amsterdam. We had to buy you a souvenir."_

"_I look like a prostitute."_

_Lupin froze. "Don't even fucking joke about that."_

_James grinned. "Remus?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Can Peter borrow your nipple tassels?"_


	33. In which Peter is called upon

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Chapter 10 leads on from this.**

Harry raised his eyebrows. "So, let me get this straight. You bunked with a prostitute because she couldn't afford the room and then in the morning, she paid for it?"

Lupin nodded. "It took me a week to realise the flaw in his story."

"I think he fancied you," said Sirius.

Lupin glared. "Not as much as he fancied you after you took him for the ride of his life on the teacups."

Harry rifled through the box and said, "And bought him candy floss. That was bound to be a come-on."

Lupin laughed but was soon silenced by the look in Sirius' eyes. "What have you done to my godson?" Lupin raised his eyebrows further. "He used to be such a nice boy, Remus, and then he got to know _you_."

Lupin shrugged. "Or maybe he'll be worse than I ever could be because he's the Prongslet." Sirius paled. "Another James to make your life hell with little quips. Wouldn't that be lovely?"

Sirius looked down at his godson. "You realise this means I will never tell you anything about myself ever again?"

Harry smiled smugly. "But I've seen the pictures now so either you tell me or I'll just assume the worst."

Lupin grinned. "And the worst about _you_, Padfoot, could probably get you arrested."

Sirius smiled grimly. "Well played."

_1981_

"_Get out of my house."_

_James sighed and massaged his temples as his wife stormed upstairs having woken their son in yet another vicious argument. "Come in." He closed the door behind Sirius, checking the wards were up before proceeding into the kitchen and collapsing into a chair. _

"_Things make a lot more sense now," said Sirius softly. "Since he moved out, I've been able to get my head around it." He entwined his fingers, clasping his hands together as though in prayer, and resting his chin upon them. "Voldemort says he'll give equal rights to werewolves. It's what Remus has wanted since he was about fourteen."_

_James shook his head. "I just had that discussion with Lily. I'm not ready for it again."_

_Sirius groaned. "Look, normally I would say do what the hell you like. Bury your head in the sand if that is what you want to do, but, James, when both of you are doing it, things get dangerous. The most evil people in the world are currently hunting for you son. Don't you see why I'm scared? I can protect you. I will protect you. I'm your best friend. I'm Harry's godfather. I'm not going to let anything happen to you, but I'm scared that you will, James."_

_James glared across the table at him. "What are you trying to say?"_

"_That you're too trusting. Lupin is a habitual liar. That is what he does. He lied to us for two years and we believed him, James. You haven't got two years to figure it out this time. He lies to everyone he meets and because that's how he gets jobs, that's his occupation in my mind. He's a manipulative bastard too. You should see how he's got his mother wrapped round his little finger and other than the Baron, he's the only person I have ever heard of who can control Peeves. It all adds up."_

_James sighed and nodded. "I know."_

"_And you're running out of time."_

"_I know," said James weakly. "I'll talk to him."_

_Sirius frowned. "When?"_

"_He's coming round later to help me shift some things. I'll talk to him then."_

_Sirius stood, scraping his chair across the tiles as he did so. "Why is he here? You're not supposed to take visitors."_

_James raised an eyebrow. "You're here."_

"_I am your Secret Keeper. That's different." He frowned deeply. "Why didn't you ask me? I'd have helped."_

"_Because they're his things," said James. "When he moved out last week, he brought some of his boxes here while he unpacked and he left a few."_

_Sirius rolled his eyes. "Convenient."_

_James smiled grimly. "Don't let Lily hear you talking like that." He sighed. "You'd better go. I'd rather speak to him alone. I don't think he'd appreciate you being there."_

_Sirius scoffed. "Meaning that you're not going to say anything at all, are you?"_

_James took a step back, avoiding his friend's gaze. "It's harder than it looks. He's my best friend too."_

_Sirius muttered his reply under his breath, but James thought he caught the words "Merlin's sake" before Sirius bid him goodnight and headed upstairs to do the same to his godson._

_Their timing was almost comic, as soon as Sirius Apparated from the doorstep, Lupin arrived upon it, hair disheveled and robes distinctly dusty._

"_I've been in the Attic. Can I come in?"_

_James, still under the cloak, stepped aside and tentatively, Lupin entered, wondering whereabouts he ought to aim his good evenings. "Hello?"_

_The door closed and several locks bolted. Charms were hurriedly recast and James flung off the cloak. "So shall we go upstairs?"_

_Lupin nodded. "This would be so much easier if we could still just Apparate in and out. What is the matter with that door?"_

_James laughed bitterly. "And it would be how long until Voldemort tried that?"_

"_He can't," protested Lupin. "He doesn't know where you live."_

"_For how long?"_

_Lupin froze at the feel of James' gaze on the back of his head. He was aware that they were no longer in step and turned. "I'm sorry. Am I supposed to answer that? I don't know, James. You know what I think."_

_James took a deep breath. "He thinks it's you."_

_Lupin did not even blink. "I know. Why do you think I moved out?" The light in his eyes flickered and died. "Oh, I see. Okay. I don't sell out my friends, James. I know that whatever Voldemort is offering, it's all a lie. I'm not stupid. I must not take leave of my senses. Remember that? At least for me, that sunk in." He sucked in a breath. "And, just so you know, when he asked me, I refused. Thank you for looking after my boxes."_

_Lupin reached for one, but changed his mind, delving into his former school satchel for his camera which he aimed at a thoroughly confused James. _

_Click!_

_Understanding, remembering Sirius' account of Remus' departure, James' hands shook. "Please-"_

"_Yeah, he asked me. And I said I would rather die. It's because I'm what I am; a rather powerful weapon, don't you think? And I did damage to Travers that thankfully, he won't ever really recover from. So he wanted me."_

"_Or was it because you pulled a Death Eater out?"_

_Lupin glared. "That was years ago. She's dead now; that doesn't matter."_

"_Yes, it does."_

_Lily slammed the door of their bedroom shut. "Oh, you're here. What's the matter?"_

"_Nothing," James snapped._

"_James and I were just engaging in a discussion on the subject of loyalties."_

_Lily licked her dry lips. "Remus, I-"_

"_You don't have to be St. Lily of the Outcasts," said Lupin, turning back to her husband. "And if you really want to know, she was pregnant. I never told you that, did I? Frankly, if you would allow a pregnant woman - Death Eater or no Death Eater - to be crushed, then you're not the man I thought you were. Now, of course, the baby didn't survive it, but I don't really believe that's the point."_

_James gawped. "Bloody hell."_

_Lupin shrugged. "And we'll never know whether it was mine or not, but as she said, my condition would make me unfit to be a father anyway, so I suppose that it all worked out for the best in the long run." He exhaled at last. "James, if I have to remove myself from your life to prove I'm innocent and to keep you safe, then that's what I'll have to do. Maybe when this is all over, maybe we can…m-m-meet up. M-m-maybe." _

_His stutter had returned and James was reminded of the eleven year old sharing a carriage with them, intimidated by Sirius and teased mercilessly. "Remus, you don't have-"_

"_If this child is killed by your own stupidity," Lupin shook his head slowly. "I will never forgive you."_

_He picked up his box and asked James politely to step aside so he could pass, not surprised when he did not feel a hand on his arm, pulling him back. James opened the door for him and said nothing, not even a last goodbye._

_Closing the door, he turned to find his wife in tears at the top of the stairs. Composing herself, Lily hissed, "One by one, I seem to lose all my friends to you." She descended the staircase, two at a time, reaching for a coat on the end of the banister. "Well, my sacrifices end with Remus."_

"_You can't leave."_

_She pulled her arm away. "Just try and stop me."_

"_We don't know where he is."_

"_With a box full of his things? He's at home. Now let me pass."_

_Wordlessly, James did so, knowing this had to end. He returned to their kitchen and began to scribble a note. Sirius was right. He had only one last hope._

Peter,  
I know it's late. Can you come round? We need a favour.  
J.


	34. In which Peter is lost

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Why, hello there. Long time, no see. I haven't had a lot of inspiration for this as I have barely seen my lovelies all summer, let alone taken pictures but we finally met up last Monday and took the "Where Dwell" photographs which (when they are finished, I will post a link to for anyone who's interested).**

The awkward silence had descended. Harry winced but said nothing, choosing instead to flick through the box, pulling out a photograph of his father and Peter and staring intently at it, frowning.

"So, if he'd had more of a spine, I would have had a family."

"Your father had a perfectly good spine, Harry."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Really? For someone with a perfectly good spine, he seemed to rely a lot on other people's opinions."

Alarm bells were starting to ring for Lupin who fiddled with the sleeves of his shirt. "Harry, I understand you're upset."

"I'm not upset."

"No," agreed Lupin. "You're angry; which leads to upset. I'm very sorry for jumping the gun, as it were."

He sounded like his teacher again and, much as Harry wanted to glare at him, he couldn't.

"I've said I'm sorry so many times that if I say it again, it'll lose all meaning. I really can't even tell you how I feel."

Harry nodded. "I know."

"And please don't think badly of him, Harry. He was trying to do his best for you."

"I know."

_1978_

"_I know what'll cheer you up."_

_Lupin stared into his tea, stirring yet another cube of sugar into it. "Murdering Travers?"_

_James drummed his fingers against the cabinet. "Not quite. I was thinking maybe a night out with us or something. A night that doesn't end with scenes apt for a fourteenth century execution."_

_Lupin shook his head. "I haven't got any money, remember?"_

"_That's okay. We can go somewhere free."_

_Lupin took a sip of piping hot tea and James winced, wondering just how many taste buds his friend had burnt off._

"_Where do you suggest then?"_

_James flashed him an odd smile. "I thought we might go orienteering. You know, wandering round the countryside looking for clues. I thought it might take your mind off things for a bit."_

_Lupin raised his eyebrows. "Oh really? And the fact that you have wanted us to do this every summer for the past six years has nothing to do with it whatsoever, does it?"_

"_Of course not. I'm just concerned about my best mate…and I'd like us to do it." James grinned. "Come on. You know you want to."_

"_Can we ask Travers?"_

_James sighed, exasperated. "Will you shut the fuck up about Travers?"_

_For the first time in weeks, Remus Lupin genuinely smiled. "No, come on. I want to murder him in the woods. Say, Travers, is it just me or do you hear a banjo on the other side of the river?"_

_James only raised an eyebrow. "Say, Lupin, is it just me or have you gone completely bonkers?"_

"_You've never seen 'Deliverance' then?"_

"_I'm not sure I want to."_

_Lupin sighed. "All right. Let's do it. Let's go orienteering. It can't be worse than sitting around moping."_

_James, having finally got his own way, was somewhat reluctant. "You know, Remus, maybe you're right. Maybe you need a little more time."_

"_No, I want to do it. Let's go."_

_James bit his lip. It was certainly true that Remus had perked up since this mystery girl from school had been to see him, but whether he was ready to be a Marauder again was another matter. Maybe he wasn't ready to laugh._

"_Remus-"_

"_Yes, yes, and thrice yes. Let's do it. Wherever he is, Dad's pissed off that I'm not doing anything, so yes." He was almost panicked now and seemed on the verge of actually pushing James out of the back door and into the chicken coop._

"_Are you trying to get rid of me?"_

_The door knocked._

"_Remus?"_

_The familiar half-Worcestershire, half-Italian accent rang through the porch and into the kitchen. _

"_You _are_ trying to get rid of me." James grinned. "Come in, Miss Costello, do." Turning to Lupin with a smug smile, he widened his eyes behind his spectacles. "Why didn't you tell me it was Costello?"_

_Lupin cleared his throat. "I didn't think you'd approve."_

"_No, funny that."_

"_Hello, James."_

_James took a deep breath and managed an icily polite, "Good afternoon."_

_Lupin groaned. This was not going to work out the way he had intended._

_

* * *

_

"_North. Which way is north?"_

_James, dressed to the nines in half a Muggle camping shop, grinned. "Um…whichever way the compass is pointing, Wormy. It always points north."_

_Peter made somewhat disconcerting noises. "But it's…er…it's pointing north whichever direction I point it in."_

"_Oh, that's it." Sirius tightened his hood. "Lost out in the woods in the rain. Yes, James, fantastic idea. I don't know why we haven't done it before."_

"_Isn't the North Star the brightest in the sky?"_

"_No, that's Sirius."_

_Sirius grinned._

"_Not you. Twat." James sighed. "Besides, Wormy. It doesn't matter which it is because to see them, it would have to be night, wouldn't it?"_

_Lupin rolled his eyes. "I'm not staying here at night. It's creepy enough in the afternoon."_

_Sirius made a face. "You might not have a choice."_

_Lupin sighed. "We can Apparate."_

"_Not if people can see us."_

"_Frankly, Peter, it's a risk I'm willing to take."_

_James immediately set off at a brisk pace, radiating confidence. He was shortly followed by Peter who had to trot to keep up._

"_Oh, that's just fucking fantastic," snapped Sirius. "So not only has Potter obviously lost his mind, but Pettigrew's buggered off with the map. Happy days."_

_Lupin bit back his smile. "Hey, who were the best cartographers? We'll be all right. Come on. Buck up."_

_Sirius trudged after him, his worry that he was traipsing round the marshes with Mary Poppins only increasing as time went on. Best cartographers or no, he wanted to be back in James' back garden with his bike. He knew where he was with spanners. Compasses were a different matter entirely - which was irrelevant as Peter had decided to do a disappearing act with it._

"_James?"_

_Lupin frowned. "Stop shouting. There might be mountain people about."_

"_Remus, this is the Lake District, not Alabama."_

"_Sirius?"_

"_James!"_

_James clambered out from amongst the bushes. "Thank Christ. Have we…are we just…I've seen this before, I'm sure of it."_

_Lupin rolled his eyes. "Right. So that's seventy-five percent of us alive and well."_

_Sirius frowned. "What happened to Peter? You two buggered off."_

"_Well, he said we had to go straight down and then he sort of half-ran-half-fell down a really muddy hill and you know, this coat is new."_

"_That's it. He's probably being made to squeal like a pig somewhere," said Lupin, dryly._

"_Remus, I have no idea what the hell has got into you lately, but you've become quite sinister."_

_Sirius glared darkly. "You say that and you haven't spent the whole afternoon with him going on about toothless mountain dwellers and Kappas."_

"_Well, there's only one thing for it," said James. "We'll just have to wait for him to find us. There's no use us splitting up and wandering around looking for him."_

_Lupin sighed deeply. "James, that only works with children and the last place they saw you. Since Peter is not a child and God knows where you two parted company, there's little point. What's important is our lack of a crossbow."_

_Sirius shared a confused glance with his best friend. "What?"_

"_Well, if any mountain dwellers are about to make him squeal, we've just got to shoot them in the back. Was I the only one who researched to come?"_

"_Researched?" Sirius repeated. "What the fuck were you looking at? How did it get into the public domain?"_

"_It's a film," said Lupin, darkly. "Someone could be watching us right now."_

"_Don't be ridiculous, Remus."_

_James shivered and slowly turned to find a pair of eyes atop the nearest mountain. "Oh my fucking God! Okay, Moony, I'll do whatever you say."_

_Sirius frowned, staring back at it. Whatever it was, was clearly pleased they were there. Lupin was right. It was a mountain man. Or a hill-man seeing as they were still just out of Glenridding._

"_Okay, Remus, if you want a crossbow, we'll make you a crossbow."_

"_Why? I can't fire one."_

_James scoffed. "At the end of the day, who is going to go near three blokes with a crossbow?"_

_Lupin peered out to the horizon. "Sodomising, toothless inbreds."_

"_Why didn't you tell me you had invited my parents?"_

"_Sirius, now really isn't the time."_

_Sirius smirked. "Maybe it's Travers. Did he RSVP, Moons? Maybe he's wondering why we didn't wait for him."_

_James ran his hands through his hair. "Will you stop going on about it? He's only been dragged out here to forget about fucking Travers!"_

_Lupin raised an eyebrow. "You needn't have gone to the trouble. I have never been inclined to do so."_

"_Very bloody funny, Moony. The fact remains that something or someone is watching us up there."_

"_Get your wands out then," said Lupin. "I do not believe that I am talking to two aspiring Aurors who when faced with danger, immediately want to fashion a crossbow and run."_

"_Shall we stun it?"_

"_What? All three of us? We'd kill it."_

_Lupin laughed. "Don't flatter yourself. You're not that good."_

_James raised his eyebrows and smirked. "I wouldn't worry about Moony, Pad. He's crabby with everyone. He's sexually frustrated, see."_

"_Prongs, he's been sexually frustrated since he was thirteen."_

"_Shut up."_

"_And you'll never guess who he's shagging."_

_This perked Sirius up. "Whoa. What? You have a love life and you didn't tell me?"_

_Lupin glared at James. "Well, look what happened last time." Sirius fell silent. "I'm not talking about you finding Mulciber banging the beejesus out of her in a closet. I'm talking about you making her life hell for seven years."_

_Sirius smirked. "She deserved it in the end. I was just better with my tea leaves than you were."_

_Lupin clicked his tongue and sighed (the closest to furious he ever really got without the aid of chewing gum). "Only because I didn't take the subject."_

"_What are you implying?"_

"_That Divination is the easiest subject to pass and you pair still managed to fail it."_

"_How's it easy?"_

"_You just bullshit your way through an exam, but you've got no sense of scale, have you? Everyone was apparently dead by the following day and we'd all been betrayed by our best friends and murdered in our beds."_

"_What would you have done then, oh wise one?"_

_James' mouth dropped open. "I hardly think that matters right now. Can we get back to the matter in hand please? I would quite like to go home to Lily in one piece and I'm sure Remus wants to keep a certain something for Costello."_

"_You're shagging Gemini?"_

_Lupin buried his face in his hands. "Look, she's underage so…"_

"_Paedophile."_

"_Piss off!"_

_James smirked. "You'd have to tell him some time."_

_Sirius shrugged. "I don't know what your problem is with her. I like her. And she's fucking hot." He pointed his wand at the large, brown blob above them. "Stupefy." It tumbled down the hillside. "I couldn't let him die. He's only eighteen, and dying in the Lake District having only ever shagged Fat Annie is a punishment I wouldn't even wish on Voldemort."_

_Lupin smirked. "Oh, shut it."_

"_And I don't know why you went back to her either, not when you had a very foxy lady wanting to jump you."_

"_Sirius, will you please shut up now? It was a relapse. She got me drunk."_

_Sirius froze, staring at the rolling body headed straight for him. "Peter?"_

"_You killed him," muttered James. "And we watched you do it. Moon, what does your source say to do?"_

"_Bury him in the river and weigh him down with rocks."_

"_Right. Brill."_

"_Sirius! It was sarcasm! You just stunned him."_

"_I want to go home."_

_Lupin turned to James. "If ever I hear the 'O' word pass your lips again, I'm going to skin you alive, okay? We've been orienteering. We know what it entails. Now let's never speak of it again."_

_CLICK!_

"_I just had to get that picture of Peter. You know…research purposes only."_

_James was horrified. "Well, don't leave me in it with him. He looks like a corpse."_

_Lupin faked innocence. "Too late now."_

"_All right, but not a word - or a photograph - to Lily."_

_Lupin smirked back. "Fair enough. Are you going to be nice to Gem?"_

_James sighed. "I'll try."_

"_Okay. Well, I'll try not to drop the photo in your living room then."_

_James clicked his tongue. "Whatever. Pick up Peter with me."_


	35. In which Sirius begs a favour

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Long time, no see…again.**

"Should have shot him."

Lupin nodded. "I have since learned how to fire one if you're ever up for it." Sirius coughed meaningfully. "All right, I won't, but I can teach you to."

"Great."

Sirius was inclined to agree. "Just think how cool you'll look with a wand and a crossbow."

Lupin smirked. "Oh, pity you didn't have one then."

_November 1978_

"_Officially the best birthday ever."_

_CLICK!_

_Lupin sighed. "If you mean the most embarrassing, then yes."_

_Sirius grinned. "It was embarrassing for you, Moony. I had a wonderful time."_

"_Yes, because I was embarrassed."_

"_Touché, mon ami."_

"_And stop pretending to be a Belgian detective. It's grating on my last nerve."_

"_Quelle domage."_

"_Sirius, it's really annoying me now. It wasn't even funny last night and it certainly isn't any better now."_

"_Mais non. Mais non. C'est…fucking hysterical."_

_The sigh was deep and profound and for a moment, Sirius wondered how long Remus had sounded so…well, female. He daren't turn round. There were only two women who held slight affection for him when they were exasperated, one was Lily Evans who would surely have at least said hello to Remus, and the other he did not want to see whilst wearing eyeliner._

"_And there I was honestly thinking you'd developed some culture, Black."_

"_Wishful thinking, madam," said Lupin, turning to face her and smirking at Sirius as he did so. "Unless, of course, you refer to a strange and sudden penchant for Agatha Christie novels."_

"_I was _not_ pretending to be Poirot."_

_Lupin raised his eyebrows. "I did not accuse you."_

_She giggled and took a drag from her cigarette. "I'll say this for you, Black, life's never boring with you around, is it?"_

_Lupin scoffed. "If you would like to take him off my hands, Miss Nott, you are more than welcome."_

_His worst fears now absolutely confirmed, Sirius resigned himself to death. He couldn't live in a world in which his ex-girlfriend knew he waltzed around the street pretending to be a short fat man whose head was decidedly egg-shaped._

"_Why ever would she want me around when you have such a mutual hatred of me? You'd have loads to bitch about."_

_Electra stared blankly at him. "Do you hate him, Remus?"_

_Lupin paused a moment. "No comment. It's a close call some days. I call them weekdays."_

"_Well I certainly don't."_

_Sirius' eyes widened. "You don't?"_

"_Why should I?"_

"_Because I told you I loved you and then pretended to be lying."_

_Electra laughed. "Exactly. That's the way you work. I had to back off, date someone else, and you would come crawling back." She smiled sweetly._

_Sirius was stunned. "This is an accident meeting."_

_Electra nodded slowly. "So it wasn't you who checked my address with my neighbour then?"_

"_Of course not."_

_Lupin met her eyes and nodded. Electra beamed at him._

"_Must have been Regulus then. Sorry."_

_Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "So…are you er…busy on Saturday?"_

"_Well, I have work."_

_Sirius wrinkled his long nose. "On the weekend?"_

"_Well, that's the point of being an Unspeakable. You never clock off."_

"_Is that a euphemism?"_

_Electra laughed. "I've missed you a bit. No, it's not. Though I finish at six."_

_Sirius looked as though all his birthdays, Christmases and Halloween feasts had come at once. "Well, we could maybe get something to drink."_

_Electra winced. "Drinking on an empty stomach?" She shook her head. "I'd only end up in bed with you and then where would we be?"_

"_In bed."_

"_You can take me out to dinner if you like."_

"_Even better. I'll cook."_

_Luckily, Electra was too busy fishing for a piece of paper upon which to scribble an address, to catch sight of Lupin's open mouth and wide-eyed horror._

"_Great." She grinned at them and wiggled her fingers goodbye. "It's a date."_

_Sirius was still beaming like a lunatic despite the stony expression on his friend's face._

"_Sirius, two flaws, but they are both so, so major. For starters, that's not your address, it's James', and perhaps most importantly, you can't cook."_

_Sirius smirked. "I know. But _you_ can."_

"_No, no, and thrice, no. And for that matter, I'm not playing the role of naked butler either."_

"_But that was so funny."_

_Lupin raised his eyebrows unnaturally high. "How much is it worth to you?"_

"_Remus, you're supposed to be my best mate."_

_Lupin lit a cigarette. "I'm also skint."_

"_I notice your nicotine habit hasn't suffered," snapped Sirius._

"_No, I know. I've been taking them from you when you're asleep."_

_Sirius smiled smugly. "Then you owe me. Come on, Remus, please. We're friends. I would do it for you."_

_Lupin softened. "You owe me. You owe me big time."_

"_Great. So now I just have to persuade Prongs to take the lovely Miss E. out for the night. Do me a favour, Moon-"_

"_Absolutely not."_


	36. In which Lupin is sadistic

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: This was begging to be written. It's a little risqué, but it made me and my friend giggle when we improvised it.**

"Did my Dad let you have it?"

Sirius smirked. "I'm sure he would have if I'd actually asked him."

"So what happened? What did she say?"

"You know what happened, Harry. I pulled it off."

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Sorry. _Who _pulled it off?"

"Okay, _we_ pulled it off."

Lupin winced. "Well, we're getting closer to the truth now, I suppose."

_1978_

"_Come on."_

_Lupin shook his head. "I don't really want to go. I don't think I should. My Mum's not due back from that bloody nunnery until half nine and I can't leave my Dad on his own in this state."_

_Sirius smirked. "Pick you up at quarter to ten then."_

_Lupin sighed. Yet again, he had lost the battle of wills._

_

* * *

_

_Watching them together was surreal. While Peter was effeminate, there was a beauty and grace about Remus that - was he not a total fool at the sight of the female body - would have made James suspicious from very early on. In fact, now that he thought about it, there was the same beauty and grace in Sirius. Indeed, there was a little of it in himself. The only one who was not suspiciously pretty was Peter. Oh, the irony._

_He was far from pretty himself and so was Sirius for that matter. Sirius was rather too rugged looking in leather to be considered 'pretty'. Remus was another matter entirely. As much as he carried himself like his father, he had inherited his mother's features, a long, straight nose, long eyelashes, and a thick lower lip. In this lighting, he was worryingly pretty. If he didn't have Lily at home and he wasn't aware that he was a) his best friend and b) a bloke, James might have gone over and tried to buy him a drink. _

_Watching him dance with Peter, both he and Sirius had the impression they ought to be on _Come Dancing_. _

_And either the woman watching them could see Remus was a bloke, or she was a lesbian. Whichever, she did not take her eyes from him, though he seemed oblivious._

"_How is it that he gets girls?"_

_James laughed. "Because he goes all coy on them."_

_Sirius watched their friend's admirer out of the corner of his eye. She was dressed all in pink and her mousy curls were pinned most unattractively atop her head._

"_Merlin's pants!"_

_James swung round to stare at her. "What?"_

"_She's the ugliest thing I have ever seen and I had sixteen years of Kreacher bringing me breakfast."_

_James laughed loud enough for her to hear. She peered at them through brown slits, wrinkling her little button nose. _

"_Jesus!"_

_Sirius smirked. "You got a look, eh?"_

"_It's Dolores Umbridge."_

"_What?"_

_She stared back at them and James wondered whether she knew their shared secret, the secret they had kept closely guarded for so long. Certainly, she knew Remus'. He was a pleasant man who had time for everybody, but to hear him talk, she was Satan. Nor was he shallow, and yet he derived an absurd amount of pleasure from commenting on her unfortunate resemblance to a toad._

"_Is she eyeing him up?"_

"_Looks like."_

_She had not had reason to see Remus since he was six years old. She wouldn't - couldn't - recognise him. But really, she had to be at least forty, making Remus - their Remus, who she had tortured, hurt and broken - half her age. _

"_I'll kill her if she speaks to him, I'm serious."_

_Sirius sighed. "I think it might be more fun to watch Remus deal with it himself."_

_James rolled his eyes. "Which will mean having a nice cup of tea and discussing our issues. No, I don't think so, Pad."_

_The man himself reappeared at their side shortly after, an awed Peter in tow._

"_Fuck me! I'm ruined."_

_Sirius snorted. "Go and ask her. Bet she'd do it in a heartbeat."_

_Lupin rubbed black eyeliner down his cheeks. "Shit!" He shrugged. "Sod it."_

"_What did you give him, Peter?"_

_Peter tittered. "If anyone was assaulted, it was me."_

"_I need another drink."_

_He staggered towards the bar and Peter quickly grabbed the last seat before Lupin could snatch it upon his return._

"_Do you think this thing with his Dad might be leading to an alcohol problem?"_

"_Christ, Padfoot," said Peter, helping himself to a handful of nuts, "that's pretty deep for two a.m." He yawned. "Should they still be serving at this time?"_

"_Who cares, Pete? Seriously."_

_James rubbed his shoulder muscle and winced. "I'm going to collapse soon. Shit! We didn't let him go to the bar, did we?"_

_Sirius scanned the front of the room. "Um…right. I don't want to worry anyone, but I think they're shagging somewhere."_

_James' jaw dropped. "Jesus, Pad, if he finds out we let him screw Umbitch, he'll skin us alive and wear us at Christenings."_

_

* * *

_

_Umbridge's home was as nauseating as the woman herself. The whole place was pink and fluffy. The whole of the passageway was adorned with china plates depicting varies breeds of kittens frolicking amidst buttercup-filled meadows._

_Lupin hung up a coat that he was fairly sure didn't actually belong to him, aware that pink fluffy things were usually the perfect mask for a sadistic bitch to hide behind. She was ruthless, he knew that for himself, but she was probably out to kill him anyway. He was walking on thin ice. He was also only half as plastered as he made out._

"_Come on up."_

_She used her wand for the simplest of spells, even lighting the room which was distinctly reminiscent of a whore's boudoir - pink, feathery, fluffy, and just the slightest hint of dominatrix. Good. She'd like this little game._

"_Make yourself comfortable." She slid out of her pencil skirt and unbuttoned her magenta cashmere cardigan. Lupin would not have been surprised had her bra been made of pink angora, but he could not bring himself to look._

_She lay on her bed and watched him. He took a deep breath. If this was what Anna would have looked like in forty years, he was thanking the Lord for his lucky escape._

_Though he loved Anna, that was different. One night stands had to be attractive, that was an unwritten rule, so why was he looking at a semi-naked toad with wrinkles?_

_This required serious Gryffindor courage._

"_Have you got any handcuffs?"_

_Umbridge smirked and rummaged in her bedside cabinet, producing a steel pair that had to hurt. Either she was incredibly masochistic or they had never been intended for use on the lady of the house._

"_Do you like this, you dirty bitch?" Where the hell was this coming from? "Lie back then."_

_He chained her to her bed posts and began to wonder just how far he was willing to let this go. He pulled at them and Umbridge winced._

"_Do I need my wand?" He had left it conveniently on her dressing table, the opposite end of the room, where she had rather foolishly left hers. Anything could happen to a woman when she was so defenseless._

"_Better had, dear."_

_He shuddered. This was like preparing to screw a hated aunt who smelled of cheap perfume and insisted on kissing one as a child. He pocketed it and smirked._

"_Well, Dolores, I unfortunately have an appointment I ought to keep. Besides, I had better return the coat I mistook. Have a nice evening, won't you. I hope I haven't inconvenienced you."_

_Umbridge shrieked. "You're not serious. Let me out of these!"_

_Lupin faked innocence. "Well, you're a pureblood, aren't you? You should be more than capable of freeing yourself. Anyway, must hurry."_

"_I can't do wandless magic!"_

_Lupin winced. "Oh dear. How unfortunate. I'd come back for you but tomorrow's full moon and I might be a little caught up." Umbridge screamed and writhed. "Hope you're not too put out." She tried to sit up and kicked out. "No need to worry yourself there. I'll see myself out. Oh, and before I forget…"_

_CLICK!_

"_Goodnight."_

_

* * *

_

"_WHAT THE FUCK?"_

_Lupin shook and gasped for breath. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I was just so angry."_

"_Remus, this is some seriously fucked up shit right here."_

_Lupin nodded. "I know. I don't know what to do."_

_Sirius blew the air of his cheeks. "Well, there's only one thing we can do. How much money can we raise in half an hour?"_

"_About thirty-two pence," said Lupin, unimpressed._

"_Is that enough for a bribe, do you think?"_

_James smirked. "I know what is. No offence, Moony, this is Umbitch we're talking about. She's not going to want it put around that she propositioned a werewolf for sex, is she? So how about we offer to untie her on the basis that she shuts her frog-mouth and forgets it ever happened?"_

_Lupin finally smiled. "That could work. Dear God, I can't go to Azkaban. I just can't. People get raped in prison and I don't want a plunger up me."_

_Peter clicked his tongue. "You read too much crap. It's soap these days."_

"_Whatever it is, Pete, I don't want it up my arse, all right?" He ran his hands through his hair. "Oh sweet Jesus."_

_James pushed him into a chair. "Sit down, be good, and for the love of God, I know it's hard, but try not to get into trouble while we're gone."_

_Lupin nodded._

"_And next time you want some action, let me know and I'll castrate you," said Sirius, closing the door behind him._

_There was a moment of awkward silence before…_

"_Remus?"_

_Lupin raised his head._

"_Can I see the picture?"_


	37. In which James tastes a Dolores

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me throughout these sporadic updates.**

Harry was silent for quite some time.

"Are you all right?"

Lupin nodded slowly. "I think I should probably have taken that one out."

Sirius smirked. "But it's my favourite. Didn't it win a prize in that magazine?"

Finally Harry looked up. "What?"

Lupin was evidently choosing his words carefully. "I sent it in to a highly questionable German magazine and it won first prize in a um…a photography competition. You don't really need to know much about that. It was the sort of thing Sirius still buys, so I won't go into too much detail."

Sirius smiled sarcastically. "At least I don't send things into them."

"Well, you encouraged me."

"Yeah, but at least I didn't _take_ the damn thing."

Lupin, beaten, returned to his photographs.

_1979_

"_What have you been feeding this damn cat?"_

_Sirius wrinkled his nose. "Visitors mostly." He shooed the enormous black cat off the sofa. "Go on. We've got people coming and they don't like you."_

_From the kitchen, Lupin called, "Stop bullying my cat!"_

_James laughed and took the vacated seat. "All right, Remus?"_

"_I'd be a lot better if Rowntree wasn't persecuted in every room. Make yourself useful and come and taste the Punch."_

_Sirius raised his eyebrows and winced. "I wouldn't, mate. It's lethal. In fact, half of it came from the bloke who used to own this place's cabinet."_

_James paled. "You can't be serious."_

_Sirius smirked. "Off you go. Have fun. I'd love to join you, obviously, but I have to pick up the kid."_

"_What?"_

"_My baby cousin. I'm supposed to be babysitting tonight."_

"_And you still will be!" Lupin assured him, adding more absurd substances to the bowl. _

_Sirius made a face and slung on the leather jacket that only Nymphadora thought was cool. He tapped his pocket, ensuring the keys were still buried within it, winked at James, and gave Rowntree the finger._

"_So…what's in this Punch then?"

* * *

_

_Lupin threw himself into winding the gramophone. "One day, sometime soon, I'm going to buy myself something that actually works."_

_Sirius poured himself a third glass of Lupin's cocktail - named The Dolores, because it made ones lips curl back in disgust - and said, "That'll teach you to buy everything from men who ask for payment in magic beans then, won't it?" He handed Dora a glass of what Lupin hoped was the requested lemonade. "Remus is a tramp, Dora."_

_Lupin smiled sarcastically. "I'm not a tramp. I'm just-"_

"_-cheap?" Dora offered. She beamed at Lupin. "What music are you trying to listen to?"_

"_One Way Or Another."_

_Dora immediately perked up. "Oh! I know that one. My Dad listens to it all the time."_

"_Ted's a Blondie fan?" James helped himself to another Dolores and collapsed onto the battered sofa, wincing as the springs whined beneath him._

"_No, but he likes her a lot."_

_Sirius smirked. "So does Remus."_

"_Shut up." Music began to play lightly and Lupin immediately stopped the record. "Gentleman, we have power."_

_James sighed. "Every time you say that, Moony, I think that we have taken control of the Soviet Union."_

_Lupin rolled his eyes. "Why are we friends?" He glanced at his watch. "It's quarter to eight."_

"_Wow."_

_Lupin refused to look at a barely sober James, but humoured him none the less. "What do you mean 'wow'?"_

"_When did you learn to tell the time?"_

"_I don't know why I bother. Dora, do you think maybe it's bedtime?"_

_Dora was horrified. "It's only quarter to eight!"_

_Lupin smirked down at her. "Not for you; for him."_

_Dora laughed and beamed at him. "What time is your party?"_

"_Eight. Do you want to help me replenish some stock?" Lupin grinned as James' eyes lit up. "Are you good at making Punch?" Dora shrugged. "Well it's never too late to learn. Follow me." _

_Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Are you going to give a six year old alcohol?"_

_Lupin's mouth dropped open. "Of course not!"_

"_Well _why_ not? It's a bloody party for God's sake."_

_Lupin stared at him for a moment; really took him in. "Only you. No, really. Only you." He beckoned for Dora to follow him and said, "Do you want to know why I call it a Dolores?" They disappeared into the kitchen and the sound of their laughter soon filled the little flat._

_James checked his watch. "Well, where's Lily-petal?"_

_Sirius shrugged. "It's not even eight o'clock yet, mate. Give her chance."_

_Dora bounded into the room, her eyes glinting with excitement, and her hair a glorious crimson. "When I grow up, I'm going to marry Remus."_

_Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Somehow, I don't see it."_

_James laughed. "What do you want to marry Moony for anyway? He's a miserable git."_

"_Because he's good at everything and he's nice."_

_Sirius smiled sadly. "I remember when I thought that, but because he's good at everything, he becomes a smug bastard within two weeks."_

_James nodded and sighed._

"_Well, I like him." Dora beamed. "I think he's funny."_

"_Yes, but when he starts to be a bitch to you, his sense of humour becomes irritating. Trust me, I've been there."_

_Lupin leant on the doorframe. "You know, Padfoot, when Nymphadora goes home and starts repeating this to her mother, you will be in serious trouble; trouble like you have never known."_

_Sirius smirked. "Since the only person she can talk about is you, Moony, I'd be preparing to flee the country if I were you."_

"_Sirius says you won't marry me."_

_Lupin's eyes widened. "And he's right. You're only six."_

"_Well, I'll be seven in a few months."_

_Lupin grinned at her. "You're still too young, sweetheart. I tell you what, if you get to sixteen and you still want to marry me, let's do it."_

_Dora's face fell. "But sixteen is ages away and I need help with fractions _now_!"_

"_I'm not terrific at fractions, truth be told."_

"_But Mummy said you taught them."_

_Lupin laughed. "Yes, but it's the blind leading the blind to be perfectly honest. I know less than the majority of my class. I'll take a look at them though tomorrow." He smiled at Dora. "And you can stay for an hour, and then I think you'd better go to bed."_

_Two hours later, Nymphadora was still listening to The Best of the Sex Pistols and sipping a highly questionable drink handed to her by her cousin._

"_What does he look like?"_

_Lily grinned. "He's such a lovely man."_

"_Yeah, but he looks like an idiot," said Peter, nudging a comatose James back onto his side of the sofa. "What has James been drinking?"_

_Lily shrugged. "God knows. He's probably better off asleep anyway. You know what he's like."_

_CLICK!_

_Lupin looked up from the fractions sheet he poured over whilst twirling Marlene McKinnon around the coffee table, and beamed at his friends. He reached for a pencil and began to steadily write in his workings out, leaning on the back of the sofa._

"_Well, I think tonight's been a success."_

"_Yes," agreed Sirius, "we've got a six year old plastered, poisoned our best friend, and made dicks of ourselves in front of Minnie and Dumbledore. All in all, a good night all round, I'd say."_

_Lupin ignored him, finished the last question, and threw the sheet onto the coffee table with a flourish._

"_Come on, Remus. Come and dance with me." Marlene laughed and stretched out her arms. "I want to learn to tango. Teach me?"_

"_Here? Now?"_

"_When the hell else?"_

_Lupin grinned and waited for the sound of the camera as he entwined Marlene's fingers with his own._

_CLICK!_

"_Remus, I think I broke it."_

"_You'd better bloody not have!"_


	38. In which Lupin relents

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: This one took ages to write but I really wanted to do it. It's another photo I have in my library though the circumstances were considerably different.**

**A/N: Well I've started NaNoWriMo so I won't be updating until December now. Thought I'd leave you with something melancholy so when I get back and write something super cheery, it'll be even better.**

Lupin seemed to find something deeply ironic and moderately funny, and Sirius appeared to be somewhat in on the joke. Harry, deciding that feeling like a simpleton would be the theme for the evening, picked up the next photograph and smiled softly. The relationship between the two young men in the photograph was always kept, he felt, deliberately vague and it appeared to be something that Lupin did not wish to attract any attention to.

"When was this taken?"

Lupin took it from him and remained silent for quite some time, watching his younger self idly leave the frame to fetch what he vaguely remembered to be brownies, while James, still indignant about the bunny ears over his head, took a seat at the table in the background and returned to a very large glass of Firewhiskey.

"I think it was shortly after you were born. Definitely the winter of that year. October maybe though I seem to remember it as Christmas, but I don't think it could have been that late."

Harry nodded. "Well, there are fairy lights up around the um…cooker…thing."

The 'cooker-thing' looked like something out of _Beauty and the Beast_. It was too big to be allowed, taking up most of the kitchen and looking as though it was about to come to life and taste human flesh.

"They were up all year," said Lupin. "My mother thought they were pretty and nobody argued with my mother." He smirked. "They still don't. _I _don't even have the nerve and she's _my_ mother."

_1980_

_Pop!_

_Lupin didn't notice the tell-tale sound of Apparation, or chose to ignore it, and continued his fervent almost caress of the rosary beads in his hands. He was kneeling on the floor, in front of the AGA and if James didn't know better, he was sniffling his way through his Hail Maries. _

"_If this is what you have to do-"_

"_Remus?"_

_Lupin got to his feet and wiped his eyes. "Can you take that damn cloak off?"_

_James let the Invisibility Cloak slip through his fingers and land in a heap at his feet. "Can we talk?"_

_Lupin shrugged. "I don't know what's left to say." He sighed deeply. "I always told you that no-one would give me a break because I'm what I am."_

"_And I always told you that I didn't care."_

_They locked eyes and Lupin lost the stare-out, knowing his argument was ridiculous._

"_Listen, Remus, whatever was said-"_

"_-that I was a traitor-"_

"_-was said by people who don't know you. I-"_

"_-don't believe any of you would sell me to Voldemort. I know, James. You've said it so many times I can repeat it word for fucking word. What? Are you hoping that if you say it enough, it'll be true?" Lupin was shaking with anger. "Because the truth is that someone would. Someone is."_

_James remained calm. "Remus, if this is about what Meadows said-"_

_Lupin rolled his eyes. "I don't care what Dorcus sodding Meadows says about me. Let her believe what she wants. Never mind the fact that I've saved her decidedly huge arse on numerous occasions. I don't care."_

_James bit his lip. "Look, it's obviously a bad time. I'll come back soon."_

_Lupin sighed softly. "What's the point? What do you want?"_

_He turned to Lupin and in his eyes was defeat - defeat and melancholy longing. "I want to go back to being how we were. I want to be back at school. I want to be James and Remus. I don't want to be an Auror and a Werewolf. I don't want a war. I don't want an Order. I just want us to be four friends again. Is that honestly too much to ask?"_

_Lupin smiled sadly. "You think I don't want that too? Life's just not that simple anymore."_

"_But it could be. What if we left it? What if we all just hid ourselves away and-"_

"_And what? And wait for it all to blow over? And wait for Voldemort to just give up because he's had a bad day?"_

_The room seemed so much smaller, as though the walls were closing in on them. The heat radiating from the AGA was intolerable._

"_You're my best mate, Moony. I know I wind Wormtail up, and I do crazy, illegal stuff with Padfoot and Muggle electrics, but you and me, we do things together. I read the books you talk about so I can discuss things with you. I eat all your experimental desserts. There's a friend for every side of me, Remus. I mean, when he grows up, I'll probably develop a nice new personality for Harry to be mates with-"_

_Lupin smiled wryly. "-until he turns thirteen when you will be a knob. And not just any knob. You will be the knob who has to live vicariously through him."_

_James laughed. "There. See? That's the you I made friends with. You don't get it. If you bugger off, the side of me that vaguely pulls off being an intellectual buggers off with you. I don't want that, Moony. If you go, who's going to make cupcakes for when I'm feeling low and want us all to watch musicals?"_

_Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Not me. Whatever happens, that person won't be me."_

_James grinned at him. "And who will watch old-school Hollywood with me?" He sighed, suddenly serious. "It's not you. I know it's not you. I've known you ten years nearly. I've known Meadows ten weeks. No contest, mate."_

_Lupin nodded. "Come here."_

_CLICK!_

"_Have a brownie and stop talking about imminent death. It's doing my nut in. I'm bored of it, frankly."_

_James took a swig from the glass of Firewhiskey left out on the table. "Remember when you slapped Mulciber with a tree?"_

"_Remember when you went round telling all the girls to call Pad Snuffles?"_

"_Remember when you walked in on Peter?"_

_Lupin shuddered. "With disturbing clarity."_

"_Are you sure it was only oral?"_

_Lupin made a face. "I don't want my brownie anymore."_


	39. In which Sirius babysits

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Now that my NaNo's over (50,108 words), I promised you something cheery and here it is.**

"I wouldn't have thought he was a knob."

Briefly, Lupin and Sirius met one another's eyes and stifled laughter.

"Yes, you would've."

Harry took one final look at his father taking Lupin's unfinished brownie, smiled sadly, and moved it to the back of the pile. His smile became soft and his eyes glazed over, watching himself as a baby in the surprisingly capable looking care of his godfather who was sending a stream of interestingly coloured bubbles out of the tip of his wand.

"Proof," said Lupin, "that children ought never cross your mind."

Sirius made a face. "Spoilsport. I was brilliant with Harry."

"Sirius, you once spent an entire afternoon trying to get him to say 'shit'."

_1980_

_Lupin collapsed into his favourite chair. "You will not believe the day I've had."_

_James winced. "Sorry about this, but Sirius really wanted to do it."_

_Sirius grinned at him._

"_And Lily thought there should be an adult around."_

_Lupin rolled his eyes, but evidently agreed, and the conversation returned to the upcoming Christmas eve._

"_I thought maybe we'd go ice skating," said Sirius. "She's really good at it so I thought it would be an excellent excuse to cling to her for a couple of hours."_

_Electra, the alleged epitome of grace, would most certainly have a different view of this plan._

"_What are you getting her for Christmas?" James asked, still evidently uncertain what to buy his wife, having been caught up in buying for Harry._

"_Knowing Sirius," muttered Lupin, knowing he was skating on thin ice, "pregnant."_

_James laughed and Sirius only raised his eyebrows and kept his answer to himself._

"_Right," said Lily, standing in the doorway, "he's asleep, so try to be quiet." She aimed this at Sirius and addressed Lupin solely as she ran through the finer points of babysitting. "If he wakes up, go to him and just hold him for a bit and talk to him. He should drop straight off. There's milk in the kitchen when he gets hungry, and the rest of his things are in the nursery. You should be fine. If you have any problems-"_

_James sighed. "Lil, table's booked for eight."_

"_All right, all right. I can't help it. I've never left him for this long before." She met Lupin's eyes. "You will look after them, won't you?"_

"_Mrs. Potter, I will guard your son from this man with my life."_

_And as soon as the Potters closed the door behind them, both Lupin and Sirius found themselves faced with a wailing child who seemed to know his mother would be gone for quite some time._

"_We'd better go up."_

_Hearing them on the stairs, Harry had fallen silent and, peering through the bars of his crib, giggled._

"_Yeah, you can laugh now," said Sirius, reaching in and taking him into his arms, "but scare me like that again and I'll set Uncle Moony on you. He's crabby tonight."_

"_I'm not crabby."_

_Ignoring him, Sirius returned his attentions to Harry. "Are you hungry?"_

"_If he was hungry, he'd still be crying. He was probably woken up by the door slamming in the wind. Pass him here." _

_Sirius frowned. "I can get him off to sleep perfectly well, thank you."_

_Lupin raised his eyebrows, evidently dubious. "No, you keep exciting him."_

"_I know it's a difficult concept for you to grasp, Remus, but sometimes excitement is a good thing."_

"_Agreed. Though not when you're trying to put a baby to bed."_

"_You do it then, smart-arse." Sirius handed the baby over to Lupin who cradled him against his jumper, immediately calming Harry. "Oh, screw you."_

_Lupin laughed breathily and, his arms now numb, placed Harry back into his cot. "Okay, now here's what we do," he whispered. "Do not even breathe too hard. Walk backwards really slowly and leave the door open. I've done this before with him."_

_Having reached the safety of the living room without hearing a sound from the nursery, Sirius collapsed back into the orange armchair he had recently vacated. "Well, that was easy. I could do this all the time."_

_Not wishing to provoke an argument, Lupin made no comment. "Tea?"_

"_Don't fancy tea." Sirius bounded out of the chair with an energy Lupin didn't think he could muster. "What have they got in here then?" he asked, directing the question to no-one in particular as he leant against an antique cabinet._

"_You can't just go into someone's house and snoop through it while they're out."_

_Sirius sighed. "Remus, do you know nothing of babysitting etiquette? It's called Sitter's Privilege." He opened the drinks cabinet and rifled through it. "Besides, it's James. What's he got that I don't know about?"_

"_A fetish, perhaps."_

_Sirius laughed. "Not when he's married to Lily. She doesn't look like she'd be up for the sort of thing Prongs would fancy getting up to."_

_Forced to agree, Lupin changed tack. "I'd be pretty pissed off if you went rifling through my cabinets."_

_Sirius nodded. "That's why I wait for you to go out."_

"_And once you get started with alcohol, you don't stop. They'll notice it's missing."_

_Sirius made a face. "Come on, Moony. One little whiskey."_

_Lupin raised his eyebrows. "You and I both know that I can't handle one little whiskey."_

"_Damn right," said Sirius, casually pouring himself a large glass. "It might loosen you up."_

"_You sound like you're plying me for date rape."_

_Sirius winked. "I haven't ruled it out."_

_Lupin flung a burnt orange cushion at him. "Sod off."_

_Their laughter didn't last long, interrupted by Harry's cries._

"_Go on then, Ms. Poppins. See to him."_

_Lupin rolled his eyes but complied, bringing Harry with him on his return, and handing him to his godfather who was somewhat alarmed to find him still crying at a pitch he was sure only dogs ought to hear._

"_What's the matter?"_

"_Where the fuck is the milk?"_

_Sirius held Harry at arms length. "Kitchen."_

"_Yes," snapped Lupin, standing in the doorway and gripping the frame so hard that his knuckles turned white, "I gathered that much."_

"_Fridge. That's where I keep my milk."_

_Lupin wanted to remind him that the milk was always left out in the heat and it was always left to him to put it back, but thought that now was hardly the time. "I've looked there. I don't know whether she's left her milk, or cow's milk, or powder, or…or what." _

"_Um…cow's milk. It'll have to be cow's milk."_

_Lupin breathed a sigh of relief. "Glad you agree."_

_Harry wailed at a higher pitch and Sirius winced. "And for Merlin's sake, hurry up."_

_Crisis averted, having found milk and an empty bottle, Lupin had now relaxed into a state of tranquility Sirius rarely saw him in. He was sure Remus was neurotic._

_Neurotic or not, he was superb with Harry, holding him properly, talking to him, and beaming down at him._

"_Have you ever thought of being a dad?"_

_Lupin looked up suddenly, as though shocked to find Sirius sitting on the other side of the coffee table. "Don't be stupid." The thought that if Anna's baby had survived, he would have been doing this for so long that it would be second nature had never left him. He thought about being a dad every night when insomnia crept up on him, but he would be damned before he admitted it. "Me? A father? That's a laugh."_

_Sirius frowned. "Why?"_

_Not in the mood to argue about Lycanthropy, Lupin attempted a smile. "I have a hard enough time looking after you, let alone a baby."_

"_Fair enough."_

_They fell into a companionable silence until Lupin asked, "Have you?"_

_Sirius shrugged. "Electra wants one."_

_Lupin's eyebrows shot up. "Now?"_

"_Well not right this minute, obviously."_

"_You knew what I meant."_

_Sirius smiled. "I love to wind you up. It never gets old."_

"_Here." Lupin passed Harry over the coffee table. "I need tea. Do you want a cup or are you okay stealing your best mate's whiskey?"_

"_Yeah, better have tea from now on if you're leaving me in charge of a baby." As soon as Lupin left the room, he pulled out his wand. "Do you want to see something cool?" he whispered to Harry._

"_Was it one sugar or two?"_

_Brightly coloured bubbles spurted from the end of Sirius' wand and Harry stared at them, transfixed, and beamed._

_CLICK!_

"_You know, if he was a bit tidier, he could be yours."_

_Sirius laughed. "Stop picking on my godson."_


	40. In which Peter has a narrow escape

**Disclaimer: See prologue**

"What happened to the baby?"

Sirius shook his head. "I didn't even know she was pregnant until I got out of Azkaban."

Lupin addressed the carpet. "It was part of her Death Eater work. I did things that night that I'm not proud of."

Harry frowned. "What-what did you do?" Mild mannered, accepting, and mischievous all his life, Lupin didn't seem the sort to turn on his own friends or kill another human being. Harry tried to soothe himself with logical thought, but it didn't seem to be having any positive effects.

"I shared information with the enemy, I once again removed my spine, and I saved the life of a known Death Eater in front of Voldemort himself. I was an idiot. The very worst kind."

_November 1978_

_It was freezing. Since joining Dumbledore's Order, he had had nothing useful or interesting to do, and Lupin resented the fact that his Auror friends were off achieving daring successes while he sat in a poky little wooden hut on a freezing late November night, unable to do anything except sit in the darkness and wait._

_He shivered and froze, feeling hot breath on the back of his neck._

"_Lumos."_

_His wand lit up her face, rosy and radiant with pregnancy. Her chocolate coloured curls tumbled attractively - not as wild as Bellatrix's - reaching her waist and her eyes lit up at the sight of him._

"_Remus!"_

_He tried to ignore her Death Eater robes. "Anna."_

"_I'm so glad it's you. I thought maybe…never mind. At least we can keep each other company."_

_She smiled, but Lupin's face remained stony and unreadable._

"_What are you doing here?"_

_Anna settled herself on the wooden chair provided beside the window, charmed by Lupin so that no-one could see inside and catch him peering at them going about their suspicious business._

"_The Dark Lord thinks that a Mr. Aleksandrov might be working for you. My boyfriend sent me here to watch for him so I couldn't get into trouble. So is he?"_

_Lupin laughed bitterly. "I'm here to find out if he's one of you."_

_Anna frowned. "What's he doing then? He's snooping round us all the time. Avery spent the day following him the other week and they had a fifteen minute conversation about Beadle the Bard."_

_Lupin shook his head. "He sounds like something of an eccentric."_

"_Does he live here?" asked Anna, peering into the gloom. "It's so cold and lonely."_

_Lupin shrugged. "Maybe that's how he likes it."_

"_Maybe." Anna sighed. "When do you clock off then?"_

"_When he turns up and I get information out of him."_

"_We might be here a while then."_

_Lupin stared out into the raging storm. "We may indeed."_

"_Do you take this thing everywhere?" Anna held his camera up and inspected it._

"_Pretty much."_

"_Smile!"_

_She held it toward them and pressed the shutter._

_CLICK!_

_The Polaroid slid out and Lupin began to blow gently on it. Slowly, the image emerged. A happy Anna smiled and waved, and Lupin's chest did nothing but stand there._

"_Don't ever become a photographer."_

_Silence fell in the dark little hut, but it was warm and companionable. They shuffled closer to one another, sharing body-heat._

"_I'm glad it was you Dumbledore sent."_

_Lupin smiled wryly. "I'm glad it was you Voldemort sent."_

_Anna grinned. "Can you imagine if it was James and Snape?"_

_Lupin winced. "Only too clearly." He sighed irritably. "Annie, we're not still school children. We're adults and we're fucking around with the fate of our world."_

_Anna clicked her tongue. "Oh, for Christ's sake. Remus, will you take something seriously for once?" She laughed lightly, but grasped his hand, suddenly somber. "I know. I'm scared sometimes."_

"_You and me both."_

_Anna sniffed. "You're not scared of anything. I've never seen you scared in my life."_

_Lupin narrowed his eyes. "All right, Anna, let me ask you something. If you had a monster inside you that you had no control over, would you be terrified of it?"_

_She massaged his palm with her thumb. "You're not the only one with an unsavory little secret, Remus. I'm a sodding Death Eater. Don't talk to me about a monster I can't control. Unlike you, I live with mine every minute of every day, not just once or twice a month, and I never know when she's going to come out to play. She could come out right now and kill you where you stand."_

_Lupin pulled out his wand. "I'd like to see her try."_

_Anna laughed. "She couldn't do it to you. She knows she'd lose."_

_Lupin frowned. "You can't know that."_

"_You don't love her, Remus. You wouldn't hold back."_

_Lupin shook his head slowly. His voice was soft and weak. "I love you every waking moment."_

"_And I love you. I know I never acted like it, but I always have. I was always just so afraid of losing you. And my fear eventually did lose you." She allowed their lips to meet briefly. "But the other me…it's not that she doesn't love you, Remus. She doesn't love anybody. Only their blood."_

_Lupin laughed bitterly. "We have that in common."_

_Anna smiled sadly. "Can you imagine what the child will be like?"_

"_Not at all," Lupin admitted. "I wish you two every happiness. I shouldn't have kissed you. I'm sorry."_

_Anna frowned. "Don't be ridiculous. Why are you being like this?"_

"_Because every time we meet, this happens."_

"_Doesn't that tell you something?"_

_A flash of orange light exploded around them, temporarily blinding them both as they ran for the little door they were supposed to have been watching._

_CRASH!_

_Lupin kept running, feeling the heat of the flames lick at his skin, too used to heavy scarring to feel little more than a tingling sensation and a vague twinge of pain. He gulped fresh air and reveled in the crisp and bitter night wind._

"_Anna?"_

_He met the dark eyes, twinkling with malice. "No, I'm afraid not."_

"_Holy mother of Christ."_

_Voldemort smirked and watched the flames engulf the little wooden hut, idly._

"_Anna!"_

"_Oh, is she still in there? Pity. She was a pretty little thing, wasn't she? Had her uses too. She looked up one of your friends for me. It happens to be the reason I'm here."_

_Lupin gasped for breath and taking a particularly deep one as he turned on his heel and rushed through the fire. He reached the relative safety of the middle of the hut where the heat was less intense._

"_Anna? What the fuck?"_

_Anna whimpered and continued to sniffle._

"_Give me your hand."_

_She reached and offered him a hand slippery with blood. "I killed it. I killed it."_

_Lupin hissed in frustration and reached down to pick her up. Her robes were soaked with blood and she clutched at her stomach, groaning and weeping, even as she was laid upon the damp grass outside._

_Lupin knelt beside her. "What happened?"_

"_I fell on it."_

"_Why did you do that?"_

_Lupin turned. "You wouldn't understand."_

"_What's your name, spy?"_

_Lupin continued to soothe Anna who was white with fear. "Shh," he whispered. "It's all right. You're both going to be all right."_

"_I know why you're here."_

_Lupin continued to ignore him._

"_Mr. Aleksandrov has been unfortunately detained. Is that what Dumbledore wants you to find out?"_

"_I don't care."_

"_Dare you defy me?"_

_Lupin stood. "I'm not afraid of you. There's nothing you can do to me. You can't hurt me more than I do myself, and killing me would be doing me a serious favour, trust me."_

_Voldemort flicked his wand at Anna. "Crucio."_

_Anna screamed, bloodcurdling and ear piercing._

"_She's in enough fucking pain!"_

_Voldemort removed the curse. "You can tell Dumbledore that Aleksandrov is dead and then if I were you, I would avoid meeting me again. If I didn't want a message delivered, I'd kill you for sheer insolence."_

1995

"I'm not going to tell you the rest. It wasn't pretty and there are some things that I don't want to remember."

Harry gawped. "So…the baby?"

"Hugely injured by her fall. She was bleeding very heavily. Voldemort's curse finished it off." Lupin shuddered. "I'm sorry. There aren't many things I will keep from you, Harry, but that's one of them."

Sirius shook his head. "When we found out you'd pulled out a Death Eater, we thought you were the spy. Why didn't you explain?"

"Don't think I don't know that."

"Don't beat yourself up about it."

Would Voldemort have betrayed Peter as his informant, Harry wondered. It sounded as though he had a narrow escape. Though for that alone, he privately thought Lupin deserved to beat himself up about it, but said nothing having found a new respect for his former professor. He glanced down at the photograph, wondering how long it would be until Anna smiled again. It was eerie to watch her grinning and waving up at him. "How did she die?"

Lupin took a deep breath. "She lived through it. She was killed in February 1981."

"But how did she die?"

"Honourably."

And that was all he would say on the matter.


	41. In which James causes havoc

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Christmas is truly in the air. The Cocacola ad is on TV!**

"What's he doing?"

Harry stared disconcertedly at the photograph of his father surrounded by several small children wearing towels.

"Ah, he came to visit me at work," said Lupin, smiling fondly.

"Well, what were _you_ doing?" asked Harry, appalled.

Lupin laughed. "I was teaching drama if you must know. We were rehearsing for the St. Braithwaite's Annual Nativity."

"St. Braithwaite's?" Harry repeated. He was fairly sure it was a school that had been mentioned before Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon settled on Smelting's for their portly little cherub. "Isn't that a private school in London?"

Lupin nodded. "I had a contact who got me the job in with the infants. I wouldn't have been allowed anywhere near the secondary education end of the spectrum where what you teach actually matters. I ended up teaching drama to seven year olds."

"And my Dad, evidently."

Sirius snorted. "He looks like a right pervert."

And Harry, though loathe to do so, had to agree.

_December 1978_

"_Thus spake the Seraph and forthwith appeared a shining throng, Of angels praising God who thus-"_

_James peered around the door. "Am I disturbing you? You said to come at three."_

_Lupin glanced at his watch. "James, did you remember to put your watch back the hour?"_

_James Potter frowned. "No. When should I have done that?"_

_Lupin raised an eyebrow. "At the end of October. It's four now and I'm working."_

_James closed the door behind him. "It looks cool. Was that you singing?"_

_Lupin blushed. "Shut up."_

"_What are you working on?"_

"_The school play."_

_James' face lit up. "Really? That's amazing. What is it?"_

_Lupin glanced around the stable set at the choir of angels, at the several young boys draped in towels and carrying toy lambs, at the three kings who clutched their gifts nervously as though their teacher's visitor was about to steal them, at the little girl dressed all in blue peering into a manger at a surprisingly life-like doll. "It's _Guys and Dolls_, James."_

"_Sarcastic dick."_

_Lupin glared. "Language. If these kids go home and start calling things 'dicks', I will be personally executed by the Queen. These children grow up to be Prime Ministers."_

_James frowned. "All of them?"_

"_Shut up." He cleared his throat and turned back to his class. "Children, this is Mr. Potter. He is the…um…he's a talent scout."_

_At once the little girl playing Mary sat up straight and batted her eyelashes._

"_Can I help at all?" asked James. "I love acting."_

_Lupin, though dubious, nodded. "Here's the script. You can read in for the Inn Keeper. He's got chicken pox."_

_James began to scratch at his face and Lupin sighed, world-weary. _

"_The child, not the character."_

"_Oh…right. Sorry. Okay, um…"_

_Lupin began to direct twenty small children exceptionally well. Ever organised, he had assigned them all positions and they busily began to shift the set. _

_Lupin smirked. "Twenty innocent, sweetly stupid people to do my every bidding and you wondered why I wanted to be a teacher?" He clapped his hands together. "Well done. Okay, Mary and Joseph, positions please."_

_James grimaced. They were all taking this very seriously. "Right…where am I?"_

"_Page four," said Mary._

"_Okay…So…" He licked his dry lips. "Hello, young sir and madam."_

"_Have you any room?"_

"_No." He stared down at the page. "Do I have to sing this solo or not?"_

_Lupin grinned and shook his head. "I won't subject the children to that. Just carry on."_

_Joseph, downhearted, sighed sadly. "But my fiancée is heavy with child."_

"_I have a stable. It's not much, but it's warm." _

_Mary and Joseph plodded off to the stable and James made a face. "It's not really working, is it?"_

_Lupin smiled. "Can we do that again? Would you mind?"_

"_Have you any room?"_

_James leant on the little wooden door and Lupin winced as it creaked, but it held. _

"_Sure. Here are the keys for 109. Don't mind the noise. I've got some Shepherds in. They keep ordering pie on room service. Shall I park your donkey for you, sir?"_

_Lupin and three of the angels were in hysterics. Mary looked as though she had never been so outraged in her life._

_CLICK!_

"_Sir," said one of the Shepherds, "can we keep him?"_

_Lupin rolled his eyes. "Jacob will be wanting his part back."_

"_But, Sir, Jacob's a dick."_


	42. In which Peter is sensible

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Christmassy snow has turned to ice. So this is for my Sirius. May you always be as loveably stupid, you absolute ass.**

**A/N 2: Peter's mountain is Egg-loy-sill-an.**

"Er…what?"

Lupin's renowned poker face remained on top form. "Ask your godfather."

Sirius grinned. "Oh, stop bitching. It was funny."

"Excuse me, are we talking about the same event? I'm surprised I lived to tell the tale."

"Shouldn't have been drinking then, should you?"

"Shouldn't have let me then, should you?"

Harry raised an eyebrow and watched them bicker. He knew Sirius well enough by now, but he had always thought Lupin had far too much dignity to lower himself to this level.

_1978_

"_Moony!"_

_Lupin groaned. "What time is it?"_

_Sirius grinned. "You need hair of the dog and a decent fry up."_

_More groaning followed._

"_Get this down you."_

_Lupin knocked back the contents of the cup. It burned the back of his throat. "What was that?"_

"_Hair of the dog. I'm going to get you so plastered that you don't even know what a hangover is."_

_Lupin shook his head. "No, you're not. I have work to get to."_

"_Not in this weather, you don't." Sirius glanced down at his watch. "And it's four p.m. so it might be a bit late to show up now."_

"_WHAT?" Lupin threw off his blankets and leapt to his feet. "You let me sleep all day?"_

_Sirius shifted uncomfortably. "You looked so peaceful."_

"_Well, yeah. I will be after Mr. Perkins strangles me."_

_Sirius rolled his eyes. "Relax, babe."_

_Lupin glared. "If you keep calling me by disturbing pet-names, I will be forced to think you are coming onto me."_

_Sirius scoffed. "You wish. I checked on the radio. St. Brainwaves is closed."_

"_Braithwaite's."_

"_Whatever." He grinned. "So I suppose you'll need me to tire you out so you can sleep tonight?"_

_Lupin frowned. "After 'babe', I don't know what you've got planned, but count me out."_

_Sirius said nothing and turned to the coffee table which he proceeded to hold aloft as he snapped off all four wooden legs. He tucked the tabletop under one arm and headed toward the door, zipping himself into his leather jacket and turning to his flat-mate. _

"_Sirius, what the flying fuck?"_

_Sirius only threw his coat at him. "Come on. James is going to cuddle up on the sofa, but you, me, and Peter are going to have a boys' night out. Come on. Hurry up."_

"_You, me, Peter, and a broken table that belongs to my landlady, evidently."_

_Sirius clicked his tongue. "Live a little. I'll glue the damn things back on if I have to."_

* * *

_It was bitterly cold outside and Lupin wrapped his father's battered sheepskin coat around him, shoving his hands into his pockets._

"_Let's all link arms," said Peter, "and then we can Apparate together."_

_Sirius smirked. "You're just frightened of splinching yourself again."_

"_Piss off, Padfoot. You said you'd stop bringing that up."_

_Sirius grinned. "Get over here then. Neither of you know where we're off to anyway. It's a surprise."_

_Lupin smiled wryly and raised an eyebrow. "You and the table have had this planned for some time, have you?"_

"_Yeah, Moony. We wait for you to leave and then we get our maps out."_

_They wound up atop a lonely and dangerously high hill covered in fractions of snow and lethal ice._

"_Is this a joke?" asked Lupin, peering down at the treacherous path down into the valley._

"_Ooh!" cried Peter. "I can see my house."_

"_It might be the last time you do," muttered Lupin under his breath. "Sirius, this is a bloody mountain."_

"_It's not," Sirius protested. "It's just a tall hill."_

"_No, it's a mountain" Peter corrected him. "We call it Eglwysilan."_

_Sirius rolled his eyes. "Leave it to the Welsh to spoil everything."_

"_We don't spoil things," said Peter. "What have we spoiled?"_

"_English," said Sirius. "You lot ruined our language. I'm bad in bed under the doctor? I'd be very worried if you all were."_

"_You lot forced it on us," snapped Peter._

"_And bad," he said, continuing to rant as though Peter was not getting angrier by the second. "Why do you all do a sheep impression in the middle? It's bad, not baaaaaard."_

_Lupin sighed. "Drop it."_

"_Yeah, Paddy. Drop it like a good boy."_

_Sirius smirked. "If you don't shut up, Wormtail, I'll put you on this sled and push you down on your own."_

"_Sled?" shrieked Lupin, at a pitch two octaves above his usual voice. "You want to slide down a mountain on top of our coffee table?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Cool."_

_Sirius did a spectacular double-take. "What did you just say?"_

"_It's cool."_

_Peter paled. "It's awfully high, boys. I think it's not such a good idea."_

_Lupin tossed him his camera. "Stay here and take pictures then. Meet you at the bottom. Apparate down."_

_Peter dithered helplessly as his two friends settled themselves on the flimsy piece of wood. "Remus, you've gone mad. Stop it. You've let it go too far now."_

"_Coming, Pete?"_

"_Remus, stop it! It's not funny! You'll die!"_

"_Peter, ever heard of a little thing called magic?" asked Sirius. "Of course we're not going to die. No-one's going to die. Chill out. Now, are you coming or not?"_

_Peter recoiled. "Of course not."_

"_See you then."_

_The tabletop slid over the edge and was immediately caught on a frozen molehill, sending its occupants hurtling down the side of the mountain until they hit a fence._

_CLICK!_

"_What did I tell you?"_

"_Bugger off, Know-it-all!" _


	43. In which Lupin makes a discovery

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: I'm back and hoping to finish this by the end of the month. I'm toying with writing the third box of Lupin's photographs but that's still only a little nagging in the back of my mind so don't quote me on it.**

**A/N: And if anyone wonders how they could go so long without realising Snoep was a man, I ask you to watch Roger Taylor in the video for 'I want to break free'.**

"You went sledding?"

Lupin nodded. "I honestly couldn't have told you what possessed me to get on that tabletop. I still can't now. I think maybe I didn't want to be a wet blanket anymore."

"You've done stranger things, Remus," said Sirius, smirking. "Much stranger things. And I wasn't even there for the worst one so don't even think about blaming me."

Lupin frowned. "Don't you dare show him that one."

Harry's eyes lit up. "Worst one?"

Sirius handed him a photograph, depicting the four Marauders sitting around a table in a Dutch pub - if the signs were any indication.

"You _are_ there," protested Harry, pointing at a grinning Sirius who was practically forcing whiskey down Peter's throat, tilting the bottle up and pouring it as Peter's eyes grew wider and he appeared to slowly change colour.

Sirius smiled the same - frankly alarming - smile. "For the time being. Listen, Harry, there are only three things our Moony is afraid of; the moon, the Dutch, and nipple tassels."

"Four," Lupin corrected. "You forgot nuns."

Sirius grinned. "How could I? _Sister Act_ reaches whole new levels when you watch it with Remus."

"Candy," said Harry. "You're afraid of Candy." He grinned as Lupin sighed. "That was the Dutch man's name, wasn't it?"

Lupin nodded. "To think we only picked him up because we thought he was going to be no match for a man who wanted to take advantage."

Sirius laughed. "Yes, and that man's name was Remus Lupin."

"Touché."

_1979_

_It was unfortunate that Lupin had a tendency to make a complete fool of himself around pretty women. He sat stoically still, his hands clasped together and sitting firmly in his lap. He had grown his hair long and allowed it to fall in his face to cover his emerging blush._

_Luckily, James was too busy watching Sirius's apparent attempt to drown Peter in whiskey to notice._

"_Moony?"_

_He turned to Snoep and blinked furiously. "Yes?"_

"_Moony," she said, her tone speculative, "what does your name mean? You have all such strange names." She smiled warmly and a little part of Lupin melted._

"_Moony?" He stalled for time, breathing heavily. What the hell, he thought. She probably wouldn't understand, or she'd think he was drunk. "They call me that because I'm a werewolf." It felt strangely good to tell someone else that as though he was telling them that he had just bought a round of drinks._

_James slapped him around the back of the head, not taking his eyes off Peter who was now so purple that he was doing an excellent impression of an aubergine. "Shut up, Moony. You know what happened last time when you told everyone you were a vampire." He reached into Lupin's old school bag and rummaged around in it. "He's part Native American. Moony is Native American for er…" He pulled out the camera. "It means 'Runs with Kodak.'"_

_Snoep smiled and nodded. "Oh, you are all so awful interesting."_

_Peter pushed the bottle away and tipped whiskey down his AC/DC t-shirt, which he stared at in horror. "It's ruined."_

_Sirius clicked his tongue. "Don't be so melodramatic. I'll buy you a new one."_

_Snoep picked up the camera and Lupin became terribly twitchy, reaching out for it constantly with a pained expression as though she had snatched his toddler._

"_How does this work?"_

_Lupin edged nearer and Snoep batted her eyelashes. "Would you to show me please?"_

"_Of course." He beamed, pleased to have found someone else even vaguely interested in his hobby. "This is the shutter. That's what moves when you take the picture. This button here is the shutter-release. You press that down and the camera should flash. Why don't you have a go?"_

_Three young men smiled at the camera, while Peter had a bottle rammed down his throat and gulped back more amber liquid that made his throat burn and his eyes hurt._

_CLICK!_

_Snoep sat down and Sirius removed the whiskey bottle. _

"_Come on, Wormy, you have to admit, it was pretty funny."_

_Peter merely looked at him._

"_Why Wormy?" asked Snoep. "What a strange name. Are you also Native American?"_

_Peter gestured toward his brilliant blonde hair and extremely pale blue eyes. "Do I look it?"_

_Snoep blushed. "Sorry, sir."_

_James laughed. "Sir? You don't have to call Wormtail sir!"_

_Peter glowered, but this was not noticed by anyone as the bell above the bar rang, calling time._

"_Well, I suppose we'd better find somewhere to spend the night."_

"_Rooms upstairs," said Snoep pointing at the ceiling. "Only one, but we could all share. You split the price then."_

"_No," said James, "we were thinking of trying to get home. Thanks um…what did you say your name was?"_

"_Snoep."_

"_Yeah…that. Thanks. It's been a real slice."_

_She tried a different tactic and sidled up to Lupin. "It will be cold. You frail looking." She dipped her head and peered up at him through her eyelashes. "Perhaps you should stay in warm bed tonight. I also need to. Though I don't have any money."_

_Lupin tried to wet his dry lips without appearing to lick them. "Perhaps, yes." He cleared his throat. "Look, why don't we all get that room?"_

_Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Are you saying you want to spend the night with her?"_

_Lupin shifted his weight to his right leg and snaked his left arm behind his neck. "Well, she's stuck. We don't really owe her any money and she says she doesn't have any."_

"_A gentleman," said Peter, "would pay for her and come away."_

"_Peter," said James, sighing, "if you were chatting a bloke up all night and asked him to spend the night with you when it was fairly obvious he fancied you, would you be put out when he paid for the room and buggered off?"_

_Peter gawped. "This is different! She's a hooker."_

_Snoep held her head high. "I am not safe alone at night."_

"_So really," stammered Lupin, "a gentleman pays for the room and spends the night on the floor."_

_Peter raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips. "When you wake up in the morning with Chlamydia, don't come crying to me."_

"_I didn't know you could catch Chlamydia from floorboards," said Lupin, dryly. _

"_Remus, if you sleep on the floor, I will eat my own owl."_

_Lupin met his eyes. "Is that a wager you're proposing?"_

_James stepped in. "Remus, leave it. Pete, let it drop, all right? Remus is a Catholic anyway."_

_Peter began to count on his fingers. "Anna Lovett, Gemini Costello, Dutch Harlot…"_

_Lupin shrugged. "Okay, maybe I do fancy her…just a bit, but I'm not paying for sex. I'm not that desperate."_

_Peter nodded. "All right. I just wonder how you can drop Gemini Costello - Worcestershire's answer to Helen of Troy - for a woman who looks like a pig in a wig."_

"_I do not!"_

_Peter, having evidently forgotten that the pig in a wig was standing behind him, froze. "All right, see you in the morning. Have a lovely evening."_

_Had all four of them been less drunk, they would not have dreamed of parting for an instant. Nor would the three remaining Marauders partially or wholly remove their clothes and collapse on a public green beside a tramp._

_Remus Lupin certainly would not have ascended to the second floor with a woman who in harsh light plainly had an Adam's Apple._

_He settled onto the floor boards and was not woken until three o'clock when Snoep shook him and lead him in the darkness to bed because, "It is very so cold."_

_Once there, his head having hit a soft pillow, he immediately resumed slumber and left his bedfellow feeling more than slightly put-out._

1995

"And what happened then?"

"Nothing happened," said Lupin with a tone of finality. "I woke up and found out she was a man and she offered to pay for the room. All's well that ends well."

Sirius laughed. "Well, not for Peter's owl."


	44. In which Sirius fixes

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: The last of the photographs. The epilogues are next and they'll be rather depressing. So it's funerals galore though it's a nice easy one to break you in…**

"You didn't really make him eat it?"

Sirius frowned. "Please don't tell me you feel sorry for him."

"Not Pettigrew," said Harry. "His owl."

Sirius laughed. "Of course we didn't. We couldn't catch it."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "Stop suggesting you had any intention of making him eat the poor little thing."

"Yeah, I'll admit it," said Sirius. "Though wouldn't it be great if we had gotten him to eat his own leg? I'd like to see him scamper off then. In fact, there you go. You're always saying you have nothing to do on Saturday nights. Why don't you arrange a catch-up with Peg-Leg Pete?"

Lupin looked as though he would rather shove a wasps nest down his corduroys.

"Go on. See if you can't hack it off."

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "With what?"

"Chainsaw."

He nodded sarcastically. "That's very conspicuous, Sirius. 'Excuse me, Wormtail, would you mind looking the other way while I fire up my weapon?' Besides, this isn't the Teddington Chainsaw Massacre."

"You weren't quite so moral when you were talking about Travers, were you?"

Harry frowned. "What did you do to Travers?"

Lupin smirked. It looked out of place on his lips - as though his expression had been warped. Harry, unused to such a smile on the lips of anyone but Snape, almost physically recoiled.

"I gave him injuries he will never fully cure, scars that will fully heal, and nightmares that will never fully leave him." His smirk vanished. "But that's irrelevant."

Deciding he really did not want to know, Harry picked up the next photograph, too used to Ron and Hermione to be worried by their constant bickering.

_July 17th__ 1978_

"_That's why it's called a wake," said Lupin, yawning. "It's Catholic tradition. The wake is the vigil."_

_James shivered. "I just don't like sitting here all night beside an open coffin."_

"_You don't have to."_

"_No, Remus, you have to and if you think I'm leaving you here on your own, you've got another bloody think coming."_

_James knew that it had been arranged for the dead man to look that way, but it almost looked as though John Lupin was sleeping in a very unorthodox manner. Though he could never say it aloud, he had to admit that even in death, the man had serious style and wore a suit better than anyone he had met._

"_I'm not alone."_

"_Well, it pains me to say it, but I think we can discount your father as company, Remus."_

_Lupin pinched the bridge of his nose, a quirk that James now recognised as a sure sign of fatigue, and released it, running his hand over his jaw line that was now covered in stubble as a mark of respect - an Italian tradition that James was fascinated by._

"_I always thought it was an Al Capone thing," he said, nodding toward Lupin's developing facial hair._

"_And with a name like Capone, where do you think he came from, James?" Lupin smiled grimly. "My mother's uncle keeps a diary that could be the next installment of The Godfather."_

_Looking at Lupin, despite his now mousy-brown hair and pale complexion, it was rather easy to believe that his Sicilian great-uncle was strapping concrete blocks to the feet of all those who irked him. James vowed not to get on the wrong side of Remus ever again._

"_So," he asked, nervously, "do you see much of him?"_

_Lupin shook his head. "No-one does. The whole family disinherited my grandmother when she married Colbert. The only one he sees is Jane because she's a nun. Christ, she'd better not be at the funeral."_

_James frowned. "Jane?"_

"_My mother's sister." He shuddered. "If she's got the nerve to even come to the wake, I'll kill her."_

"_Remus, you can't kill a nun."_

_Lupin laughed bitterly. "Watch me." He sighed. "I don't think I'll go anyway. I can't stand people drinking and laughing and talking about him like they knew him."_

_James smiled. "It'll be okay. If she and your Dad didn't get on, she won't come."_

_Lupin's lip curled in disgust. "That's precisely why she will come. She knows it'll get to me and she hates me even more than she hates him. Hated; even more than she hated him."_

"_She doesn't sound like much of a nun."_

_Lupin smirked. "She only took her vows so she had an excuse for being a sexless old bag." He nodded toward his father's casket. "He always said that. My mother would have a fit, but that was half the fun for him."_

_James grinned. "Yeah, sounds like your old man."_

_Silence._

_And a whisper, "I miss him."

* * *

_

_August 3__rd__ 1978_

_London was busy; too busy for Lupin's liking. Crowds made him edgy and unnerved him a little. Crowds jostled; and jostling usually meant pressure on bruising. He barely noticed the crowds as he trudged through the streets to James' too-big-to-be-allowed home in the north of Fulham._

_Hits of The Witch Hunters were blaring from inside the garage and Lupin headed there first, thinking that Sirius would be easier to face than James. Sirius never wanted to talk about feelings or losses. _

"_Hi."_

_Lupin thought he would not be heard over the sounds of electric guitar, but Sirius threw down both his wand and spanner and rushed over to him._

"_Where the hell have you been?"_

"_Around. Home mostly. My mother needs me."_

_Sirius wiped his oily hands on his knees and turned down the radio. "Are you okay?"_

_Lupin nodded unconvincingly. "Yeah. I'm getting better."_

"_No you're not. You never could lie, could you? Come on. Come and sit down." He threw several books (one of which Lupin knew had been stolen from Madam Pince at Hogwarts - though how Sirius had done it, he thought, was a story worth hearing) from the seat of a garden chair and directed Lupin to sit on it._

"_How's your Mum?" He perched himself on the seat of the bike, sitting side-saddle._

_Lupin shrugged. "She doesn't understand. She doesn't understand why I was bitten. She doesn't understand why her husband was murdered. So yeah, she's feeling like shit and she's not getting any better. If anything, she's getting worse. It's like watching her go mad."_

_Sirius frowned. "He was ill for ages, Remus. She-"_

"_He was thirty-eight," snapped Lupin. "Travers shoved something on him and I don't know what it was, but it shut down his brain. Toward the end, he couldn't even be left alone in the house. Thirty-eight."_

_Sirius bit his lip. "Remus, I don't know what to say. There's nothing I can say to make you feel any better."_

"_No, I know." Lupin smiled grimly. "I'm just not used to not being woken up by him singing in the shower, or him not making his fourth cup of tea when I come down for breakfast, or not having to race for the paper in the morning. Stupid things. I miss him, but I think I miss all the things I hated about him more than anything else. I'd give anything, Sirius. I'd give anything at all to go home and find him hurling abuse at the cat and telling me to cut my hair."_

_Sirius winced. "I don't understand, Remus. You know I don't. There's nothing I can say because I don't know what you're going through. I never will. I used to wish for a Dad. I used to want your home life. Even when your old man hated me, I used to wish he would like me. I miss him too, just not in the same way. I miss the way when any of us had a problem, you'd write to him and he'd send back some totally inappropriate piece of advice that could have ended with us being arrested."_

_Lupin laughed weakly. "I hated him for it. I always wanted a father I could go to when I needed advice. Dad's idea of advice was 'Don't eat yellow snow'. I could have killed him."_

_Sirius glanced at his watch. "What time do you need to get back?"_

_Lupin scoffed. "Pad, I'm eighteen. No-one is going to ground me if I'm not back by nightfall."_

"_Okay, well why don't you stick around for a bit while I get back to work and then we'll take this thing out."_

_Lupin blinked. "What have you done to it?"_

_Sirius met his gaze, acting the wide-eyed innocent. "Just touched it up."_

"_With a wand?"_

_Sirius smirked. "I've made it better. James is in the attic. Go straight up. He won't mind."_

_It was just past ten o'clock, after Lupin had helped James sort through box after box of things he had kept in his parents' home since he was a small child for several hours, when Sirius deemed it dark enough to go out._

"_Are you embarrassed to be seen with me, is that it?" asked Lupin, without a trace of his usual sarcasm._

"_Don't be stupid, Remus. Just get on it."_

_Lupin approached the gleaming black body of the bike as one might approach a guillotine. _

"_Hop on then. Hurry up. We haven't got all night."_

"_I don't see why we couldn't have done this this afternoon."_

_Sirius flung a helmet at him, hoping it would drown out his protests. "I couldn't let the Muggles see."_

"_Couldn't let the Muggles see what?"_

_Sirius smirked and turned the key in the ignition. The bike roared into life and Lupin's arms wrapped instinctively around Sirius' shoulders, clinging on for dear life as it rose into the air by first a few inches, which at the speed Sirius liked to drive, became miles too quickly for Lupin's liking._

"_What the hell is this?"_

"_It's a flying motorbike, Moony."_

_At high altitudes, Lupin's easy sarcasm deserted him. "You bastard."_

_CLICK!_

"_Has James got my camera?"_

"_Either that or his leg just broke pretty badly."_

"_If he's taking photographs of me like this, I'm going to kill him. I swear, I will kill him."_

_Sirius laughed. "You're not capable of killing a fly, Moony."_

"_Let me down!"_

"_Nope."_

"_Let me down!"_

"_No. Not so you can kill my best friend. I'll drive over the Bristol Channel and push you into it."_

_Lupin's arms tightened around Sirius. "Don't you dare."_

"_If you don't let go, we'll crash anyway. I can't fucking breathe here!"_

_Lupin refused, muttering a string of profanities Sirius recognised from the lips of Mrs. Lupin. _

"_Shit! Fuck! Buggeration! Mother of God! Shit! Fuck! Buggeration!"_

"_Moony, let me breathe!"_

_Lupin relented and clutched at Sirius' arms. "You're not dropping me. How high are we?"_

"_Not high enough."_

_Sirius accelerated and the bike rose higher. _

"_Glory be to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be. World without end. Amen."_

"_Remus, if you want to be closer to God, I can take you there."_

"_Piss off."_

_Sirius laughed. "Do you want to get down?"_

"_Wherever might you get that impression?"_

_The bike descended into a little field and landed with a soft bump that made Lupin wince and shift awkwardly in the seat._

"_You okay?"_

"_Fucking dandy." Lupin took a deep breath and peered into the darkness. "Where are we?"_

_Sirius shrugged. "I'm fucked if I know."_

"_That's handy. Which way were you flying?"_

_Again, Sirius only shrugged._

"_Oh, well isn't this fantastic?" Lupin sighed. "Remind me never - and I mean never - to go anywhere with you ever again."_

"_Moony, you don't mean that." He grinned. "I'd be lonely."_

_Lupin raised his eyebrows. "You cannot comprehend the enormity of the fuck I do not give." He froze and pulled out his wand._

"_Remus, what is it?"_

_Sirius, not entirely sure whether Lupin was winding him up, reached for his and clutched it in his hands. He was unsure whether this was an elaborate joke or an attempt to duel him. Neither offered happy outcomes. _

_Worse, Lupin's senses were second to none. He could practically see in the dark and terror had chilled Sirius' blood at the thought that his friend might be able to hear something he couldn't._

_Lupin whipped round, wand in hand. "Put your hands in the air!"_

_The offending sheep stared dumbly back at him and Sirius punched him in the arm._

"_Dickhead. I was scared shitless."_

_Lupin frowned. "I didn't hear a sheep. I heard footsteps."_

_A pair of cold eyes glinted in the darkness._

"_Lovely evening," said Sirius. "May I ask where we are?"_

_Lupin noted the presence of a rifle and tried not to roll his eyes. "Hello. We're a bit lost."_

"_What are you doing in my field?"_

_Sirius gestured to the bike. "Moonlit picnic."_

_Lupin winced. "Excuse us. Just a second." He led Sirius further away and hissed, "Do you know what that is in his hands? It's a gun. It will kill you if he points it at you. Stop taking the piss and let me do the talking."_

"_Stop growling at me, Moony. You're frightening the sheep."_

_Lupin glared at him and returned to the tweed clad landowner. "Um…we broke down. Which way to Fulham?"_

"_That's in London."_

"_Yes," said Sirius, "we know that. Which way?"_

"_How did you get here from London?"_

_Sirius climbed on the bike and reached for his keys. "We walked. Remus, get on. I'll figure it out."_

"_Sorry," said Lupin, doing as he was told._

"_Shall we take a lamb back for Peter?"_

"_Shut up. Never," said Lupin as the bike roared into life, "expect me to leave the house again if you are involved in the venture."_

"_It helped you forget about your old man for a bit, didn't it?"_

_Lupin said nothing, only too aware that this was true.

* * *

_

_James handed Lupin his camera. "Where the hell have you been?"_

_Lupin merely looked at him and said, "Ask Sirius."_

"_Prongs! Come on! Your turn!"_

_James paled and Lupin smiled wryly. _

"_Enjoy," he said, nursing his camera as though it were a child he thought he would never see again._

"_Come on, Jamie! Are you coming or not?"_

_James met Lupin's eyes. "Tell Lily I love her and I want a fancy funeral with 'Staying Alive' playing, all right? Thanks, Remus. I owe you one."_

_Lupin laughed. "Don't put me through another bloody funeral."_

_James grinned. "Wouldn't dream of it. You're not getting rid of me that easily."_


	45. 1981: James Potter

**Disclaimer: See Prologue  
A/N: It is a super fast update, but guess who's feeling miserable? So this poured out and I think it helped a bit. It now sounds like emotional blackmail, but reviews are love. Thanks ever so much everyone who reviewed the last one. It feels like the end of an era with all those photographs written about. **

_November 1981_

Lupin sucked in a breath and forced himself to close his eyes and forget where he was and why he was here.

"I believe in God," he said, reciting from memory the Apostle's Creed.

It shocked him how false this statement was. No God would snatch the lives of two remarkably young people. No God would abandon their son to such people as the Dursleys. No God would leave him with only twitchy little Peter, taking Sirius and James - the biggest personalities. It was a terrible thought, but he wouldn't miss Peter quite so much as he missed James and Sirius.

"I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, His only son, Our Lord; Who was conceived of the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended into Hell; the third day He rose again from the dead. He ascended into heaven, sitteth at the right hand of God, the Father Almighty, from thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting. Amen."

Lupin shook and finally addressed the large crowd of people, all dressed in a myriad of colour. Dumbledore in particular, he thought, had gone all out in orange. He clashed furiously beside the emerald clad McGonagall.

"I…er…I asked you all not to wear black today. It was a colour that washed James out and he never liked it. Besides, in light of what the recent tragedy has done for the world, black did not seem an appropriate colour. Most importantly, he wouldn't have wanted a church full of weeping people. Last we talked about it, he wanted it to be a reflection on himself. He wanted people to laugh. I can't promise you the time of your life because frankly, I'm not having mine right now."

Peter (in crimson) whispered, "Remus, stop wittering."

It echoed around the church and a weak collective laugh followed. Lupin smiled grimly.

"Sorry. He wanted two things from death. He wanted to go out with a bang. I don't know whether he achieved this, but he will be remembered as a hero and that's a pretty good way to go. He also wanted the best funeral. He wanted everyone to talk about it for the rest of their lives. That's why I'm up here wearing sunshine yellow. Next time you see me, you won't be able to look me in the eyes and you'll have to suppress a smile. So I like to think you won't forget it in a hurry." He sniffed. "He's probably watching this and wishing a bolt of lightening would strike me to shut me up."

Peter nodded from the front row.

"Peter, stop agreeing with me. You're supposed to tell me I'm doing very well."

"I refuse to lie in church, Moony."

This produced the same half-hearted laughter. Lupin even managed a brief genuine smile.

"I don't do very well in funerals," he confessed. "In fact, at the last one, James had to drag me out before I started wailing in front of everyone present. When I refused to show up at the wake, James stayed with me and missed out on the cake and whiskey. That's who James was. He was self-sacrificing. He was fiercely loyal. Made all the more tragic by the fact that his most trusted friend was not."

Peter locked eyes with him and smiled sadly.

"James was always there for me. I could call round at four in the morning and James would make tea and pretend to listen as he slowly fell asleep. I remember one afternoon, I was bringing back a punch bowl that Lily had allowed me to borrow for a party, and I found him crying on the doorstep because Harry wouldn't shut up. He had been up all night with him and twelve hours later, he couldn't handle it anymore. Lily had gone to her sister's as it was nearing Christmas, and he was alone in the house. I spent a whole afternoon babysitting him and his son. Looking after James Potter was a thankless job but I would have done it for as long as he needed me to. I would never have betrayed him. But he knows this, wherever he is. He trusted me. Even when he didn't believe I was on his side one hundred percent, he knew I wouldn't have betrayed him. He considered it the height of dishonour."

A hushed silence fell and Lupin sighed with relief.

"It's not all I have to say," he said, "but if I told you everything I wanted to, we'd be here for weeks. So I'm going to give you a break from the sound of my voice and now I'm going to heckle Peter so he knows how it feels."

Peter stood and allowed Lupin to take his seat.

"Well," he said, leaning heavily on the lectern, "there's not much to say really. James never treated me with quite the same respect he reserved for Sirius. James never treated _anyone_ with quite the same respect he reserved for Sirius. He was the first real friend I ever had. He hated me. He used to think I was a bit of a stalker. It's true. I idolised him. I used to think my life would be so much better if I could be like James Potter. He was good looking, clever, charming. He was everything everyone wants to be. It's true, he could also be a total bastard, but who doesn't have that side to them? I think my fondest memory would have be him asking me to make him spot cream. I made him Polyjuice Potion once. Remus used to practice Charms with Lily on Thursday nights so one night, when I knew I could keep him busy, James strolled out of the common room and Remus here didn't even bat an eyelid. I miss Hogwarts. Everything was so much simpler when we were children. James' blatant bias didn't matter. Sirius' background didn't matter. Remus' problem didn't matter. Betrayal didn't hurt so much."

"It's all right, you know," Lupin whispered as he sat down. "Eventually, the pain is going to ebb."

"I swear it, Remus. Black is going to spend the rest of his life with Dementors if it's the last thing I do."

Lupin frowned. "Don't talk like that. Not at a funeral."

"Indeed, Remus. How dare we talk about death at a funeral?"

Lupin sighed irritably and got to his feet. "In keeping with who James was and what James wanted, Ladies and Gentlemen, I want to thank you for your presence and your kind words, and leave you with The Bee Gees."


	46. 1981: Peter Pettigrew

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_November 1981_

"Lily." Lupin licked his lips. "Lily was highly opinionated, highly talented, and highly thought of. She never really cared about the technicalities of a thing. Lycanthropy, for instance. Lily never really worried about the side effects. Generally fear is what makes people hate me, and I am genuinely struggling to think of anything about me that she was afraid of. My temper is somewhat infamous and Lily was the only person I have yet met who would shout back in my face on the rare occasions we argued. I know - and I've met - plenty of people who wouldn't let a werewolf within a mile of their son, let alone babysit him. Lily was someone who I felt very strongly for. She was my close friend for years before she was duty bound to be nice to me having married into our little family. I admired her. I think you would have quite some difficulty finding someone who didn't. Certainly, there were some who didn't appreciate her as they should have and I'm sure that even they will miss her presence in their lives. There was something about Lily Potter. She lit up a room. It seems very dull without her. I am finding it difficult to comprehend that twenty-four hours ago, she was alive and well and I will never see her again. It's…I…Listen, thank you. Thank you for coming here today and for helping me to celebrate both their lives. I'd like to also thank my constantly obliging mother for all her help today and her hospitality. Um…I'm not very good at wrapping up these sort of things so…I'd like you all to raise your glasses to Lily and James Potter."

The occupants of the living room, and those that had over spilled into the kitchen-cum-dining area, chorused it back to him.

Peter downed the contents of his glass. "Listen, Remus, I've got something I have to do but um…thanks for everything you've done for me, all right? I er…I owe you big time. Lovely service, by the way. I know it's not been long but we should probably get all the funeral stuff out of the way so we can start partying, eh?"

Lupin looked at him, his expression blank. "I don't feel like partying."

"Well, you will soon. Have a good one."

Lupin frowned. "Where are you going?"

"Oh, I have to get back. My mother needs seeing to."

"Will you come back?"

Peter nodded noncommittally. "Mmmhmm."

"OK. See you later."

"Bye, Remus." He turned to Mrs. Lupin, who was topping up two glasses simultaneously. "Excellent grub, Mrs. L. Sorry I have to dash off. I'm supposed to be with my mam. She gets awful neurotic when I do disappear."

Mrs. Lupin, much like her son, pursed her lips but didn't have the heart to correct Peter's Wenglish grammar.

"Bye, Peter. Will you be coming back?"

Peter gave her the same tight lipped smile he had offered Remus. "Mmmhmm."

"See you later then."

"Mrs. Lupin?" Peter wrapped her into an awkward embrace. "Thanks a bunch."

* * *

"You!"

Black met his eyes. It had been roughly eighteen hours since James had been killed, but looking at Black it might have eighteen years. His hair was lank, his eyes were sunken in, and he seemed to be able to pass for a Death Eater well enough. Peter smiled. This just might work.

"You son of a bitch!"

Black gawped at him. "What?"

"You betrayed them! You murdered them!" He turned on Black and, wand in hand, walked towards him, sobbing. "Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?"

Black was speechless.

"You ruined everything!" Peter screamed, his voice trembling with emotions that had been suppressed for over ten years. "You always ruined everything!" His ice blue eyes were wild and he almost seemed to foam at the mouth.

Black said nothing. It was an unanswerable charge. He _did_ ruin everything.

Peter raised his wand. Black whipped round.

"Come on then, Peter. Let's see what you can do. Make my fucking day."

Peter smirked and aimed his wand at the cobbled pavement. Black frowned at him but Peter met his eyes and held his gaze.

Black didn't hear the spell as the street seemed to implode. A crater had formed in the middle of the road and all that was left of Peter Pettigrew was a pile of bloodied robes and his index finger.

The smells of blood and raw sewage seeped up to his nostrils and almost made him physically sick.

All around him were mangled bodies, screaming Muggles, and members of the Ministry's elite. Black peered into Peter's crater, watching the rats scamper around the sewer.

And he laughed.


	47. 1982: Sirius Black

**Disclaimer: See Prologue  
A/N: Another insanely quick update.**

The cold sent shivers down her spine and as the Dementor's breath froze the hairs on the back of her neck, she felt the prick of burning, salty tears in the corner of her strikingly beautiful eyes.

It unlocked the door, pushed her inside, and left her with a mass murderer.

As Black stepped out of the shadows to greet her, she noticed the dull colour of his eyes, a shade she had never seen in them. His hair was already greasy. No doubt, she thought, the only horror or remorse he felt was for his hair.

"Hello, Electra."

He spoke perfectly clearly, in the same way he always had, as though they were meeting at a garden party. Electra recoiled, pressing herself against the bars of his cell, and shook.

"Don't be scared. Please don't be scared."

Black took hold of her hands and Electra's eyes widened, releasing her trapped tears.

"I am not afraid of you," she hissed, yanking her hands free. "I am repulsed by you."

He felt the chill of silver against his fingertips and caught the glimmer of the diamond adorning her left hand. Black sucked in a breath and attempted to clear his mind of the sight of her wearing his ring, dancing in his arms, laying her head on his shoulder.

"So what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"

Electra gasped. "How can you laugh?"

Black rolled his eyes and gestured toward the metal barricade. "How can you not? Electra, I lived the majority of my life in a prison. The only difference is that in this one, you can see the bars."

Electra shook her head and whispered, "You've gone mad."

"Unfortunately not," he said, without a trace of irony. ""I've spent most of my time trying to go mad, though it never seems to work. I thought maybe it'll pass the time. I thought if I completely lost my marbles, I'll have no concept of time and maybe I'll be dead before tea-time."

"Don't talk like that."

Black laughed bitterly. "Why not? No-one cares. Who is he?"

Electra frowned. "Who?"

"The man you're marrying. Who is he?"

Her voice was weak and trembled as she spoke. "William proposed."

Black sighed. "McCormack?"

"How many Williams do we know?"

"Touché."

Electra bit her lip. "Why did you do it? Why did you go and ruin my life?"

Black shrugged. "Why did you go running straight back to your ex-boyfriend?"

"I didn't," she spat. "I went to Remus."

Black froze, his eyes wide and terrified. "Please don't tell me."

Electra smirked. "He fucked me."

Black flinched.

"So hard. On the sofa in our living room."

He looked as though he was about to be sick. "I hope you never find out the truth."

Electra narrowed her eyes. "Truth about what?"

"I hope you go on and you live a long and happy life. I might have ruined it, Lex, but I haven't taken it. I'm sorry."

Electra gasped for breath. "Truth about what?"

"I can't tell you," said Black, smiling sadly. "Because if I do, I'll lose my mind. But I hope you never find out, because when it's too late and you have children together and you obviously love each other, it'll crucify you."

Electra blinked back her tears. "He called me Anna. I didn't take offence because I called him Sirius. I hate myself for it. You lied to everyone. You lied to _me_. How could you do this to me, you bastard? I didn't even enjoy it because I could only think about you. I can only ever think about you and you don't even care!"

Black shrugged. "I don't know why you're explaining yourself to me. Shouldn't you be apologising to your fiancé?"

"But I don't love him. Not like...not like I'm supposed to." She averted her gaze from his. "It already is too late. You don't know-"

"Don't tell me I don't know what too late is. I could have saved him, but I was too fucking late. Don't try to tell me I don't know how you feel about a ring you can take off and forget about."

"Voldemort," she hissed. "Are you talking about-?"

"Just piss off. Go on! I don't want to see you. I don't want to see _anyone_! Just fuck off and leave me alone!"

For the first time in the history of their relationship, Electra did not fight back.


	48. 1993: Remus Lupin

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Yes, poor Remus. I do not paint a very pretty picture here. Though finally things start to look up.  
A/N: This one is also up early because Chapter 49 will be a little late. I haven't made a start on it and it's going to be a lot longer than these little epilogues so sometime after the weekend, I'll update again. **

_August 1993_

"Good Lord!"

Lupin peered into the bottom of his empty glass and ignored the surprised exclamation. No-one ever bothered with him any more. He had gone mad. Or, at least, everyone said that he had and news travels fast in little villages. Eventually his mother had forced him out of his back bedroom, away from his photographs.

"If it isn't Mr. Lupin."

Lupin sighed and looked up. He met bright blue eyes and forced a smile. "Do I know you?"

Her laugh was light, like bells. "I should hope so. You taught me for a year."

Lupin narrowed his eyes and peered at her, leaning closer. "I'm sorry. I don't remember." He wasn't sure whether this was because she was now clearly an adult, or because he had spent three hours drowning his sorrows in vodka cocktails.

"Sarah?" She beamed at him. "Sarah Gilmour?"

Lupin shook his head. "Sorry."

She was not willing to give up on him and prompted him further. "I went to St. Braithwaite's. I was in your Nativity. I played the Virgin Mary."

At last Lupin smiled at her. "Sarah!" He kissed her cheek, unsure whether this was an appropriate manner in which to greet a former student. "Good grief. I didn't recognise you."

She grinned. "Probably because I finally grew. I don't look like a Hobbit child any more."

Lupin laughed. "And now you're a giant."

She was almost as tall as he was, but Sarah removed one of her shoes and dropped a considerable number of inches.

"How on earth have you managed to walk?"

"Practice." She winked at him. "So," she said, tossing her long blonde hair behind her shoulder, "are you going to buy me a drink or not?"

* * *

Thankful that his mother had chosen not to wait up for him, Lupin shushed a giggling Sarah.

"Where's your room?"

Lupin laughed breathily. "You don't want to see that. It's filled with photos from school."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body into his. "I bet you were just the sweetest little thing."

Lupin laughed bitterly. "Not exactly, no."

"Well, why don't you take me upstairs and I'll judge for myself?"

Somewhere, deep in the recesses of his mind, Lupin was aware that kissing her was immoral and a very bad idea. Yet, as her lips met his, he forgot completely about the fact that not only was she a former student, but she was also a Muggle and allowing her to see his room would probably result in a full scale operation to wipe her memory and restore the terms of the Secrecy Act.

Someone rapped the front door. It was quick and clean, but evidently urgent as when Lupin chose to ignore it, the knocker continued relentlessly.

"Sorry."

He threw open the door and found a smiling Albus Dumbledore who gentlemanly ignored Lupin's semi-drunken state, and the ruffled hair of the barely dressed blonde behind him.

"Remus. Lovely to see you. May I come in?"

He didn't wait to be told that it was a bad time and stepped inside, hanging his cloak up on the provided peg.

If Sarah was at all perturbed by an elderly man who sported a beard that reached his waist and a tall, pointed purple hat, she hid it well.

"Perhaps," said Lupin, "you'd better go."

She sighed irritably, threw Dumbledore a filthy glare and stormed out.

"My apologies," said Dumbledore. "I seem to have come at a bad time." His blue eyes twinkled over his spectacles and Lupin could not help but smile back at him despite his disappointment. "I was merely wondering how you were baring up after the recent news."

Lupin shrugged. "He hasn't come for me yet."

Dumbledore's smile disappeared. "On the contrary, he was just in your dear mother's hydrangeas."

Lupin froze. "Is he there now?"

"I doubt it very much indeed," said Dumbledore softly. "I was perfectly visible to him."

"He killed fifteen people, Albus," Lupin needlessly reminded him. "I highly doubt he will actually give a shit about waltzing in here and murdering three." His eyes widened. "Four. Sarah."

Dumbledore shook his head. "She is perfectly safe. He is not a serial killer, Remus."

Lupin frowned. "I don't care. I brought her here and if-"

"He is not there, Remus. He has long gone."

Irritable, Lupin flung open the kitchen curtains and scanned the garden, his impeccable eyesight sure to catch a sign of movement. He turned, leaning against the sink. "Have a seat," he said, gesturing to the long table. "Would you like a cup of tea or something stronger?"

Dumbledore hummed. "I think perhaps something stronger."

To his immense surprise, Lupin unfolded a cardboard box and began to fill it with two bottles of Firewhiskey, three bottles of red wine, several bottles of cheap vodka, all at various fill levels, a bottle of homemade sloe gin, and two litres of Scrumpy.

"Take these," he said, pushing the box across the table. "They're not doing me any good."

Dumbledore nodded once. Lupin was left at a loss as to whether this was a means of thanks or agreement.

"I wonder if you might do me a favour."

Lupin's eyes shot up. "What might that be?" He seemed on edge, wary of the sort of thing that Dumbledore's requests entailed.

"I need a Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher."

"I don't know anyone. I didn't stay in touch with anyone really…except Mrs. Figg."

Dumbledore laughed lightly. "I'm not asking you to interview one, Remus. I am asking you if you would teach the subject this year."

Lupin was shocked into silence. Eventually he managed to stammer, "B-but I work in a um…a b-b-bookshop and Mr. Bryant will need n-n-notice." He had reverted to the young boy Dumbledore remembered from his last visit to this cottage. At ten years old, Remus Lupin had stuttered terribly and been unable to look him in the eyes. Sirius Black had been the first to change that and it was only too plain to see the effect his lack of influence had had on Lupin.

"I'm sure we can think of something."

"Well I can't tell him the truth," said Lupin, addressing the tabletop. "Sorry, Mr. Bryant, I won't be able to work again until July because I'm teaching underage wizards how to block hexes. People already think I've lost my mind."

"Well," said Dumbledore, smiling fondly, "if you're going to be called a lunatic, you might as well get the full benefit of it."

Lupin said nothing.

"Remus, with Sirius Black on the loose, it is a very dangerous world."

"I don't need your protection," Lupin shouted, almost leaping to his feet and slamming his hands on the table. "I am more than a match for Sirius sodding Black!"

Dumbledore merely blinked. "I know. That's why Hogwarts is the best place for you. Do you know what he's been whispering in his sleep? 'He's at Hogwarts'."

Lupin frowned. "He's clearly not talking about me then, is he?"

"No indeed. He's talking," said Dumbledore, leaving a pause for what he hoped was dramatic effect, "about Harry Potter."

Lupin froze. "What does he want with Harry?"

"What indeed?" Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. "Could it be perhaps that he wants to redress the balance somewhat?" He smiled oddly. "It's like a chess set, Remus."

"I refuse to be anyone's pawn."

Dumbledore smiled at him. "No, Remus. You would be the Queen. You know his style, you know what he knows about the castle, and most importantly, you know how he thinks."

"Clearly," said Lupin, in a manner that reminded Dumbledore eerily of Snape, "I do _not _or Harry and James would be messing around with broomsticks and mercilessly bullying me for not joining in."

"But you suspected him, Remus. You suspected him when no-one else did. You read people exceptionally well."

Lupin sighed. "It was always my ambition, but I don't think you're asking me because I make a pretty good teacher. I think you're asking me because you're afraid of him. You're afraid of him because you don't know him as well as you thought you did. You're afraid because he's unpredictable, and I know this because those are exactly the same reasons I am afraid of him. I am of no use to you whatsoever." He smirked. "Or do you want my presence to draw him in?"

"On the contrary," said Dumbledore, "I want your presence to deter him."

"Well, it doesn't, does it?" Lupin's voice was so loud that both he and Dumbledore heard the sound of the floorboards creaking above them and the sounds of Mrs. Lupin on the stairs. "If he's standing in my garden trying to get a good look inside my kitchen, my presence hardly scares him."

"Remus?"

"Mother, please go back to bed."

"What's going on?"

Dumbledore smiled in a self-satisfactory manner. "Remus has just accepted my offer of a job."

Mrs. Lupin's eyes lit up. "But that's wonderful! Remus, you really must stop calling me 'Mother', darling. It makes you sound like Norman Bates." She kissed his cheek. "I'll make tea, shall I?"

"No need," said Dumbledore, gesturing to the large box of alcoholic beverages that had been thrust upon him.

"I'm going out," said Lupin, throwing on a coat that was at least two sizes too large.

"Where?" asked Mrs. Lupin. "Sweetheart, it's half past midnight."

"I have people I need to talk things over with."

"I'm not sure they'll want to be disturbed," she said, hovering in the doorway that led to the little porch. She wrung her delicate hands and bit her lip. "Maybe you should wait until the morning."

"I doubt they'll give a flying fuck, Mum, because thanks to me, they're dead."

He slammed the door behind him and Mrs. Lupin turned back to Dumbledore. "He's not always like this. He's just in a bad mood; the same bad mood he's been in the for the last twelve years, really."

Dumbledore nodded and took his cloak from the peg. "Oh, I think we can fix that."


	49. Epilogue Part 1

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_1996_

Still seething and reeling from the death of his godfather, Harry's hands shook as he watched Lupin light a cigarette - his first in six years - and stare out of the Headmaster's window. His eyes traveled down to the Black Lake where the darkness hid the grounds from sight.

Harry almost asked him what he was hoping to see, but he realised that Lupin's eyes were not focused. What Lupin saw was in the recesses of his memory.

Lupin took a long drag and turned back to Harry, sitting in his Headmaster's ruined office. "It appears we share a temper," he said.

Harry said nothing, not even looking up at the only man Dumbledore knew who could reassure him. Remus Lupin had been a last hope for what he privately thought was a lost cause. Though Harry had come through much worse than this, Harry seemed to believe that this was the end of the world.

"Harry, I know it's hard. Really. I know it's hard."

Harry shook his head. He had had plenty to say earlier, but drained of his emotions, he could only stare at the floor and hope he did not antagonise Lupin.

"No, you don't," he managed to murmur. "I have to spend the rest of my time with the Dursleys. They're the only people left now."

Lupin winced at the slight, but made no comment.

Harry obviously heard him as he hurriedly added, "You can't take me in though, can you? Sirius' name is clear now. I could have packed my things and…" He trailed off, taking a deep breath. "I won't now anyway."

"I know you're upset, Harry-"

"No. I'm not."

Lupin laughed bitterly. "No, you're not, are you? Brooding, silence, bursts of violence. You're just like your mother when you're angry."

Harry's breath was laboured. "You don't know it felt, coming back for Christmas. I felt like I was going home. I thought that I had killed Mr. Weasley and he knew what had happened and he just…"

"Held out his arms and gave you unconditional love," Lupin finished for him. "An alien sensation."

They fell into a companionable silence.

"Can I tell you the truth?"

Lupin nodded. "You can tell me anything. I want you to know that. I can't ever replace Sirius and I refuse to try, but if ever you need someone to talk to, you can always come to me."

"I'm not angry with Snape or Dumbledore."

Lupin nodded. "Quite rightly."

"I'm angry with myself."

Lupin was silent for a moment. Harry burst forth into a hurried monologue.

"I know you're angry with me too. You told me that if I was ever faced with an image someone had meant me to see, that I had to be suspicious. Voldemort put that image in my head and I just believed him. You said that I should always look deeper for my answer and I didn't listen to you. I'm sorry, I-."

Lupin cut him off. "I am very angry indeed, Harry, yes. Though not with you; not in the slightest. You did what anyone would have done in your position. You only did what you thought was best and I don't want you to blame yourself or think that we are upset with you."

Harry frowned and tentatively tried to dig a little deeper into the walking mystery that was Remus Lupin. Sirius had known him inside out and Harry had the feeling he was the last person who did.

"So who are you angry with?"

"Several people," said Lupin quietly. "Bellatrix Lestrange for one, Cornelius Fudge for another. I would like to see every last member of the Ministry who made his life hell for the past fourteen years, rot in hell, Harry."

Harry had the distinct feeling that there was someone Lupin wanted to add to his list, but didn't. Was Peter included in the people who had made Sirius' life hell? Or was he the elephant in the room that Lupin felt he oughtn't talk about?

"Are you feeling any better now?"

"Yes," Harry lied. "I think I'm going to go to bed."

Lupin nodded. "Yes, I think that's for the best. It's gone midnight."

Almost as soon as he had announced his intention, Harry wanted to take it back. The dormitory would feel empty without Ron.

"Oh, and Harry?"

Harry turned in the doorway, hoping against hope that Lupin was going to force him to sit back down and make him stay up all night. "Yes?"

"Shut the door a minute."

Harry did as he was told and leant against it.

"I can't take you in for several reasons, all of them outweighing my arguments for going against them, but if maybe you wanted to come and stay with me over the summer, you could. If, you know, if you wanted. I know Little Whinging isn't the highlight of your summer. If you're staying with Ron then obviously I'm not expecting you to-"

"Thanks, Remus."

Harry wasn't sure how he felt about this offer. On the one hand, he would be staying with a man he trusted, who liked him, who had a wicked sense of humour, and on the other, he would be staying with a man who kept him at arm's length. On the whole, he thought, he would rather brood alone in Privet Drive.

"Where are you going now?" Harry almost crossed the room to resume his position beside Lupin, but as Lupin got to his feet, there seemed little point. Both of them were well aware that Harry was stalling.

"I have to go to St. Mungo's. I don't know when Nymphadora might wake up. I suppose I had better try to answer any questions she has." He smiled grimly. "And then I have to be somewhere, I'm afraid. I owe Dumbledore a few favours and I have a job to do."

For a moment, Harry's heart leapt and he deluded himself into thinking Lupin was coming back to teach.

"I'm afraid that we won't see much of each other," said Lupin. "But I'll be thinking about you," he added, surprising Harry completely. "Goodbye, Harry."

* * *

A graveyard was hardly an appropriate place to meet, but Lupin knew no other landmarks and he would be damned before he invited this particular gentleman back to his home. He had proved that he could kill whether they met in a public setting or not and Lupin was not entirely sure that he cared who else might be waiting for him.

"It's all right. I'm alone," he said, stamping out yet another cigarette (his third that night) and reaching for his wand.

"Remus?"

Lupin glanced down at the silver hand attempting to wring the other. There were several things he wanted to say to Pettigrew, but decided against even opening his mouth for fear that an Unforgivable Curse would pass his lips before he could control himself.

"Remus, I-"

"You lost all right to call me by my first name," Lupin snapped. "And I don't want to hear any false apologies or commiserations."

"All right, so what _do _you want, _Lupin_?"

"Do you or do you not know where I can find Fenrir Greyback?"

Pettigrew gasped. "Have you lost your fucking mind? If you're thinking of killing him-"

"Unlike yourself, Peter, revenge by means of murder has never crossed my mind."

"Oh yeah? Don't get holier than thou with me, Remus. I've seen Travers' scars."

Lupin managed to hold back his threat to give Peter the same treatment and merely bit his lip. "I don't want revenge. I want to join the pack."

Pettigrew stood staring at him in an awed silence. Eventually, he managed to speak and asked, "What happened to daring, nerve and chivalry in the Order of the Phoenix?"

Lupin laughed bitterly. "Daring, nerve and chivalry? In my experience, Peter, people tend to be full of daring, nerve and bullshit. I have been jobless and ostracised for the best part of seventeen years, so I think we can safely say that 'daring, nerve and chivalry' isn't exactly working out for me."

Peter frowned.

"Besides, Voldemort's offering equal rights."

"I thought you said you didn't believe a word of it."

Lupin shrugged. "It's more than the Ministry's offering."

"But-"

"Listen, Peter, I haven't got time for this. Either you can take me to Greyback, or you're wasting my time and if it's the latter, you're facing a seriously pissed off werewolf. I wouldn't test me if I were you. So can you take me to him or not?"

Peter glared at him. "Are you spying?"

Lupin froze in terror, but a natural for the job, he forcibly relaxed himself. "They say it takes a spy to spot one, so why don't you tell me?"

Peter gave him a once-over. "Follow me."


	50. Epilogue Part 2

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: So a year after it was written, this has finally come to an end. I hope it's one that comes full circle and that you all enjoy it. Thanks ever so much to everyone who favourited, reviewed, or even just read. I've had a lot of fun with this and I hope I'm not the only one.**

**A/N: For those who notice, this ties in with **_**The Gospel According to Lupin**_** so don't worry if you don't get any references. They're not important.**

_2011_

"There's something else," said Harry, handing over a large box.

Teddy accepted it and wondered if this was yet another box of photographs. He hoped not. He didn't have room to pin any more up on the walls. "What is it?" he asked.

Harry only smiled at him. "You'll see."

Teddy heard the door click as his godfather closed the door behind him, but he didn't look up. He stared intently into the box as though trying to burn holes in it. He sat on the bed he had pulled into the middle of his room and slowly pulled open one end of the box. He turned it upside down and shook it until something rather large and heavy landed on his pillows.

It was a black box with a silver top. He fiddled with the lens cap and pulling it off, was able to read the slightly faded words; _Kodak Retina._ On it was inked in white, _Property of Remus J. Lupin. Put. It. Down. _

His father's handwriting was beautiful; small, but italic with long dramatic loops and tails. Teddy wished his looked like that. He consoled himself with the fact that it probably would if he and Tom didn't spend their time rushing to scrawl fifteen inches of an essay half an hour before it was supposed to be handed in.

"Wow," he breathed, hardly daring to touch it. He was content to leave it on his pillow and look at it, worshipping it like some sort of God.

The Easter holidays passed quickly and the camera was never mentioned or taken out of its box. Harry wondered whether passing it on had been a bad idea. He couldn't help but think that Teddy was almost ignoring the fact that he had it and had reverted to smiling sadly and using his natural form.

That was until he had arrived at Platform 9¾ where a turquoise-haired Teddy was immediately set upon by a pretty blonde who almost launched herself at him.

"Tia!"

"Ted, how was your holiday? What did you get for your birthday?" She beamed at him and kissed his cheek. Galatea waved her friend over and the breath caught in Harry's throat as a young Electra Nott emerged, dragging a broomstick and swinging an owl in a cage.

"Oh, it's you. I did wonder why Tia took a running leap."

Teddy grinned. "Where's Tom?"

"Shoving my trunk on the train. It's almost amusing what he'll do for a Chocolate Frog Card."

Teddy gestured to his godfather. "This is Harry."

Galatea smiled at him and shook his hand. "I'm Galatea. Me and Ted are Potions partners. He's the best in the class and I'm appalling, so we sort of balance each other out."

Just like her mother, Erin McCormack made no attempt to introduce herself. Teddy nodded towards her and said, "This is Erin."

Erin nodded her greeting.

"What do you play?" Harry asked, nodding toward her broom.

"Seeker," she said.

Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise. While she was almost eerily slim, she was very tall, almost as tall as Teddy.

"You met my mum," she said, raising an eyebrow at Teddy. "She said you stalked her round Diagon Alley and badgered her for info on your Dad."

Teddy's jaw dropped. "Electra Nott is your mother?"

Erin rolled her eyes. "Please. We look the spitting image of one another. How could you not know?"

"She didn't tell me about you," said Teddy. "I didn't think."

"Typical boy."

"TED!"

Teddy's head shot up and he grinned. He had a glint in his eyes that was decidedly reminiscent of Fred and George and as Tom Collins slung an arm around Erin's shoulders, he beamed back.

"Is that your new broom? Christ, that's beautiful." He realised Harry stood beside him and gawped, awestruck. "Oh my God! I've got your Chocolate Frog Card! Will you sign it when I see you next?"

Harry blinked furiously. "Um…yeah, okay."

Erin sighed. "I don't believe it. I really don't believe it. I am ashamed to be seen with you, Collins."

Teddy met his godfather's eyes and mouthed, "Sirius."

Harry smiled sadly back at him and nodded. "Hurry up. The train leaves in three minutes."

Tom took Teddy's things and darted through the crowd with them with only the words, "Sorry, but you'd only end up falling over three times."

"I'll meet you," Teddy told the girls. "Thanks, Harry. I'll see you in the summer."

* * *

Erin flicked through _The_ _Daily Prophet_ and filled in the crossword, calling out political clues to Galatea who seemingly knew everything about the Ministry, and popular culture to Tom, who was second to none on famous faces.

"Who was the first member of _The Weird Sisters_ to die? Clue: 2006."

Tom hummed. "Merton Graves."

"Who controversially recently declared himself as a political prisoner? Clue: Death Eater and torturer."

Galatea gasped, "I know this. I _do_. I know this. Um…Lestrange. Rodolphus Lestrange."

"'Once bitten, twice shy' is the first line of who's Chocolate Frog Card? Clue: Renowned spy for the Order of the Phoenix."

"Remus Lupin," Teddy answered at once.

Erin looked up from her paper. "I'm sorry, Ted."

"Why? Are we not allowed to mention my father's name in polite company or something?" He smiled. "Don't worry about it."

Tom frowned. "That was clearly my question. _I_ am the expert here." He laughed and Teddy sat beside him, pointing his camera toward their grinning faces.

_CLICK!_


End file.
